AA Meetings with Mom
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Los Cabos, Mexico
Posts: 34
AA Meetings with Mom
A few weeks ago, I guess you could say that I enabled my mom by flying up to her apt., packing her things, and moving her in with my family. She no longer could afford her apt., or anything for that matter. Between the PD, OCD, depression, agoraphobia, claustrophobia, economy, and alcoholism, she stopped living. She drank whenever she had money, and slept. This went on for some time.
When I finally jumped in to "save" her (laughable thought), I arrived to find her drunk, and dry heaving because she had stopped eating and her entire digestive track was inflamed, and her skin bruises and tears easily (not laughable).
So now she's here, going to what she thinks is court order AA (really she is supposed to do a DMV approved program but I moved her out of state), and hates it. She likes the people there but gets claustrophobic, and still thinks she can control her drinking! I can only say she is at least eating, the edema is going away (love acupuncture), her skin looks a bit better and she isn't sleeping her life away, or drinking it away (for now).
She still blames everyone for the situation she is in, and senses my disgust, but doesn't understand why alcohol is my answer.
I take her to AA because it's too far for her to walk. I rather enjoy the meetings but totally see how selfish Alcoholic really are. I've yet to hear one person talk about how they hurt their families.
Does anyone know if this is ever a topic? Or is it really, even after 20+ years for some of the old timers, still only about THEM?
When I finally jumped in to "save" her (laughable thought), I arrived to find her drunk, and dry heaving because she had stopped eating and her entire digestive track was inflamed, and her skin bruises and tears easily (not laughable).
So now she's here, going to what she thinks is court order AA (really she is supposed to do a DMV approved program but I moved her out of state), and hates it. She likes the people there but gets claustrophobic, and still thinks she can control her drinking! I can only say she is at least eating, the edema is going away (love acupuncture), her skin looks a bit better and she isn't sleeping her life away, or drinking it away (for now).
She still blames everyone for the situation she is in, and senses my disgust, but doesn't understand why alcohol is my answer.
I take her to AA because it's too far for her to walk. I rather enjoy the meetings but totally see how selfish Alcoholic really are. I've yet to hear one person talk about how they hurt their families.
Does anyone know if this is ever a topic? Or is it really, even after 20+ years for some of the old timers, still only about THEM?
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
The meetings at AA are all about THEM. It is their support group. The meeting topics are sometimes preselected. They cover one step each month, one principle and sometimes each chapter has other topics they cover on a regular schedule.
Some of the conversations are kept private between the alcoholic and their sponsor. During open meetings you may hear an alcoholic share what it was like to be active in addiction and what harm they did to their friends and families. However, you may never hear what you want to hear at an AA meeting, because you are not an alcoholic.
Some AA meetings are held in the same location as Alanon meetings, and at the same time. Can you locate an Alanon meeting in the same area/time as your mother's AA meeting? As the loved one of an alcoholic, you will find answers for yourself through Alanon as well as here at SR,
I am a recovering alcoholic. I was in denial about my addiction for a very long time. I was not willing to admit how much harm my addiction was causing me mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. If I couldn't admit it to myself, I couldn't admit it to strangers and certainly couldn't admit it to my loved ones.
Your mother has only been attending AA for a few weeks. She needs time and privacy to find a sponsor and find her truth. However, AA is not a magical cure. She may never find recovery. Are you ready to accept the three C's of addiction?
You did not cause it
You can not control it
You will not cure it
Please make yourself at home by posting your frustrations and questions as much as needed. We are here to support you.
Some of the conversations are kept private between the alcoholic and their sponsor. During open meetings you may hear an alcoholic share what it was like to be active in addiction and what harm they did to their friends and families. However, you may never hear what you want to hear at an AA meeting, because you are not an alcoholic.
Some AA meetings are held in the same location as Alanon meetings, and at the same time. Can you locate an Alanon meeting in the same area/time as your mother's AA meeting? As the loved one of an alcoholic, you will find answers for yourself through Alanon as well as here at SR,
I am a recovering alcoholic. I was in denial about my addiction for a very long time. I was not willing to admit how much harm my addiction was causing me mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. If I couldn't admit it to myself, I couldn't admit it to strangers and certainly couldn't admit it to my loved ones.
