How many of you have gone no contact....and then.....
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 394
How many of you have gone no contact....and then.....
received a barrage of quacking from your A's friends, once your A realised they could not get to you anymore? Man, they are adept, mine even has her friends (who do not know the whole story btw) quacking in order to elicit a response.
It's tough, because I am currently involved in custody/paternity issues and this person has now taken on the mantle that I am 'not a real man' on behalf of my ex A.....ugh.
I know, I know, quacking.
And the response I want to give is, 'Speak to my lawyer regarding any issues regarding any of this as there are still pending legalities that are highly sensitive that need to be worked out.' Even though it's none of this guy's business.
It's tough, because I am currently involved in custody/paternity issues and this person has now taken on the mantle that I am 'not a real man' on behalf of my ex A.....ugh.
I know, I know, quacking.
And the response I want to give is, 'Speak to my lawyer regarding any issues regarding any of this as there are still pending legalities that are highly sensitive that need to be worked out.' Even though it's none of this guy's business.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Portland, OR
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I think it's up to you whether you feel the need to respond at all. In my personal journey, I had kept AH's secrets for so long that at some point I just told the truth to anyone who asked. Why did I kick him out on the street? Oh, well, after dealing with his drinking problems for 5 years, he had an affair with my friend. Yeah, I figured you'd understand.
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Yeah, I would like to, but given the sensitive legal nature of all this, I really cannot. I think it's just the ex putting a friend up to it because I haven't responded to any of her goading in so long and she hasn't been able to elicit the response she would like. Also, she probably is wondering what my lawyer is up to.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Portland, OR
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Good job being level-headed then. My X was not concerned with any of the legal stuff. I just got really fed up with hearing about how he left me because I wasn't fun and spontaneous and how he put up with my abuuuuuuse for sooooo lonnnngggg and his affair had nothing to do with anything. I was like, oh hail no.
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Originally Posted by wanting 
Good job being level-headed then. My X was not concerned with any of the legal stuff. I just got really fed up with hearing about how he left me because I wasn't fun and spontaneous and how he put up with my abuuuuuuse for sooooo lonnnngggg and his affair had nothing to do with anything. I was like, oh hail no.
Evidently, lying, manipulating and emotional blackmail aren't abuse, don't you know. Much less cheating.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Portland, OR
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FYI, not wanting your spouse to hang out with the person they're having an affair with = being controlling. Also, having a job and paying the bills = not being fun and spontaneous.
That's a$$hole math, so you may not be familiar with it.
That's a$$hole math, so you may not be familiar with it.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
No response is best.
I hate how "friends" also get involved in the mess and say stupid things.
But I regret most is hearing to them in the first place as if their words were important or true.
Now looking back I see how no one was there for me, not in the good times of course not in the bad times either.
I love it that I can choose my friends better now. At least that picker works well for me now. I hope you can find old friends that get you and/or make new friends that have nothing to do with that!
I feel better when I give no explanations to people that don't truly care about me anyway.
I hate how "friends" also get involved in the mess and say stupid things.
But I regret most is hearing to them in the first place as if their words were important or true.
Now looking back I see how no one was there for me, not in the good times of course not in the bad times either.
I love it that I can choose my friends better now. At least that picker works well for me now. I hope you can find old friends that get you and/or make new friends that have nothing to do with that!
I feel better when I give no explanations to people that don't truly care about me anyway.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 394
Cheers all. I'm actually lucky in that I have many great friends, many from grade school, my two best mates I've known 25 and 30 years respectively, and others since back in the 80s - naturally, my ex A never wanted to get to know them. I'm also lucky in that I have the most wonderful mother a person could ever have, she's going to be with my little girl today so I'm happy about that.
As for that person saying crap about me - I simply told him that if he had anything to say to me, here's my phone number. Of course he played dumb and asked why, and I just said because you are being a busy body. That pretty well stopped him in his tracks.
Really it's all just an attempt to rile me up because we will likely be going to family court in the next couple weeks.
Cheers all. I'm going to enjoy my weekend and I hope all of you do as well.
Peace.
As for that person saying crap about me - I simply told him that if he had anything to say to me, here's my phone number. Of course he played dumb and asked why, and I just said because you are being a busy body. That pretty well stopped him in his tracks.
Really it's all just an attempt to rile me up because we will likely be going to family court in the next couple weeks.
Cheers all. I'm going to enjoy my weekend and I hope all of you do as well.
Peace.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
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Originally Posted by wanting
FYI, not wanting your spouse to hang out with the person they're having an affair with = being controlling. Also, having a job and paying the bills = not being fun and spontaneous.
That's a$$hole math, so you may not be familiar with it.
That's a$$hole math, so you may not be familiar with it.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 566
"FYI, not wanting your spouse to hang out with the person they're having an affair with = being controlling. Also, having a job and paying the bills = not being fun and spontaneous.
That's a$$hole math, so you may not be familiar with it."
Oh wanting, beautifully said!!!
If that "controlling", then I'm definitely guilty as charged! And I'm adding the "a$$hole math" to my vocabulary, thank you!
posie
That's a$$hole math, so you may not be familiar with it."
Oh wanting, beautifully said!!!
If that "controlling", then I'm definitely guilty as charged! And I'm adding the "a$$hole math" to my vocabulary, thank you!
posie
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