sad#3

She has no family or friends to stay with. I imagine she will be in jail for 6 months, but when she gets out we'll be divorced by then. She has no car, no place to stay and now facing a felony charge along with all the misdemeanors, I don't see her getting a job. She went for over a year without a job and I know she was trying to get one. Noone wants to hire a 42 yr. old with a record.... Homeless shelter?

lulu1974

I thought this way about my stbxah and guess what. he did fine. he stayed with friends..got his own apartment and is still drinking. I was very worried at the time and he holds it against me that I asked him to leave but every so often he would say how much he prefers living alone. She will need to reach out to her HP for help..like most of us do.

Bucyn

Better question:

What will happen to you?

<-- Me. Now that AH is Xah. It can be you too!

Serenebynow

Yes, what about you? Have you tried any recovery? I read your threads, you always seem to focus on her. I know you've been to hell and back. Can you try alanon or acoa or some help for you? Focus on yourself sad, not her.

steve11694

It's not your problem anymore, thank the Lord.

Many of us never stop caring/loving the person, but unless they decide to attain meaningful recovery, theres nothing we can do except lament, worry, hypothesize, care, etc, etc.

We already know how far enabling gets us/them. She may straighten out, who knows.

I will admit that I often have a silent prayer for my aw. She has found more enablers.

Mambo Queen

If it helps ease your worries a little, my XAH seemed to be in a right mess many times too, but I have found that there is more of a "social safety net" than you might think if the A's choose to avail themselves of them. My XAH did Salvation Army, which isn't an option for a female, but most shelters are more women-oriented than men, and if she wanted to find help, it is out there. Including help for finding a job, finding shelter, becoming a productive member of society again, etc. I haven't read all your posts yet, but sometimes "being in the system" too, even if it is as an ex-con, is actually beneficial because then she has people like parole officers, etc. that are actively looking out for her welfare as well. I know us codies shouldn't dwell on the "but what will happen to him/her's", but I always struggled with that too, and it did help me put my mind at ease and get the focus back on myself when I learned that there IS help out there that they can get if they want it.

barb dwyer

Sad,
I'm speaking to you from the OTHER side of the fence right now -

... as an alcoholic.

you know what?

WE SURVIVE. We always do. There's a reason for that saying "God loves a drunk."
God loves drunks ... because alcoholics miss God the most.
We survive. We get by. We keep waking up.
It's fundamental to what we are, i think.

listen - I've learned since being in recovery myself:
The fed system regarding the rehabilitation of alcoholics is clearly laid out.
If she does what they tell her - it'll include therapy,
halfway houses, three-quarter-houses...
job rehabilitation...
hell she can even get a degree if she decides to go that route.


your tax dollars at work.

it's often bewailed that there's not enough provided,
but speaking as the spouse of a child abuser -
there's pitifully little abvailable to the family of abusers
that don't include some kind of reintroduction of the creep into our lives.
I know that part - first hand.

meanwhile - there are no such govt' subsidised services for YOU.

So - what are you going to do to get your own life back into your main focus?