Your mother has only been attending AA for a few weeks. She needs time and privacy to find a sponsor and find her truth. However, AA is not a magical cure. She may never find recovery. Are you ready to accept the three C's of addiction?
You did not cause it
You can not control it
You will not cure it
Please make yourself at home by posting your frustrations and questions as much as needed. We are here to support you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Los Cabos, Mexico
Posts: 34
I am ready to accept the three C's, almost LOL!
And it's not about what I want to hear, it's what SHE needs to hear. I suppose she isn't ready to grasp what she has done to us all, being that she still thinks she can control her drinking, and that "we" did this to her; being "forced" to give up her apt., car, pretty things etc.
She doesn't understand she was losing it all, and she'd be homeless if she wasn't living with me, or dead.
We do have Alanon here, but it's at someone's house and in a neighborhood I wouldn't dare travel to, and have been advised not to attend for various reasons. Lucky me, a number of people from AA I've known for sometime! They stop into my office, we close the door, and have little sessions just for me. Being a small town, even AA doesn't stay as private as it should, which is why I love this board (even if I mostly lurk).
Last night she commented that I'll probably still attend AA when (if) she moves back home. She might be right.
And it's not about what I want to hear, it's what SHE needs to hear. I suppose she isn't ready to grasp what she has done to us all, being that she still thinks she can control her drinking, and that "we" did this to her; being "forced" to give up her apt., car, pretty things etc.
She doesn't understand she was losing it all, and she'd be homeless if she wasn't living with me, or dead.
We do have Alanon here, but it's at someone's house and in a neighborhood I wouldn't dare travel to, and have been advised not to attend for various reasons. Lucky me, a number of people from AA I've known for sometime! They stop into my office, we close the door, and have little sessions just for me. Being a small town, even AA doesn't stay as private as it should, which is why I love this board (even if I mostly lurk).
Last night she commented that I'll probably still attend AA when (if) she moves back home. She might be right.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Originally Posted by CookiesAreDone 
She doesn't understand she was losing it all, and she'd be homeless if she wasn't living with me, or dead.
.
.
She may never understand that. She didn't reach her bottom. You saved her from her bottom.
You don't have to cure her addiction today, right? LOL
Give yourselves time.
It took me awhile to accept Step One:
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
I had to do step one from both sides of alcoholism. Step One as an alcoholic and Step One as the loved one of an alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by CookiesAreDone
I've yet to hear one person talk about how they hurt their families.
Does anyone know if this is ever a topic? Or is it really, even after 20+ years for some of the old timers, still only about THEM?
Does anyone know if this is ever a topic? Or is it really, even after 20+ years for some of the old timers, still only about THEM?
Early-in-recovery alcoholics aren't always aware of how they hurt their families. When they do the 4th-5th step, their part in the chaos is explained to them by their sponsors, or revealed through talking it out with their sponsors. The details of a 4th-5th step are really not suitable for sharing with a group at a group meeting. In later sobriety, they make amends through the 8th-9th steps, and continue to monitor their behavior through the 10th step.
Most steps on these steps are about how to do them, not opportunities to beat your chest and say how bad you've been. That's a drunk-a-logue and not really a sign of good sobriety.
BTW, your mom should be going to at least one step meeting per week. She's early in sobriety and she needs to hear people talk about the steps and break the program down for her. She also should get a sponsor.
There's also a lot in the Big Book and in the 12 X 12 about the family. There are meetings that concentrate on both or either. They talk about the family when they get to those chapters. My favorite chapter of the Big Book has a lot about the family in it -- in the 4th edition of the Big Book, it's called "Acceptance was the Answer." In the 3rd edition, it was called "Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict." You might want to read it. It's good for ACOA/Al-Anon folks, too.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Originally Posted by CookiesAreDone
I take her to AA because it's too far for her to walk. I rather enjoy the meetings but totally see how selfish Alcoholic really are. I've yet to hear one person talk about how they hurt their families.
Does anyone know if this is ever a topic? Or is it really, even after 20+ years for some of the old timers, still only about THEM?
