Stupid codie moments
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Stupid codie moments
Though things are quiet on the AH front (I still haven't given my lawyer the GO to pursue CS, though we've obtained his financial info and I was told I would be awarded 223$ per month), I'm struggling to keep my codie habits under control where my friends are concerned.
When DD was in her first daycare, the caregiver there was a Haitian immigrant who had over a decade of experience in childcare and was particularly good at getting DD acclimated to her new environment. I had trouble getting to know the woman at first because there was a language barrier, but I found her to be quite humorous and loving when I did get to know her. She had some trouble with the owner of the daycare exploiting her and of course, I offered to help her. In fact, I helped her find a secondary job as a mother's helper (as in, I updated her resume, sent out a letter, organized the initial interview...the works). I also directed her to a social worker when she had some issues with her resident's permit. So, I set myself up as her local Saviour. Bad bad codie.
This woman found herself fired from DD's old daycare when the owner wanted to save money and hire some cheaper labour. I helped her find another job in another daycare, but it didn't work out.
So now, because I set things up this way, this woman has been "relying" on me to find her more work, and I'm beginning to realize what a trap this is, both for me and for her. She's very competent in more than one area, she's definitely not a lazy person, and she's got a good heart, and yet, she still doesn't look for work herself...because I have always helped her. She has called me a few times at work asking if I could look for work for her, and every time I just chicken out and say I will.
I honestly haven't had the time because I'm currently undergoing a job search for myself, in an effort to get out of the industry I work in. The time crunch had made me realize that I need to tell her--gently--to do things for herself, but the codie in me is voicing her objections rather loudly.
Suggestions?
(I can hear it now: "suck it up and tell her off!")
When DD was in her first daycare, the caregiver there was a Haitian immigrant who had over a decade of experience in childcare and was particularly good at getting DD acclimated to her new environment. I had trouble getting to know the woman at first because there was a language barrier, but I found her to be quite humorous and loving when I did get to know her. She had some trouble with the owner of the daycare exploiting her and of course, I offered to help her. In fact, I helped her find a secondary job as a mother's helper (as in, I updated her resume, sent out a letter, organized the initial interview...the works). I also directed her to a social worker when she had some issues with her resident's permit. So, I set myself up as her local Saviour. Bad bad codie.
This woman found herself fired from DD's old daycare when the owner wanted to save money and hire some cheaper labour. I helped her find another job in another daycare, but it didn't work out.
So now, because I set things up this way, this woman has been "relying" on me to find her more work, and I'm beginning to realize what a trap this is, both for me and for her. She's very competent in more than one area, she's definitely not a lazy person, and she's got a good heart, and yet, she still doesn't look for work herself...because I have always helped her. She has called me a few times at work asking if I could look for work for her, and every time I just chicken out and say I will.
I honestly haven't had the time because I'm currently undergoing a job search for myself, in an effort to get out of the industry I work in. The time crunch had made me realize that I need to tell her--gently--to do things for herself, but the codie in me is voicing her objections rather loudly.
Suggestions?
(I can hear it now: "suck it up and tell her off!")
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 545
Originally Posted by nodaybut2day 
So now, because I set things up this way, this woman has been "relying" on me to find her more work, and I'm beginning to realize what a trap this is, both for me and for her. She's very competent in more than one area, she's definitely not a lazy person, and she's got a good heart, and yet, she still doesn't look for work herself...because I have always helped her. She has called me a few times at work asking if I could look for work for her, and every time I just chicken out and say I will.
I honestly haven't had the time because I'm currently undergoing a job search for myself, in an effort to get out of the industry I work in. The time crunch had made me realize that I need to tell her--gently--to do things for herself, but the codie in me is voicing her objections rather loudly.
I honestly haven't had the time because I'm currently undergoing a job search for myself, in an effort to get out of the industry I work in. The time crunch had made me realize that I need to tell her--gently--to do things for herself, but the codie in me is voicing her objections rather loudly.
If you remove the Hatian caretaker and instead put in any alcoholic or addict.... that pretty much sums it up for me... sure she is disadvantaged with a language barrier... the alcoholics/addicts in our lives are disadvantaged with a disease.... the Hatian caretakers responses are very similar to what I've heard alcoholics/addicts say....
We codies are well intended... the problem with that... is we take on other peoples problems and rob them of the opportunity to fly on their own and in the process sink ourselves.
Indeed it is a trap and interestingly enough... you/we invite the situation... by trying to help... Don't get me wrong... that's what I do... that's what I did! **LIGHT BULB ALERT**
Thanks to you I am much more AWARE of how I'll be offering to help in the future.
((hugs)) and big thanks!
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