Husband Attempted Suicide
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 48
Husband Attempted Suicide
I really do hope I can post this here, if not I'm sorry
Last week, my estranged husband took a few hundred pills. His brother (who my "husband" is currently living with) took him to the ER because his blood sugar was reading high on the monitor. Once he was admited, his brother called me since I knew more about his medical history and could answer questions. Anyway, his blood pressure kept dropping and his heart stopped at about 55/20. I thought the machine had made an error. But then the ER people rushed in and started bringing him back and we were ushered out of the room.
It has been 4 days now. He is in ICU still, and in a medically induced coma. But they are going to start reducing the medications for the coma this morning I think. He has been on a ventilator and his vitals are starting to stabilize.
Been talking with family for support. But the problem is, I am hurt and angry too. What is he doing to me and the people who know him? His friends and family? First alcoholism and using, now this?
How am I supposed to act or feel? I feel betrayed and relieved at the same time. I am hurt tremendously, but I know that right now he needs me and that is more important than what I am feeling. "How could you do this to me?!?"
What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to feel? How am I supposed to act? How can I be supportive of him while supporting myself too?
Last week, my estranged husband took a few hundred pills. His brother (who my "husband" is currently living with) took him to the ER because his blood sugar was reading high on the monitor. Once he was admited, his brother called me since I knew more about his medical history and could answer questions. Anyway, his blood pressure kept dropping and his heart stopped at about 55/20. I thought the machine had made an error. But then the ER people rushed in and started bringing him back and we were ushered out of the room.
It has been 4 days now. He is in ICU still, and in a medically induced coma. But they are going to start reducing the medications for the coma this morning I think. He has been on a ventilator and his vitals are starting to stabilize.
Been talking with family for support. But the problem is, I am hurt and angry too. What is he doing to me and the people who know him? His friends and family? First alcoholism and using, now this?
How am I supposed to act or feel? I feel betrayed and relieved at the same time. I am hurt tremendously, but I know that right now he needs me and that is more important than what I am feeling. "How could you do this to me?!?"
What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to feel? How am I supposed to act? How can I be supportive of him while supporting myself too?
Persevere, Never give up!
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Stellenbosch, South Africa
Posts: 882
((((Hugs)))), I really feel for you, I know you have both been through so so much, I feel your H is really not emotionally strong right now, and by taking that first drink, he opened up a whole world that he and we have no control over, it is an awful, awful thing for us codies, my AH went on a major bender one week end and totally lost it, trashed our house etc, I took the kids, while he was passed out and packed some goodies and left, when he woke up he couldnt believe i wasnt there or comming back. He promised to clean up his act and so a few days later we returned, unfortunately before we returned he was so distraught he also took a few hundred pills, and i knew it but I had to leave him as I had my daughter with me, I was extremely worried, but, nevertheless, this mixed with the alcohol all came out of his system, so he was lucky and my H is not a suicidal type so I was very shocked! But at the end of the day, I left him to deal with his problems and i doubt it was very nice for him. I still worry about him as this A is a progressive disease but only they can help themselves, we have to help ourselves. Perhaps this is HP way of intervening, if he is in ICU, he cant drink and he cant take pills, perhaps when he wakes up most of the toxins will be out of his body and the fog lifted and with some professional help perhaps he can work through the "it was your daughter death?" grief is a terrible thing and some people just cant or dont know how to deal with it. I will pray for both of you, just concentrate on yourself and what makes you happy.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I'm so sorry to hear of this.
I have followed some of your posts here, and I think the situation you and your husband are in is terribly, terribly sad. I can't help but notice the date your daughter passed and that it's one year on.
I hope that you have people who love you looking after you and giving you lots of love.
I believe all the thoughts you are having are normal, but I do think you need to look after yourself first and foremost. If you don't look after yourself - how can you look after him.
I think the feelings of anger and hurt are to be expected. Your life has been a massive rollercoaster of changes and must look a lot different to how it looked five years ago. I should imagine you feel very let down by him.
Are you seeking any professional help for him and yourself? Maybe a grief counsellor would be useful.