Does anyone know if this is ever a topic? Or is it really, even after 20+ years for some of the old timers, still only about THEM?
I'm not going to take people's inventory on that one. I look around at many of our AA meetings and I might be wrong with the total but, it seems better then half the people in mine aren't married and live alone!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
I've yet to hear one person talk about how they hurt their families.
Does anyone know if this is ever a topic? Or is it really, even after 20+ years for some of the old timers, still only about THEM?
Does anyone know if this is ever a topic? Or is it really, even after 20+ years for some of the old timers, still only about THEM?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Los Cabos, Mexico
Posts: 34
Thank you everyone for your comments. I do understand that AA is about HER. I think I am a little bitter right now because as an A, no matter how generous she may be, it's ALWAYS been about her. Everything is.
Yes, I am dragging her there in hopes that one day something will sink in. She won't discuss it, but sitting there through the meetings, at least one tiny part of what one person says is more than relatable to her. It's sad the room closes in on her and she probably misses the point.
I've given her the out. When she complains about being there before we get of the car, I offer to take her home and she declines. Her mood is always elevated after a meetings. I think she protests too much! LOL
My father passed away several years ago (divorced when I was young) from the bottle. I know only she can save herself, but ... well there is no butt. Just prayers, a handful of friends, and all of you.
anvilhead, I am sorry for your loss.
Yes, I am dragging her there in hopes that one day something will sink in. She won't discuss it, but sitting there through the meetings, at least one tiny part of what one person says is more than relatable to her. It's sad the room closes in on her and she probably misses the point.
I've given her the out. When she complains about being there before we get of the car, I offer to take her home and she declines. Her mood is always elevated after a meetings. I think she protests too much! LOL
My father passed away several years ago (divorced when I was young) from the bottle. I know only she can save herself, but ... well there is no butt. Just prayers, a handful of friends, and all of you.
anvilhead, I am sorry for your loss.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
There's a joke about how many alcoholics does it change to change a light bulb. It takes one alcoholic to change a light bulb. The alcoholic holds the bulb and the world revolves around them !!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
I think it may be more comfortable for her in meetings without you there. You are so bitter. I had two alcoholic parents and I get it but this is for her. Alanon is for you. Can you sit in the car and read for an hour? Or another part of the building? She will have a chance to do a fourth step down the road and face her shortcomings with a sponsor. All she hears from you is criticism, which will make her want to drink.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Los Cabos, Mexico
Posts: 34
Carol,
She must pick up on the tension I feel when we are at home.
"Why did I (read: she) get fired? (She blames the boss) Why did I lose my home? (She blames me for not paying her rent...anymore) Why don't I have friends/other family support? Why did I get a DUI? (She blames the person that called the police)."
Yes I am bitter, which I do not share with her. I am nothing but loving and supportive towards her.
MOM, is the critical and angry one.
I have asked her if she preferred I not attend, and she prefers I sit right next to her.
Alanon is not an option for me where I live. I am on here to vent so that I do not take it out on her.
She must pick up on the tension I feel when we are at home.
"Why did I (read: she) get fired? (She blames the boss) Why did I lose my home? (She blames me for not paying her rent...anymore) Why don't I have friends/other family support? Why did I get a DUI? (She blames the person that called the police)."
Yes I am bitter, which I do not share with her. I am nothing but loving and supportive towards her.
MOM, is the critical and angry one.
I have asked her if she preferred I not attend, and she prefers I sit right next to her.
Alanon is not an option for me where I live. I am on here to vent so that I do not take it out on her.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((Cookie)))))
I've read this thread several times, read your responses several times, read your previous posts.
I hope what I am about to say 'comes out the way I want it to' however, you will probably take offense at some of it.
First, as many know I have been in Recovery from Alcoholism for almost 29 years now and been in Recovery from being a Codie for almost 26 years.
I have to be honest, what you are doing is NOT helping your Mom. It is giving her a RESENTMENT that somewhere down the road in all likelihood she will use as an excuse to drink again. I can GUARANTEE you if one of my children had taken me to AA meetings, I would have plotted, schemed and planned and eventually SPLIT.
