kia

this will be third test but yes its niggling at the back of my head so i think i will im annoyed though hes doing this to me yet again thanks though for advice xxx

freebuthurting

There is no excuse for dragging the children into this mess and your anger is justified but it won't achieve anything. Please start looking after you and your children. Get a test to put your mind at rest about that aspect and I hope you find the strength to get through this most difficult time so that you can find your way into the easier time.

kia

right now i dont know if i can im drowning

freebuthurting

The drowning feeling is just shock - it will pass. Don't give in to it - you cannot change the situation but you can come out the other side if you hold on to what you know is right and what you know is true. Whenever I tried to make sense out of AH I felt I was going to drown. You are not alone - however much you feel it.

kia

i feel it though

freebuthurting

You are here - and I am here. That means you are not alone. In a way it helped me when I realised that I felt more alone when AH was here than now he isn't. There are worse things than being alone.
I wish I knew what to say to you to make this better but I don't. Its hard...its really really hard but it does get easier.

Bolina

Kia

Call the Samaritans on 08457909090 if you need to talk to someone.

Is it possible that you are mistaking love for need because you're lonely? I find it sad that you aren't furious about him putting you through this hell. Whatever you do, don't sleep with him again. He's either riddled with STDs or a really nasty man (or both). You don't deserve to be treated like this.

Please call the Samaritans. They are trained to listen and not judge.

freebuthurting

Thats a good idea Bolina - I really feel that you should talk to someone Kia.

bookwyrm

Kia, you can do this. Take it one hour at a time. Heck, one minute at a time if you have to! You will get through this somehow. You have people in your life who do love you - your friends and family that you've posted about here. You are worth so much. Please take care of yourself and be kind to yourself - don't call yourself names. It just isn't true!

missb89

AIDS is no joking matter and I have no idea for the life of me why someone would tell you they had it, even just to hurt you, as it is an awful implication to put on themselves. I would get tested every 6 months, for quite some time. HIV can remain latent and you can get a multitude of negative tests, even if you do have it. I am not trying to scare you, but it is just such a serious issue.

Tally

Think of it as an open wound. You're in pain but you've gone no contact and you're healing.
Every time you break that no contact it's like picking the scab off. It hurts again but you've sated that need to "pick" at it. The more you "pick" at it, the longer you will take to fully heal and the more chance you have of scarring.

This is one of my favourite posts on SR, when I first read it I was such a mess and it made me howl like a baby but it's so true.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ain-stops.html

kia

thanks for been there and i know theres nowt anyone can say just time will ease it i hope and stop the pain and the not wanting to live anymore the ex hubby was supportive today he wasnt the drinker but hes trying to make me see this man for what he is cos he fell for a drinker too and well it ended our marriage so he knows says i just need to be alone for a while and do things to get me well again prob very wise

kia

ive got the number bookmarked on here already in case i get really desperate and im getting there now the ex hubby reckons hes made it up cos he knows of him to get rid of a nusiance ex gf i dunno to be honest but he reckons its rubbish he just laughed when i told him but i think for peace of mind i will go get tested cos it will always be there in back of mind ermm just out of interest would anyone know if u had aids for 10 years wouldnt it be passed to his 3 years old child whom he dont see anymore cos i would say yes it would and that he wouldnt risk his child catching this so wouldnt have had one to pass it on even hes not the callous but then isnt it callous to tell me he has got it

freebuthurting

Your ex sounds a lot like my ex. He was supportive too - so much so that he let me sleep on an airbed on his floor while me and the children waited for my AH to get out of the house (which took 9 days as he had to fly back to the USA). He said the same things to me that your ex has said to you. My Ex is the father of my children too. I was a complete idiot to end things with him.
Oh well - the benefit of hindsite is a wonderful thing.

kia

i been down the road of getting back with him though and it didnt work cos the drinker came back after been gone for 6 months and talked me back again and i broke his heart leaving him a second time so not going there again we work better as friends and hes very supportive atm never saying i told u so just trying to reason things out