Keep us updated how you are doing and him and know that I am thinking of you.
xx
I have followed some of your posts here, and I think the situation you and your husband are in is terribly, terribly sad. I can't help but notice the date your daughter passed and that it's one year on.
I hope that you have people who love you looking after you and giving you lots of love.
I believe all the thoughts you are having are normal, but I do think you need to look after yourself first and foremost. If you don't look after yourself - how can you look after him.
I think the feelings of anger and hurt are to be expected. Your life has been a massive rollercoaster of changes and must look a lot different to how it looked five years ago. I should imagine you feel very let down by him.
Are you seeking any professional help for him and yourself? Maybe a grief counsellor would be useful.
Keep us updated how you are doing and him and know that I am thinking of you.
xx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
So sorry to hear this. It is though.
I can only imagine how you feel. My RAH nearly died from liver cirrhosis few months ago, for a few weeks he was really critical. That happened soon after we separated. This situation was slightly different to yours, but I guess at the end of the day my RAH's ending up at that stage facing a death was kind of a suicide attempt too, as it was caused by drinking, even though he was repeadly said by doctors he must stop as it is endangering his health. So in our case, instead of taking a ceratain amount of pills at one point in time, my RAH was working on it sistematically over the years.
I'm saying all this only to let you know I can understand. That said I'd like to share my wisdom with you, things that have helped me deal with the situation and reduced my pain. Take what you like and leave the rest.
So, here it goes: He is not doing it to you, or his friends and family. He is doing it to himself. The rest of you is only affected by his choices. And I don't think you are supposed to do anything but the thing that feels right for you to do. If you feel you want to be supportive of him than do that, if not than you don't have to stay there.
I know I'm simplyfing things a lot here, but in my struggles I found that what we trully have at the end is only simple things and simple solutions. You can either understand his struggles (even if not understanding his motives) and be there for him, or if you feel that you can't do that , that it is hurting you too much than you should do the right thing for yourself.
I don't know if what I'm saying makes any sense to you. My point is, however impossible it might sound, you can make this situation better for yourself. I understand your anger, but when I was in similar situation, anger wasn't too helpful for me. The whole situation for me was so painful that I felt I had no choice but to let go and let God. I stayed by my RAH side, as a friend. I felt commpasion for him. I understood the fact he is in hospital facing his death had nothing to do with me, it was all about him, his struggles, his poor choices, I couldn't feel anything but a compassion, as inspite all the pain I was in during the years I still couldn't understand that amount of pain that would lead a person to bring himself into condition my RAH was at the time and yours is now.
I don't know if this is helpful at all. I hope it is, at least a bit. Please remember to breath, remember you can't do anything but the next right thing, sometimes we just need to take a step back and let HP do its work.
Again, I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. It is terrbily sad.
I hope you husband recovers.
Take care
I can only imagine how you feel. My RAH nearly died from liver cirrhosis few months ago, for a few weeks he was really critical. That happened soon after we separated. This situation was slightly different to yours, but I guess at the end of the day my RAH's ending up at that stage facing a death was kind of a suicide attempt too, as it was caused by drinking, even though he was repeadly said by doctors he must stop as it is endangering his health. So in our case, instead of taking a ceratain amount of pills at one point in time, my RAH was working on it sistematically over the years.
I'm saying all this only to let you know I can understand. That said I'd like to share my wisdom with you, things that have helped me deal with the situation and reduced my pain. Take what you like and leave the rest.
So, here it goes: He is not doing it to you, or his friends and family. He is doing it to himself. The rest of you is only affected by his choices. And I don't think you are supposed to do anything but the thing that feels right for you to do. If you feel you want to be supportive of him than do that, if not than you don't have to stay there.
I know I'm simplyfing things a lot here, but in my struggles I found that what we trully have at the end is only simple things and simple solutions. You can either understand his struggles (even if not understanding his motives) and be there for him, or if you feel that you can't do that , that it is hurting you too much than you should do the right thing for yourself.
I don't know if what I'm saying makes any sense to you. My point is, however impossible it might sound, you can make this situation better for yourself. I understand your anger, but when I was in similar situation, anger wasn't too helpful for me. The whole situation for me was so painful that I felt I had no choice but to let go and let God. I stayed by my RAH side, as a friend. I felt commpasion for him. I understood the fact he is in hospital facing his death had nothing to do with me, it was all about him, his struggles, his poor choices, I couldn't feel anything but a compassion, as inspite all the pain I was in during the years I still couldn't understand that amount of pain that would lead a person to bring himself into condition my RAH was at the time and yours is now.