The meetings will NOT keep your mother sober. Her OWN HARD WORK, with a Sponsor, reading the book, interacting with others in recovery might.
On the other side of the coin, I get it, by taking her to meetings, and staying with her you 'feel' like you are helping. You 'feel' like maybe you are accomplishing something. I get the feeling that taking her to meetings is as much or more so for you than for her.
Please get yourself a copy of Melodie Beattie's "Co Dependent No More" and read it many times, with HIGHLIGHTER in hand. Then start writing about what you 'highlight.'
I am sorry you lost your father to alcoholism and I am sorry your mother is also suffering from the same. I appreciate what you are 'trying to do', however, you are going to have to come to the conclusion for yourself that the 3 C's are true.
You didn't CAUSE this.
You can't CONTROL this.
You can't CURE this.
The longer you persist, the more insane you will drive yourself.
I think it is GREAT that you have taken your Mom in. That you attempt to be loving and kind to her all the time, that you are willing to drive her to meetings (notice not drag, only if she wants to go.) The fact that you say she wants you to stay with her at the meeting is so she then does not have to interact with anyone else there.
I would like to suggest a little deviation in what you are doing. Take her to the meeting, preferably a bit early. Check out who is there, look for some kindly women, walk up to them, introduce yourself and your Mom, explain that she is new, and could they take her under their wing for the meeting and you will be back to pick her up. Then when one or more says yes, say:
"Bye Mom, love you, see you after the meeting."
Even if you go sit in the car and go no where, just don't stay with her. Even that is a lot, but it will give her a chance, to maybe interact just a teeny bit or not.
I understand this disease, affliction, whatever one wants to call it a lot better than most. I have been on both sides of the coin. I had to die, literally to get sober, and I have had to watch loved ones die from it. Your Mom has to do this one for herself. By letting go a bit and giving her the 'freedom' to interact or not with those in recovery would and will be good for both of you.
Its sad, it's making you miserable, it is your mom and you are on the Roller Coaster with her. What are you doing for you? I understand that you are here for you, and that there is no Al-Anon near you. Have you looked for Al-Anon meetings on line? There are some. There is one here tonight, I see by another thread in this forum. Please try and attend, FOR YOU.
I know you are in Mexico, but I don't know if your Mom was in the States or just another town in Mexico when you brought her to live with you. Your mom probably, in all honesty needs Re Hab to get a real handle on this alcoholism of hers, and even that won't work if she does not 'work hard in rehab.' However, there are some excellent FREE rehabs and one of the best is run by the Salvation Army. Now, whether they have any in Mexico or not I don't know, but you might want to check out their site and look into it, not only for where you are, but where your Mom came from as that would go a LONG WAY with the Courts on fulfilling her orders from the Judge for her conviction.
I am not trying to be mean Cookie, I just see you hurting yourself and your mom with your efforts. I hope something I have said will help.
Please, keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much.
Love and hugs,
I've read this thread several times, read your responses several times, read your previous posts.
I hope what I am about to say 'comes out the way I want it to' however, you will probably take offense at some of it.
First, as many know I have been in Recovery from Alcoholism for almost 29 years now and been in Recovery from being a Codie for almost 26 years.
I have to be honest, what you are doing is NOT helping your Mom. It is giving her a RESENTMENT that somewhere down the road in all likelihood she will use as an excuse to drink again. I can GUARANTEE you if one of my children had taken me to AA meetings, I would have plotted, schemed and planned and eventually SPLIT.
The meetings will NOT keep your mother sober. Her OWN HARD WORK, with a Sponsor, reading the book, interacting with others in recovery might.
On the other side of the coin, I get it, by taking her to meetings, and staying with her you 'feel' like you are helping. You 'feel' like maybe you are accomplishing something. I get the feeling that taking her to meetings is as much or more so for you than for her.
Please get yourself a copy of Melodie Beattie's "Co Dependent No More" and read it many times, with HIGHLIGHTER in hand. Then start writing about what you 'highlight.'
I am sorry you lost your father to alcoholism and I am sorry your mother is also suffering from the same. I appreciate what you are 'trying to do', however, you are going to have to come to the conclusion for yourself that the 3 C's are true.
