Thumper

Ugh. My aunt, who has helped me immensly, is making me a little crazy. Well, it is my reaction to her that is making me crazy.

She says all manner of awful things about xah. Some of them are true. Most of them are true. If his name is mentioned in just a normal way, which is only if she brings him up because I do not, then she goes to town.

This is the frusrtating part - I have to bite my tongue not to defend the man. Arg. I don't want to *defend* him. I do not like that reaction. I just want to get on with it and not think about him at all. I divorced him. I am free from that thankyouverymuch. I've told her when she asks about him that I DO NOT KNOW. I do not talk to him unless it is about dropping the kids off. I didn't hardly talk to him when we lived in the same house for cripes sakes.

Then she starts telling me how to think - and feel - and what I have to learn yet - and if only I knew what she knew - and what he is going to do and then what I am going to do (all mistakes) and how I will feel about it - and this and that and I just need to get off the phone. :sigh: OMG it makes me nutso.

Where are all the sane people?! Please - send one or two to my podunk town. The scary part is that there probably isn't a shortage of sane people, they probably just avoid me.

This isn't even about my xah is it. Just venting I guess.

freefalling

I get what you are saying. One gets past stuff. You deal with it in therapy/here or whereever. You learn that you cannot control people /that you have to stop telling other people (the A) how he should behave. You are now aware that you can only change yourself. you have grown. They must also get with the program.......

Summerpeach

Seriously, as I get older and sometimes wiser, I truly wonder if there are any sane people.
Well I think there are, but they are all under 5 yrs old :-)

This world messes us up :-)

Jadmack25

Look on the bright side. I figure we must be still reasonably sane, if only because thosein SR recognised we have problems and are trying to do something to address them.

As for your aunt, can you tell her "nicely" to start with, that you are over and done with discussing your marriage and your ex, and do not need her to keep talking about what is YOUR personal business? If she buttons her lip after that, good. If not then you may have to just let her know that you are not going to listen to her if she continues.

Good luck, and God bless

Thumper

Jadmack - I had put in my original post that why couldn't a few of you guys move near me, haha! (then deleted it)

Yes, I need to tell her I'm not talking about it *before* she starts in. I miss the mark, always hoping it will go better this time, or it won't happen, always avoiding. You'd think I'd have learned that avoiding doesn't work!

Freefall - Yes! Everyone needs to get with the program darn it.

Summerpeach. I think the kids are a little to sane. I have two that beat me at the battles of wit/staying power/patience to often!! They are crafty little dudes, always exploiting the situation to their benifit

laurie6781

Not necessarily. However, as soon as she mentions one word about XAH, is when you FIRMLY, LOVINGLY, and POLITELY say something like:

"I am done with THAT. That subject is no longer available for discussion between us and if you persist I will have to hang up."

Then immediately go on to another topic. If she persists, say it again. The third time, say:

"Bye."

and hang up. I had to do this with several family members, most finally got it, some never did, lol

This may have to occur a few times but your aunt will get the picture and finally understand that you are PAST this time in your life.

Although I know that many of our family that love believe they are helping it can be painful and sometimes we just have to do what is best for us to move on.

J M H O

Love and hugs,