relocating me and the kids
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: East Coast
Posts: 90
relocating me and the kids
STBAXH is leaving in a few weeks for 3 months, he has cancer and has a procedure in another state. *I have been awaiting moving back home, into my house for the duration of his absence. *The kids start school 2 days after he leaves which would have given us a little time to to begin to settle back in. *A good bit of their stuff is there anyway since when I left everything stayed and he and I have been attempting to share custody for the past couple of months *or so.
We have been waiting all summer for his "leave date" for treatment, I actually thought he's be gone during the summer but for some reason it was pushed back. *Once I had the date I emailed him and asked what his plan was to help me support the children financially while he was gone. *Received nothing from him except that all future correspondence will be lawyer to lawyer. *A couple weeks past and still no plan. *Emailed him a list of needed school supplies for kids (I bought most of them), sports supplies and other things needed for the kids after schhol activites. *Again asking him to verify that he will be helping me pay for things on their lists.
Called the mortgage company and found out the house is slated for foreclosure.
Sat down and looked at my income from my current job. *Ran the numbers on what it will cost us to live back in house while he's gone. *There is no extra money for childcare so I will have to cut my hours at work, my boss called HR and verified that if I did that I would lose my healthcare coverage for me and the kids. *So I be making less money AND losing my benefits. *Not exactly a win-win situation.
Called lawyer and used the last few dollars of my retainer to have her send a letter to STBAXH and his lawyer informing them of the situation and how much money I will need to survive while he's gone. *I had her inform them that I was planning to move back to my hometown and in with my father where we can live/eat for free if STBXAH could not help me financially.
Today I received their response. *Apparently STBAXH's business has failed and he's filing bankrupcy. *He has no money and since he won't be generating income during proceedure he cannot meet my financial needs for the kids while he's gone. *His lawyer has told him not to pay another mortagage payment, so it's just a matter of time before the house goes.
He's apparently stilling looking at his finances to determine what if anything he can give me. School has started already where we will move to so time is of the essence in getting the kids relocated.
They plan (probably already have doen it) to file something with the courts that will prevent me from leaving the state with kids. *So he wants me to stay here while he's gone, where I don't have enough money to live and feed our children and he's not even going to be around? *I don't even want to move. *All my friends are here, I've lived her for 10 years but what choice do I have? *Go one welfare b/c he's demanding that I stay here?
Someone please tell me it gets better and this madness, insanity will end.
We have been waiting all summer for his "leave date" for treatment, I actually thought he's be gone during the summer but for some reason it was pushed back. *Once I had the date I emailed him and asked what his plan was to help me support the children financially while he was gone. *Received nothing from him except that all future correspondence will be lawyer to lawyer. *A couple weeks past and still no plan. *Emailed him a list of needed school supplies for kids (I bought most of them), sports supplies and other things needed for the kids after schhol activites. *Again asking him to verify that he will be helping me pay for things on their lists.
Called the mortgage company and found out the house is slated for foreclosure.
Sat down and looked at my income from my current job. *Ran the numbers on what it will cost us to live back in house while he's gone. *There is no extra money for childcare so I will have to cut my hours at work, my boss called HR and verified that if I did that I would lose my healthcare coverage for me and the kids. *So I be making less money AND losing my benefits. *Not exactly a win-win situation.
Called lawyer and used the last few dollars of my retainer to have her send a letter to STBAXH and his lawyer informing them of the situation and how much money I will need to survive while he's gone. *I had her inform them that I was planning to move back to my hometown and in with my father where we can live/eat for free if STBXAH could not help me financially.
Today I received their response. *Apparently STBAXH's business has failed and he's filing bankrupcy. *He has no money and since he won't be generating income during proceedure he cannot meet my financial needs for the kids while he's gone. *His lawyer has told him not to pay another mortagage payment, so it's just a matter of time before the house goes.
He's apparently stilling looking at his finances to determine what if anything he can give me. School has started already where we will move to so time is of the essence in getting the kids relocated.
They plan (probably already have doen it) to file something with the courts that will prevent me from leaving the state with kids. *So he wants me to stay here while he's gone, where I don't have enough money to live and feed our children and he's not even going to be around? *I don't even want to move. *All my friends are here, I've lived her for 10 years but what choice do I have? *Go one welfare b/c he's demanding that I stay here?
Someone please tell me it gets better and this madness, insanity will end.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
In many cases the judge will allow the custodial parent to take the children out of state, when it's not financially possible for them to stay where they are. And when the non-custodial parent cannot help with the expenses.
Judges don't want kids to starve just to stay within 100 miles of both parents.
Judges don't want kids to starve just to stay within 100 miles of both parents.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 13
Yes, the madness *does* end and life does begin anew.
*hugs*
What does your lawyer say about your decision to move back to your hometown for the sake of financial survival? Where will the kids go to school if you end up back there?
What about trying to find a job in your hometown, living with your dad for a time while you put aside some cash and get back on your feet? I ended up doing something similar, though my parents live in the same city where XAH and I lived....
*hugs*
What does your lawyer say about your decision to move back to your hometown for the sake of financial survival? Where will the kids go to school if you end up back there?
What about trying to find a job in your hometown, living with your dad for a time while you put aside some cash and get back on your feet? I ended up doing something similar, though my parents live in the same city where XAH and I lived....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: East Coast
Posts: 90
My lawyer says that it doesn't look like I have any other choice but to go. The kids would go to the school my little brother went to (many years ago) which is right around the corner from my Dad's house.
My plan is to get a better job with more hours and benefits, I have an interview already set up for when I get down there. I have been looking for work here for the past 5 months and nothing has worked out, I have honestly tried.
Am worried that AH is going to try to hold onto them and not give me access next week when it's his week of custody. I pray he comes to his senses and realizes it better for them.
My plan is to get a better job with more hours and benefits, I have an interview already set up for when I get down there. I have been looking for work here for the past 5 months and nothing has worked out, I have honestly tried.
Am worried that AH is going to try to hold onto them and not give me access next week when it's his week of custody. I pray he comes to his senses and realizes it better for them.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
Instead of waiting to see if your husband petitions the court to force you to stay in-state, how about having your attorney take the lead and file a motion allowing you to move wherever you need to in order to find work? Sort of head him off at the pass regarding the court.
I agree with Still Waters that the court doesn't want you or your kids to starve and live on the streets if the house if foreclosed. I think I would take the aggressive stance of letting him know that you will do whatever is necessary to take care of yourself and the kids regardless of what he wants. He's just trying to control you, just like my ex tried to do to me. It's time he learns that he isn't special and does not hold all the cards.
I agree with Still Waters that the court doesn't want you or your kids to starve and live on the streets if the house if foreclosed. I think I would take the aggressive stance of letting him know that you will do whatever is necessary to take care of yourself and the kids regardless of what he wants. He's just trying to control you, just like my ex tried to do to me. It's time he learns that he isn't special and does not hold all the cards.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: East Coast
Posts: 90
I agree Suki that his goal is control. When I left he lost some of that over me, now all that's left is the kids and he's using them too.
I can leave, there is nothing in place to stop me since we have not been to court yet. The key is to get them to my hometown and into school so that when he takes me to court they are settled and hopefully the judge agrees that is the best thing for them.
I can leave, there is nothing in place to stop me since we have not been to court yet. The key is to get them to my hometown and into school so that when he takes me to court they are settled and hopefully the judge agrees that is the best thing for them.
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