Loving More Than I Am Loved
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
Loving More Than I Am Loved
This is gonna be part rant and part observation so bear with me.
It seems that I have always loved more than I have been loved. Part of it is that I was always attracted to those types of guys who just can't reciprocate for whatever reason. Distant/unavailable/taken/whatever. Part of it is that what I was offering was not love but obsession. Typical codie affection - strangling whatever healthiness may have been there to begin with.
I realize this about myself now. But it makes me sad to think that now that I know these things about myself, it may be that I will never find someone who I can have a healthy, intimate relationship with. I harp on this a lot on SR, I know. I'm just really lonely and HALTing a bit right now and its getting to me more than it usually does.
I've been trying to expand my horizons and plan interesting stuff to keep my mind occupied and get out into the world. But like I said, today its getting to me. And my birthday is coming up in a few weeks - I wrote a post right about that time last year that explains some of my August doldrums....
Sorry about the whining but I just needed to get this off my chest and out of my head. Can't do damage here because love kills it
It seems that I have always loved more than I have been loved. Part of it is that I was always attracted to those types of guys who just can't reciprocate for whatever reason. Distant/unavailable/taken/whatever. Part of it is that what I was offering was not love but obsession. Typical codie affection - strangling whatever healthiness may have been there to begin with.
I realize this about myself now. But it makes me sad to think that now that I know these things about myself, it may be that I will never find someone who I can have a healthy, intimate relationship with. I harp on this a lot on SR, I know. I'm just really lonely and HALTing a bit right now and its getting to me more than it usually does.
I've been trying to expand my horizons and plan interesting stuff to keep my mind occupied and get out into the world. But like I said, today its getting to me. And my birthday is coming up in a few weeks - I wrote a post right about that time last year that explains some of my August doldrums....
Sorry about the whining but I just needed to get this off my chest and out of my head. Can't do damage here because love kills it
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Little Rock, Arkansas
Posts: 161
Hey Ms. Magnet,
Your post is right on where I found myself after my break up with the world's craziest alcoholic. I looked back at all of my relationships and I was the text book codie. I didn't have relationships that lasted more than 3 months. But I did have friendships and a lot of them that have lasted for years.
I look at my situation as finally coming to terms with who I am as a person. Working on my codie self and actually practicing with friends. What I am most excited about, is where I will be in a year and the opportunities it will open to me and to the people who haven't met me yet!
Your post is right on where I found myself after my break up with the world's craziest alcoholic. I looked back at all of my relationships and I was the text book codie. I didn't have relationships that lasted more than 3 months. But I did have friendships and a lot of them that have lasted for years.
I look at my situation as finally coming to terms with who I am as a person. Working on my codie self and actually practicing with friends. What I am most excited about, is where I will be in a year and the opportunities it will open to me and to the people who haven't met me yet!
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Hi Dirtmagnet
I think I understand somewhat! When I was growing up I kind of did the same thing. As I got older though I realized (why). My father was never there for me and I was looking for love too. Trying to fill in that void, you see.
I can only suggest that you do what I starting to do - Look at all your great qualities and start appreciating who you are, love yourself. I couldnt love anyone 100% until I liked myself.
I hope this makes some sense and maybe sit and think about why this can be happening to you, then as it becomes clearer, you can step by step, unwind this obsession and become who you want to be. Hard I know, but you can do it hun. And you can do it on your own, you dont need someone else to fill in that void. Then, that someone special will just come along, watch and see.
I think I understand somewhat! When I was growing up I kind of did the same thing. As I got older though I realized (why). My father was never there for me and I was looking for love too. Trying to fill in that void, you see.
I can only suggest that you do what I starting to do - Look at all your great qualities and start appreciating who you are, love yourself. I couldnt love anyone 100% until I liked myself.
I hope this makes some sense and maybe sit and think about why this can be happening to you, then as it becomes clearer, you can step by step, unwind this obsession and become who you want to be. Hard I know, but you can do it hun. And you can do it on your own, you dont need someone else to fill in that void. Then, that someone special will just come along, watch and see.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Hmmm, I am older than dirt, and I really don't think that my life will be over if I do not have a significant other. In fact, I am very happy just spending time with me, not trying to fix someone else, not having to take care of another loser...as, that is what I have always chosen before, losers.
Society as we know it says if we are to be considered normal we must have a mate, then we must have children...why? I passed on children and for now I pass on a mate, I need to refind me, for me.
Just where I am in my life, perhaps you need to change that tape that you are playing over and over in your head...that you cannot be happy unless you are in a relationship.
To me, you are obsessing, relax enjoy where are you are in your life!
Tomorrow is another day, live in and enjoy today!
Society as we know it says if we are to be considered normal we must have a mate, then we must have children...why? I passed on children and for now I pass on a mate, I need to refind me, for me.
Just where I am in my life, perhaps you need to change that tape that you are playing over and over in your head...that you cannot be happy unless you are in a relationship.
To me, you are obsessing, relax enjoy where are you are in your life!
Tomorrow is another day, live in and enjoy today!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Your name does not do YOU justice, just tells me how little good stuff you expect to come your way.
Maybe looking at what you want instead of what you usually get, may help you choose a more positive and hopeful name and lead to your wishes being fulfilled.
God bless
Maybe looking at what you want instead of what you usually get, may help you choose a more positive and hopeful name and lead to your wishes being fulfilled.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
I am still trying to figure this out. I dont know if I loved him too much. Many times I felt like I hate my stxah. I am starting to realize I have abandonment issues though. But I have to say I pick the guys that are toxic.
This insight is great! You are doing so well. Keep up the great work!
Hugs
Lulu
This insight is great! You are doing so well. Keep up the great work!
Hugs
Lulu
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: seeking sanity
Posts: 645
I'm with Transformyself. This name just won't do. You've got to love yourself before anyone can love you as you deserve.
Help us out...give us a list of your hobbies, likes, dislikes and we'll make some suggestions.
Help us out...give us a list of your hobbies, likes, dislikes and we'll make some suggestions.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Hi DirtMagnet...the first thing I thought of when I read your post is this book:
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood. I read it many years ago and think it's one of the best on this topic.
Thanks for sharing. Awareness is a good place to start. _Only_ when I finally figure out that I'm not where I'd like to be....can I change the direction I'm headed.
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood. I read it many years ago and think it's one of the best on this topic.
Thanks for sharing. Awareness is a good place to start.
It seems that I have always loved more than I have been loved......I realize this about myself now
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