I don't know if this is helpful at all. I hope it is, at least a bit. Please remember to breath, remember you can't do anything but the next right thing, sometimes we just need to take a step back and let HP do its work.
Again, I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. It is terrbily sad.
I hope you husband recovers.
Take care
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
(((((Nightmare21)))))
I'm sorry this has happened. Big hugs of kindness and love to you during this time.
Please reach out to your counselors during this time. Get the support you need for dealing with your emotions. I'm glad you have family there for support! Sometimes we still need the support of someone that has been through a similar experience. Keep reading and posting, hopefully someone with more experience will be here to offer more ES&H (experience, strength & hope).
Your husband is in the hands of professionals and they will take care of his needs and get him the help he needs.
I'm sorry this has happened. Big hugs of kindness and love to you during this time.
Please reach out to your counselors during this time. Get the support you need for dealing with your emotions. I'm glad you have family there for support! Sometimes we still need the support of someone that has been through a similar experience. Keep reading and posting, hopefully someone with more experience will be here to offer more ES&H (experience, strength & hope).
Your husband is in the hands of professionals and they will take care of his needs and get him the help he needs.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
[QUOTE=sesh;2719058]S
So, here it goes: He is not doing it to you, or his friends and family. He is doing it to himself. The rest of you is only affected by his choices. And I don't think you are supposed to do anything but the thing that feels right for you to do. If you feel you want to be supportive of him than do that, if not than you don't have to stay there.
I felt I still couldn't understand that amount of pain that would lead a person to bring himself into condition my RAH was at the time and yours is now.
Sesh - such wise words
x
So, here it goes: He is not doing it to you, or his friends and family. He is doing it to himself. The rest of you is only affected by his choices. And I don't think you are supposed to do anything but the thing that feels right for you to do. If you feel you want to be supportive of him than do that, if not than you don't have to stay there.
I felt I still couldn't understand that amount of pain that would lead a person to bring himself into condition my RAH was at the time and yours is now.
Sesh - such wise words
x
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I am so very, very sorry!
I, too, have lost a child. 20 years old..they called him a man...but he was so young.
To suicide.
I was so very angry at so many people.
But, I hardly know what to say...because I almost accidentally overdosed on pills...this brought on by a bad bipolar episode mixed with a prescription that had a very bad effect on me.
Unlike your husband...I wasn't trying to kill myself and didn't take hundreds...I just kept taking one or two more trying to go to sleep after many sleepless nights...it didn't occur to me that I might be putting myself in real danger.
Nonetheless, I woke up with a ventilator tube.
My first thought was one of the most horrifying/dead feelings/thoughts of the knowledge that I had effed up everything that I cared about.
My family had been kept at a distance from my bipolar illness..but, of course, not from my son's suicide.
That this upset them to no end...is understandable, but I cannot say that I am able to really experience it from their viewpoint.
I don't mean to be callous in saying that either.
I think I can say your husband was likely in such misery that he just wanted it to end and that is all he could think about...it overtook him....he was unable to think of or be aware of anything else.
I know how very unfair that is and feels.
I hope you will take time to care for yourself.
Do remember that he is in excellent care now and that he will be provided with continuing care.
You need to arrange the same for yourself.
They always tell us to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first before we can help anyone else.
My daughter is not speaking to me now.
I absolutely forgive her for that.
I hope and believe that can be mended in time.
so many big huge hugs to you!
I, too, have lost a child. 20 years old..they called him a man...but he was so young.
To suicide.
I was so very angry at so many people.
But, I hardly know what to say...because I almost accidentally overdosed on pills...this brought on by a bad bipolar episode mixed with a prescription that had a very bad effect on me.
Unlike your husband...I wasn't trying to kill myself and didn't take hundreds...I just kept taking one or two more trying to go to sleep after many sleepless nights...it didn't occur to me that I might be putting myself in real danger.