You didn't CAUSE this.
You can't CONTROL this.
You can't CURE this.
The longer you persist, the more insane you will drive yourself.
I think it is GREAT that you have taken your Mom in. That you attempt to be loving and kind to her all the time, that you are willing to drive her to meetings (notice not drag, only if she wants to go.) The fact that you say she wants you to stay with her at the meeting is so she then does not have to interact with anyone else there.
I would like to suggest a little deviation in what you are doing. Take her to the meeting, preferably a bit early. Check out who is there, look for some kindly women, walk up to them, introduce yourself and your Mom, explain that she is new, and could they take her under their wing for the meeting and you will be back to pick her up. Then when one or more says yes, say:
"Bye Mom, love you, see you after the meeting."
Even if you go sit in the car and go no where, just don't stay with her. Even that is a lot, but it will give her a chance, to maybe interact just a teeny bit or not.
I understand this disease, affliction, whatever one wants to call it a lot better than most. I have been on both sides of the coin. I had to die, literally to get sober, and I have had to watch loved ones die from it. Your Mom has to do this one for herself. By letting go a bit and giving her the 'freedom' to interact or not with those in recovery would and will be good for both of you.
Its sad, it's making you miserable, it is your mom and you are on the Roller Coaster with her. What are you doing for you? I understand that you are here for you, and that there is no Al-Anon near you. Have you looked for Al-Anon meetings on line? There are some. There is one here tonight, I see by another thread in this forum. Please try and attend, FOR YOU.
I know you are in Mexico, but I don't know if your Mom was in the States or just another town in Mexico when you brought her to live with you. Your mom probably, in all honesty needs Re Hab to get a real handle on this alcoholism of hers, and even that won't work if she does not 'work hard in rehab.' However, there are some excellent FREE rehabs and one of the best is run by the Salvation Army. Now, whether they have any in Mexico or not I don't know, but you might want to check out their site and look into it, not only for where you are, but where your Mom came from as that would go a LONG WAY with the Courts on fulfilling her orders from the Judge for her conviction.
I am not trying to be mean Cookie, I just see you hurting yourself and your mom with your efforts. I hope something I have said will help.
Please, keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
I wouldn't take anything personally your Mom says. She has to make it all about her. Do ra me me me! The more she goes to AA the more she will identify "in" and not feel so isolated. My XAH blamed his DUI on the trooper, and me since I was not home to drive him, his jailtime on the judge, his love of beer on not liking other beverages, the treatment centers were mental institutions.......bla bla bla.......quack....quack.....quack.....Miracles happen everyday. It is a miracle she is going.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Los Cabos, Mexico
Posts: 34
Laurie, I did not find your tone mean in any way. You are right on many things. Today a "friend" (lose term) called begging for a ride to the urgent care. Off I went to pick up her and her two young kids. We think her liver is failing. I had her sponsor come get her kids (my plate is full). Came home exhausted. Ruined family fun day (promise to mom to get her out of the house and kids are on vacation). Mom asked a lot of questions about this friend she has met at AA. What does she want to do? Get booze! I asked why she needed it. "I want it" she says. I calmly replied regardless of who it hurts. Okay, so THAT may have been the critical talk Carol warned me against! LOL I still think sometimes she gently needs to be told it hurts other people. Now she isn't speaking to me. She'll get over it. I wasn't mean. I spoke in a loving voice while holding up that mirror.
I brought her here so she wouldn't end up like this friend, as she was almost there. Not being mean, but I shouldn't have brought her here because she isn't ready. I never let her hit HER bottom, I let her hit MINE.
I take her because she can't drive to AA. She does talk to people after, but I will start making excuses. I only take her to appease the court while she gets physically healthy again. She really is supposed to go to a state program.
I know I am doing everything wrong. I thank you for your kind reprimand!
Carol, hoping for a miracle is all I have! Thanks to you too.
Okay, beach time never happened, but movie time awaits. All 3 of the Pirate's movies! At least Johnny Depp makes for an interesting pirate.
I brought her here so she wouldn't end up like this friend, as she was almost there. Not being mean, but I shouldn't have brought her here because she isn't ready. I never let her hit HER bottom, I let her hit MINE.
