BS08

I've been training all season to do this last race at my ex's hill. I was hoping to just go, do the race and leave. Now I find out that my replacement is going to be racing. So here I'll be, trying to race, watching him cheer her on. How the **** am I going to do this? I don't want to not do the race, I've trained too hard for it, but the thought of seeing them together on this one is something I don't know if I can face...

When will I not care?

KeepPedaling

I think it's just time to heal. Once you've healed and feel healthy and happy again, you won't care.

Run that race for you. If you catch a glimpse of him or her just look away and keep running! And congratulations for all the hard training you did to get to the race. That's a major achievement right there. Most of us don't have that kind of determination.

Also, if you feel like it will make you feel too horrible, I'm sure there's another race, another time, or in another town that you could go to. Don't feel like you have to go to THAT race. You've trained to run a race, you can always find another race, so the training won't have been in vain.

Break a sneaker whatever you decide!

wicked

BS08,
Will you have your own cheerleaders there? If possible I would get some there, to get real loud.
I wish I could be there, I know how it is to train for something so long.
Please don't let them mess up this fantastic moment that is for you and only you.
Get some cheerleaders there, or focus on winning.
Winning is great for this kinda thing!
Focus, focus, focus. You need it to win. Do it.
Beth

BS08

It's a ski mountaineering race. It's the last one of the season and the biggest one I will do. I've tried to recruit friends, but they are either working or patrolling. No one can come. It will be a small pool of people racing and having to do it alone is really going to be hard. But I also don't want them to scare me off. But it is on his turf, with his friends, with my replacement. I'm outnumbered. ****. And she's an athletic animal. I just am not at her level yet, so she will show me up. I didn't do all this work for nothing. I know I don't have to go and do it, but it's the last one, and my biggest challenge. It's 4500ft vertical. I've only done 3500. I have to compete and try and maintain some of my dignity...

bookwyrm

So change how you think about this. Reframe the situation and take back your power. You are making a choice. You don't 'have' to do anything. This is something that you are choosing to do FOR YOU. You can choose to avoid the pair of them and not go. Or you can choose to ignore them and keep the focus on you when you go. It is your power and your choice. I know when I reframe a situation in this way, it doesn't change the facts but it does change how I feel about it. Get empowered - be your own cheerleader!!

MsPINKAcres

((BS08))

I hate that you are faced with situation - but can I ask you a favor?
Can you change your goal/motivation for skiing this race?

Can you race it for all of us? For each one of us that have been in the same situation and not had your courage to face the ex and the "replacement";
for the ones who haven't had the courage to walk away yet,
for the ones who aren't able to leave because of the financial strains,
for the ones that can't leave because of the fear of physical harm~the ones they are trap because of the way the A keeps the emotionally trapped thru fear
for the ones who still don't know there is another way

Can you build on this?

Can you not focus on the ex and girlfriend?

Can you race for us, for all those yet to join us, for yourself?

It's not about them, it's not about him, it's not about the new girlfriend, it's about your new freedom - your new life - your ability to be Happy, Joyous and Free!!!

HUGS to you!

Rita

wicked

Oh my! My breath was taken away just thinking about it!

Anvil said:
Please, please go. You will do your personal best!
I know I am behind you 100%
I wish I could be there with a bullhorn!
You go you powerful wonderful champion!

again WOW!

Jadmack25

OH sweet Lord.....what do you mean ONLY?

Heck I get the shakes just thinking of height and add that to skiing!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!

I love Terra Firma.

The more firmer, the less terror.

If you don't go, it will be there next year and you will be stronger, better equipped for it.

If you do go, you go with your fan club (us) cheering you on.

God bless

BS08

That's a great way to look at it Anvilhead. As a metaphysical mountain as well as physical. I couldn't do this a year ago, and here I am. I think if I can see it more as where I've come from over the past year and how I've grown, it will take the focus back to me. Just like I push myself when I get mentally tired, this will be a push to show what I'm made of, in all relms. Suck it up, show my face and let him see the woman I've become.

I knew I came to the right place when I panicked last night. I feel empowered already...

And Japic05, that's a lovely idea. I can race in my mind for those who can't...

Thanks!

DMC

Yes, race for you, race for us. You can do it!

I'll be cheering you on from, um, sea level.

PHIZ007

We are all here cheering for YOU!....stuff the rest....(in a good way I mean!) Take good care Phiz

Hammerhead

BS08 Congratulations on all your achievements thus far!!! You are AWESOME.

In the event that you do run into "her"... may I suggest that you look at her and just smile... a real big smile. You know and WE know that you have already climbed the biggest hill... one that she may not even be aware of.

This isn't about her... not one little bit.... this is about YOU.... and showing YOU what YOU are made of....

We (SR) already know you're a WINNER.

TakingCharge999

Suck it up, show my face and let him see the woman I've become.

Let him see? well with a blurred vision I don't think alkies can see much anyway.

If he didn't see it while with you I don't think he will get it now that you are safely away. His opinion doesn't matter anyway..




Wow... I didn't get much of what you are doing, it just sounds incredible to me!

Well I tried to "demonstrate" many things and I have found that stresses me a lot and creates tension.

You don't have to demonstrate anything to anyone. Even if you came up last or if you went then found it to be too much tension and went back home, I would still find it super and brave!!

I'm with Rita 100%!!!! do it for us also, who see ex and new partners yet still do our thing and recover.

You know ex here also has tons of "friends" all of them males, etc, and I have no "allies" that get it or I can really count on, and who cares? more power to you going alone. You got the best cheerleader> YOURSELF!! and also us in spirit wow I am very proud. I hope you plan to treat yourself afterwards!! you will be very satisfied in the end.

kittykitty

When's the race? I want to know so we can give you extra hugs the day before!!! Sending you good vibes!

Jadmack25

Yes, time and day of race please, so we are with you all the way to the finish.

Go get 'em, girl !

God bless

FindingPeace1

I'm glad you don't want to be scared off!
But it doesn't have to be a competition between you and her. It can be a competition between you and you. She can't "show you up" if you disregard her!
All the work we do is for us. As they say, life is a journey, not a destination. So nothing is lost if you were to decide NOT to go.
I think challenges are fabulous.
But, you don't HAVE to compete and maintain your dignity or anything else! No HAVE TO's. Examine that. Who says you HAVE to? What will happen if you don't? Is that true?
Lastly, your dignity was never lost. He (nor she) can take that away from you. So if you are trying to prove something, step back and breathe. You have everything and are everything you'll ever need.

And yet, if you decide to do it, may the wind be at your back.

Hugs and Peace.

BS08

The race is April 24th and starts at 08:30am. Skiing with friends today was very encouraging. They joked about "kicking her **** ass to athletic oblivion". Made me laugh.

But what I did realize is that this is for me and not him. I know what I'm made of and I'm doing this as a challenge to myself. If I come in dead last, who cares. Their opinion doesn't matter. My opinion does. Just have to keep my focus on me and forgot that they are there.

I'll keep you updated and thanks for all the encouragement.