Nonetheless, I woke up with a ventilator tube.
My first thought was one of the most horrifying/dead feelings/thoughts of the knowledge that I had effed up everything that I cared about.
My family had been kept at a distance from my bipolar illness..but, of course, not from my son's suicide.
That this upset them to no end...is understandable, but I cannot say that I am able to really experience it from their viewpoint.
I don't mean to be callous in saying that either.
I think I can say your husband was likely in such misery that he just wanted it to end and that is all he could think about...it overtook him....he was unable to think of or be aware of anything else.
I know how very unfair that is and feels.
I hope you will take time to care for yourself.
Do remember that he is in excellent care now and that he will be provided with continuing care.
You need to arrange the same for yourself.
They always tell us to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first before we can help anyone else.
My daughter is not speaking to me now.
I absolutely forgive her for that.
I hope and believe that can be mended in time.
so many big huge hugs to you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I have no experience to offer, only my prayers and wishes for strength for you and your family. There is no rule book here. No guide to follow. Be caring of yourself and that caring will extend to him.
Peace to you,
Alice
Peace to you,
Alice
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
Your husband will be taken care of..he is now in the system. I am concerned about you. You have suffered a huge loss and it would apear incredible stress since then. Please listen to all of us who are saying that you need to take care of yourself. It is too much for one person to do, especially after all you have recently been through. My thoughts are with you..
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Nightmare))) - I'm so sorry you're going through this, sweetie. My hopes and prayers are that now he'll get the help, he needs, to deal with your daughter's death...professional help.
You've been through SO much, in the past year...you really do need to take care of YOU. I'm not saying you can't be there for him...just maybe let the professionals guide you in that way?
Love, hugs, and prayers,
amy
You've been through SO much, in the past year...you really do need to take care of YOU. I'm not saying you can't be there for him...just maybe let the professionals guide you in that way?
Love, hugs, and prayers,
amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 17
Thoughts and prayers to you, Nightmare.
When my XAS went from having suicidal thoughts to engaging in (potentially) suicidal gestures by cutting himself earlier this summer, what I felt most was fear; fear of losing him; fear of having to grieve him; fear of what my feelings about wanting to live my life would be if the most life-affirming person I'd ever met and the person I'd loved most took his own life.
I'm sure there are all sorts of ways of feeling in the circumstances. None are more correct or natural than others.
Big hugs to you.
When my XAS went from having suicidal thoughts to engaging in (potentially) suicidal gestures by cutting himself earlier this summer, what I felt most was fear; fear of losing him; fear of having to grieve him; fear of what my feelings about wanting to live my life would be if the most life-affirming person I'd ever met and the person I'd loved most took his own life.
I'm sure there are all sorts of ways of feeling in the circumstances. None are more correct or natural than others.
Big hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Central, La.
Posts: 422
Looking at it from the other side of the coin, Live summed it up pretty well by saying: "I think I can say your husband was likely in such misery that he just wanted it to end and that is all he could think about...it overtook him....he was unable to think of or be aware of anything else"
I tried, more than once, to kill myself. If had had a gun I wouldn't be here, I tried pills, potassium chloride, benzo's, and other combinations of pills, illegal drugs, and alcohol, none worked. My wife either found me or it didn't work. The last time, however, I put a 6 inch paring knife in my abdomen, missing my aorta by a millimeter.
Through all the attempts, especially the last one, I had no concern for how my actions would affect her, or anyone else. I was so wrapped up in myself, I was incapable of thinking of another person, feelings or anything else. Sad fact is, with the knife, since, at the time we were divorced and I was at her place, they could have charged her with murder. Think I had thought into that possibility? No way.
I see know how my actions have affected others and it sends chills down my spine. I try to do the best I can to do that next right thing and think of others rather than myself.
I feel for all of you who have had to go through these events. I can also identify with the loss of a loved one by suicide. My sister put a gun to her head in 1978.
So long as these people are still alive, there is hope for them.
Peace
I tried, more than once, to kill myself. If had had a gun I wouldn't be here, I tried pills, potassium chloride, benzo's, and other combinations of pills, illegal drugs, and alcohol, none worked. My wife either found me or it didn't work. The last time, however, I put a 6 inch paring knife in my abdomen, missing my aorta by a millimeter.