I take her because she can't drive to AA. She does talk to people after, but I will start making excuses. I only take her to appease the court while she gets physically healthy again. She really is supposed to go to a state program.
I know I am doing everything wrong. I thank you for your kind reprimand!
Carol, hoping for a miracle is all I have! Thanks to you too.
Okay, beach time never happened, but movie time awaits. All 3 of the Pirate's movies! At least Johnny Depp makes for an interesting pirate.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Cookie thank you for your kind reply. I know I can be abrupt and short in print and people do take me wrong. I didn't want that to happen here.
I see your care and concern for your Mom and your LOVE for her, but I also see how it is 'taking away from you on the inside.'
I know you are doing the best you can right now in a very bad situation. That is not 'doing everything wrong' far from it. Somewhere in that alcohol soaked brain of your Mom's it is registering that you and your family do care. She just can't go there yet.
I also understand you drive her because she cannot drive. To me that is NOT enabling. That is doing for someone what they cannot do for themselves. Staying ............ well .................... that I M H O is enabling. lol
Did you rescue her or enable her by bringing her to your home. At this point, considering where she was heading, her age, etc again I M H O you gave her a SECOND CHANCE. I understand how hard it can be to 'walk away from the A' boy do I understand, and I do believe that when it is a parent or a child it is harder somehow than when it is a spouse or significant other. Maybe because there is a 'blood connection'? I don't know.
I would again suggest for the sake of you and YOUR FAMILY that you look into some Rehab programs for your Mom starting with The Salvation Army to make the financial strain as easy as possible. Will this be enabling or furthering her SECOND CHANCE? I'm not sure, but I definitely lean toward the latter. Then it will be TOTALLY on her to make it or not. I do know that especially with The Salvation Army, although they say it's basically a 90 day program, if the client is working on recovery and showing progress they can stay as long as needed and then get help in finding living accommodations and job possibilities and a good support system in the community etc
Your mom was as honest as she could be on that one, yes she 'wants it.' She may not yet understand that the 'alcohol' 'takes her away' just like the old Calgon Bath Oil Beads ads used to say. Yes, she wants it to 'numb' herself.
You are doing a great job, and I mean that. You are handling a very rough situation the best you can, but it does have you on the Roller Coaster, you and your family both. Just remember, we may not be physically there in Mexico walking with you, but we are with you in spirit. Just imagine all of us here at SR standing around you and walking with you, because we are.
Prayers and good thoughts heading your way from NM.
Love and hugs,
I see your care and concern for your Mom and your LOVE for her, but I also see how it is 'taking away from you on the inside.'
I know you are doing the best you can right now in a very bad situation. That is not 'doing everything wrong' far from it. Somewhere in that alcohol soaked brain of your Mom's it is registering that you and your family do care. She just can't go there yet.
I also understand you drive her because she cannot drive. To me that is NOT enabling. That is doing for someone what they cannot do for themselves. Staying ............ well .................... that I M H O is enabling. lol
Did you rescue her or enable her by bringing her to your home. At this point, considering where she was heading, her age, etc again I M H O you gave her a SECOND CHANCE. I understand how hard it can be to 'walk away from the A' boy do I understand, and I do believe that when it is a parent or a child it is harder somehow than when it is a spouse or significant other. Maybe because there is a 'blood connection'? I don't know.
I would again suggest for the sake of you and YOUR FAMILY that you look into some Rehab programs for your Mom starting with The Salvation Army to make the financial strain as easy as possible. Will this be enabling or furthering her SECOND CHANCE? I'm not sure, but I definitely lean toward the latter. Then it will be TOTALLY on her to make it or not. I do know that especially with The Salvation Army, although they say it's basically a 90 day program, if the client is working on recovery and showing progress they can stay as long as needed and then get help in finding living accommodations and job possibilities and a good support system in the community etc
Came home exhausted. Ruined family fun day (promise to mom to get her out of the house and kids are on vacation). Mom asked a lot of questions about this friend she has met at AA. What does she want to do? Get booze! I asked why she needed it. "I want it" she says.
