SKVO

Hi, all.
When there is no one to share the pain its so great to find something like SR, thanks to all who shared their experiences and wisdom here, which helped me to understand a behaviour of my now ex boyfriend who is recovering alcoholic. sober for 1 year. When I ve met him I thought he is unique, amazing and so different from anybody else I have ever met. And I still think he is. Our relationship wasn't long, only four months, but I felt so happy as I didn't feel for a long time. He lives in other town and even though we saw each other only every couple of weekends we talked on the phone every single day for hours..he just broke it off with me a 1 1/2 week ago over the msg. He felt really down and fed up with things for a week, didn't want to work (he is self-employed) didn't want to see anybody, and even when he had to go to a family party he said he stayed at home in bed all day and didn't go. I coudn't find any words to uplift his mood and I just joked that it looks like he is suffering from depression. All he texted that it was a lousy thing to say, and he doesn't want to see me again called me a cheeky b...ch. I was shocked.. I thought he overreacted but apologised for my comment. but he never contacted me again since.. A felt angry first, but now just so sad and hurt.. keep asking myself did I really crossed the line as he said I did? just don't understand how can you cut a person out of ur life over a silly comment especially if you say u love one?.. kept blaming myself.. cried a river allready.. can't go back to my routine .. all I think about is him.. trying to understand what happened..miss him badly and want him back..
Sorry for a long post but really needed to put it off my chest as long as can't talk to any of my friends about it.. After reading all posts I could here
just wonder now - Am I codependant? I never felt that I need or want to fix him.. but I do blame myself for that comment.. And I feel like he owes me an explanation.. I just want things clear..
Thanks for reading and any answer will be greatly appriciated.

tpen

I am new here too, so my answer should not be completely accurate, but yes I believe you are codependent based on the 1 week I have been on this forum.

In a nutshell, my entire relationship had oddities, or drama. You seem to have been experiencing the same unanswered questions, or blamed. Keep reading, think some and go NC. It will become clearer, it has for me in less than a week!

SKVO

thanks for answer Tpen.. NC means no contact right? If that - I did had a temptetion to call him, he didn't answer so I just deleted the phone number and his profile from my facebook... keep reding about codependancy, never heard this term before.. and so confused now..and scared - have no idea how to deal with it..

Caligirl2010

Falling in love and truly caring about someone can lead you to feel codependent, but that's not it at all. You two were still in the newlywed stage of your relationship and for a female this is the time you want to spend more time with him in order to get to know him more, right? All of that is normal human behavior. It sounds like to me he might have relapsed. He does sound angry, but not at you, maybe at himself. Do not be hard on yourself, it seems your motives for having suggested him being depressed were pure and only to help him, not judge him or hurt him. I believe that people give up on others way too often and way too quickly in this generation, therefore, you will never hear me say to leave him or never talk to him again. I believe in a God full of second, third and endless chances. (I know He's been that patient with me.) I will only share with you what I've experienced with my AH. It's best you do give him his space. He needs to gather himself together. It sounds to me your are a very special girl. If he can't see it right now, it is definitely his loss. Keep your head up. You have so much to offer. But maybe it's not for him.

coffeedrinker

i think caligirl makes a good point - you may simply be in the throes on new love. it's pretty hard for me to read your handful of sentences and make a judgement like whether you are codependent or not.

but

codependent's tend to go with addicts.

and this man IS an addict, whether he has been off the drink for a year or not. it is still largely a part of who he is, only if he's been working a strong way of recovering from alcoholism, he probably shouldn't be acting like an addict most of the time.

i can only read between the lines on this one, but it does sound as though he may have had something to drink. the staying in bed, the owly mood, the blaming you - all are tendencies that an addict who is not sober would display.

best to you as you cope with this and heal from it. i believe that everything in life offers us an opportunity to learn something.

SKVO

Thak you all for ur words of support
After reading lots of posts here I figured out that recovering alcoholics going through a lot of issues, otherwise I would still be wrecking my head what a hell had happened!! I just regret I didn't come to this site at the beggining of our relationship when he told me he is a recovering alcoholic, I could understand him better. All I hope is that he didn't relapse - it took him too much of a hard work to get to the point where he is now. As for me I hope I am not a codependant, cos I believe no one can make a person happy but oneself, we all make our own choices. So I can't fix him nor I can help him. I just feel sorry and very very sad it didn't work out. Cos I did fall in love with him, it took me 2,5 years to get ready for new love.. Still every time my phone rings I hope its him.. but all I can do for now is step back and get on with my life.. the only thing, I know it might sound silly, - I still have some of his things, he told me to throw them away which I think is unreasonable cos they have value ( its a laptop and camera) I don't know his exact address, so can't post it to him. HAd A thought to drive there myself, but am afraid I'm not strong enough to face him.. Anybody has any thoughts?..