Through all the attempts, especially the last one, I had no concern for how my actions would affect her, or anyone else. I was so wrapped up in myself, I was incapable of thinking of another person, feelings or anything else. Sad fact is, with the knife, since, at the time we were divorced and I was at her place, they could have charged her with murder. Think I had thought into that possibility? No way.
I see know how my actions have affected others and it sends chills down my spine. I try to do the best I can to do that next right thing and think of others rather than myself.
I feel for all of you who have had to go through these events. I can also identify with the loss of a loved one by suicide. My sister put a gun to her head in 1978.
So long as these people are still alive, there is hope for them.
Peace
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 48
Thank you everyone for your kind words, comfort and positive thoughts. It really means a lot to me.
My husband is almost completely off the coma meds and is in a somewhat awake state most of the time now. I see him whenever I can or happen to be passing by. I went to see him this evening and we started talking. Then to my surpise he asks for ME to sneak him a DRINK!!! Of all things!? I was floored... After all this, all this drama, all this trouble, he nearly lost his life and he wants a DRINK!? That is how all this started! I couldn't believe what I heard and even had to repeat himself. Of course I said no which made him kind of annoyed, but he got over it. I don't know if it was him actually talking or the meds he was on
Either way, I still cant believe it
My husband is almost completely off the coma meds and is in a somewhat awake state most of the time now. I see him whenever I can or happen to be passing by. I went to see him this evening and we started talking. Then to my surpise he asks for ME to sneak him a DRINK!!! Of all things!? I was floored... After all this, all this drama, all this trouble, he nearly lost his life and he wants a DRINK!? That is how all this started! I couldn't believe what I heard and even had to repeat himself. Of course I said no which made him kind of annoyed, but he got over it. I don't know if it was him actually talking or the meds he was on
Either way, I still cant believe it
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Sorry to hear that. I can understand how upseting that was for you.
When my RAH was first admitted into the hospital, before the alcohol was out of his system, while still withdrawing he used to say all kinds of crazy stuff. He was dieing, couldn't walk, and he called for a cab to take him to have a haircut, things like that, and God knows what was actually going on in his mind than, and what his real intentions were. It took him 2 weeks to stop talking crazy, and over a month to kind of realize how crazy his behaviour was.
The way I see it, as your AH just is coming out of coma, he really has no idea what has really happened. As the widrawal syptoms wear off, he'll start to see things more clearly, that is not to say he will understand what has he really done and he'll want to recover, but at least as the time goes there will be a chance for that.
I would be a miracle if he could see any of that right now. I assume since he tried suicide he'll be getting some phyciatrist's help too. As the time goes the chance for him will increase.
So don't worry yourself about what he said, it is too early to expect anything better from him at this point. Alcohol use causes all kids of syndoms and diseases that affect the way the brain works and it takes some sobriety time for most of them to go away, as most of them, as far as I know, are reversabile. Maybe his doctors can give you some more info on this.
I don't know how this sounds to you, but the way I looked at things when we were told my husband was possibly dieing was: "Ok, for now he is alive, and sobering up too (even if not by his own will), which is by far better than where he was few weeks ago. Now there is a chance for him, as small as it is, still a chance and I leave it to HP to work it all out."
After one month in hospital, my RAH started to willingly work on his sobriety, and he still is, 4 months later. To be honest I gave up on this possibility some time ago, and I remain surprised to this day.
Just remember to take care of yourself, and don't take anything he says to your heart at this point of time.
I wish you well
HUGS
When my RAH was first admitted into the hospital, before the alcohol was out of his system, while still withdrawing he used to say all kinds of crazy stuff. He was dieing, couldn't walk, and he called for a cab to take him to have a haircut, things like that, and God knows what was actually going on in his mind than, and what his real intentions were. It took him 2 weeks to stop talking crazy, and over a month to kind of realize how crazy his behaviour was.
The way I see it, as your AH just is coming out of coma, he really has no idea what has really happened. As the widrawal syptoms wear off, he'll start to see things more clearly, that is not to say he will understand what has he really done and he'll want to recover, but at least as the time goes there will be a chance for that.
I would be a miracle if he could see any of that right now. I assume since he tried suicide he'll be getting some phyciatrist's help too. As the time goes the chance for him will increase.
So don't worry yourself about what he said, it is too early to expect anything better from him at this point. Alcohol use causes all kids of syndoms and diseases that affect the way the brain works and it takes some sobriety time for most of them to go away, as most of them, as far as I know, are reversabile. Maybe his doctors can give you some more info on this.
I don't know how this sounds to you, but the way I looked at things when we were told my husband was possibly dieing was: "Ok, for now he is alive, and sobering up too (even if not by his own will), which is by far better than where he was few weeks ago. Now there is a chance for him, as small as it is, still a chance and I leave it to HP to work it all out."
After one month in hospital, my RAH started to willingly work on his sobriety, and he still is, 4 months later. To be honest I gave up on this possibility some time ago, and I remain surprised to this day.
Just remember to take care of yourself, and don't take anything he says to your heart at this point of time.
I wish you well
HUGS
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 48
I honestly do hope his thoughts and behavior is all temperory. As of late, he's still talking mad. He was going on about wanting to unburry our daughter in hopes to be close to her again. I found this quite sick and disturbing. But I guess on the plus side he has yet to ask for a drink again or to use. He's still in the hospital now. They are waiting for a bed in the psy ward and will send him there. "Funny" thing is he was there not long ago.
I feel like I'm at a crossroads again. Do I stay or go? If I go I see this as a good chance to do so. I am trying to deal with my own grief of losing our daughter. It's only been a year since she passed and soo much has changed
I feel like I'm at a crossroads again. Do I stay or go? If I go I see this as a good chance to do so. I am trying to deal with my own grief of losing our daughter. It's only been a year since she passed and soo much has changed
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Nightmare,
When my STBXAH was in the hospital for surgery, he was stark raving. I'm not sure if it was withdrawal, or maybe his liver couldn't process the pain meds, but he was totally off his rocker.
It was frightening.
He was fine immediately after surgery, but about 48 hours in is when the craziness started. I begged them to keep him longer, as I knew I wouldn't be able to control him at home.
Anyway - just letting you know that someone else has seen that too.
When my STBXAH was in the hospital for surgery, he was stark raving. I'm not sure if it was withdrawal, or maybe his liver couldn't process the pain meds, but he was totally off his rocker.
It was frightening.
He was fine immediately after surgery, but about 48 hours in is when the craziness started. I begged them to keep him longer, as I knew I wouldn't be able to control him at home.
Anyway - just letting you know that someone else has seen that too.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
I'm so sorry for all your pain.
I don't really know what to say, but that just maybe you don't have to make any decisions right now. Your husband is taken care of by profesionals, and in the best case scenario it will be a slow process. Maybe you can take some time for yourself, don't see your AH as much, let go of him for awhile and give yourself some time to grieve the loss of your beloved daughter. Than in time, and depending on how your AH does you'll know what is the right decision in regard to him.
Just give yourself permission to do the right thing for you right now, it doesn't have to be a life long decision, only for this point in time. Like taking the break from all that is happening with your AH until you find out what is it that you really want to do and what you can do. There is nothing you can do for him right now, but there is so much that you can do for yourself.
I don't know if this makes any sense to you, I hope it does, as I've been thinking of you often and trying to think of things to say that just maybe could be a little helpful.
Take care
HUGS
I don't really know what to say, but that just maybe you don't have to make any decisions right now. Your husband is taken care of by profesionals, and in the best case scenario it will be a slow process. Maybe you can take some time for yourself, don't see your AH as much, let go of him for awhile and give yourself some time to grieve the loss of your beloved daughter. Than in time, and depending on how your AH does you'll know what is the right decision in regard to him.
Just give yourself permission to do the right thing for you right now, it doesn't have to be a life long decision, only for this point in time. Like taking the break from all that is happening with your AH until you find out what is it that you really want to do and what you can do. There is nothing you can do for him right now, but there is so much that you can do for yourself.
I don't know if this makes any sense to you, I hope it does, as I've been thinking of you often and trying to think of things to say that just maybe could be a little helpful.
Take care
HUGS
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