You are doing a great job, and I mean that. You are handling a very rough situation the best you can, but it does have you on the Roller Coaster, you and your family both. Just remember, we may not be physically there in Mexico walking with you, but we are with you in spirit. Just imagine all of us here at SR standing around you and walking with you, because we are.
Prayers and good thoughts heading your way from NM.
Love and hugs,
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Third time's the charm:
Laurie is dead on the money on this one, hon.
I think you're trying to do something you're not qualified to do.
It sounds to me as well as if your mom needs a rehab, even a SENIOR rehab is possible.
KPlease print out thei thread.
Take the posts from Laurie
staple them together
and piece by piece in that order follow her advice.
She knows what she'stalking about.
But -
*I* am pretty good but not QUITE "enlightened" yet.
Something got said
that I feel I must bring further out....
and into the light of clarity.
IT was remarked in a way that I found .. well offending
'do alcoholics EVER talk about the harm they do'
or something of that nature.
*pause*
I want to answer that for all the people 'lurking' out there
who may need to know the truth about this matter.
the answer is Oh My God ... yes.
We usae the steps of Alcoholics anonymous
and the guidance of a sponsor
and we peel back the years and days
of pain and anger and terror and shame and horror
that we caused
and that we reigned down on ourselves.
I've sat through meetings and meetings
where a terrified
humiliated, but humbled man woman or teen
confessed their actions or inactions
under the enslavement of alcoholism.
It is a headlong plunge
into the abyss of the truth
armed with nothing but intent.
And I have all the respect in the world
for those who have MUSTERED that courage.
Who have MADE their amends
And for those who try and try and try.
That statement got under my skin
because I'm not 'well' yet
after four long hard dilligent years.
I'm not enlightened.
It reminded me ofthat Seinfeld episode
where George stalks a man in recovery
because he thinks he's owed something.
I hope you'll find your mother a rehab.
I hope she goes.
I hope you find an Alanon group near you.
I would again suggest for the sake of you and YOUR FAMILY that you look into some Rehab programs for your Mom starting with The Salvation Army to make the financial strain as easy as possible. Will this be enabling or furthering her SECOND CHANCE? I'm not sure, but I definitely lean toward the latter. Then it will be TOTALLY on her to make it or not. I do know that especially with The Salvation Army, although they say it's basically a 90 day program, if the client is working on recovery and showing progress they can stay as long as needed and then get help in finding living accommodations and job possibilities and a good support system in the community etc
Laurie is dead on the money on this one, hon.
I think you're trying to do something you're not qualified to do.
It sounds to me as well as if your mom needs a rehab, even a SENIOR rehab is possible.
KPlease print out thei thread.
Take the posts from Laurie
staple them together
and piece by piece in that order follow her advice.
She knows what she'stalking about.
But -
*I* am pretty good but not QUITE "enlightened" yet.
Something got said
that I feel I must bring further out....
and into the light of clarity.
IT was remarked in a way that I found .. well offending
'do alcoholics EVER talk about the harm they do'
or something of that nature.
*pause*
I want to answer that for all the people 'lurking' out there
who may need to know the truth about this matter.
the answer is Oh My God ... yes.
We usae the steps of Alcoholics anonymous
and the guidance of a sponsor
and we peel back the years and days
of pain and anger and terror and shame and horror
that we caused
and that we reigned down on ourselves.
I've sat through meetings and meetings
where a terrified
humiliated, but humbled man woman or teen
confessed their actions or inactions
under the enslavement of alcoholism.
It is a headlong plunge
into the abyss of the truth
armed with nothing but intent.
And I have all the respect in the world
for those who have MUSTERED that courage.
Who have MADE their amends
And for those who try and try and try.
That statement got under my skin
because I'm not 'well' yet
after four long hard dilligent years.
I'm not enlightened.
It reminded me ofthat Seinfeld episode
where George stalks a man in recovery
because he thinks he's owed something.
I hope you'll find your mother a rehab.
I hope she goes.
I hope you find an Alanon group near you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
the answer is Oh My God ... yes.
I've sat through meetings and meetings
where a terrified
humiliated, but humbled man woman or teen
confessed their actions or inactions
under the enslavement of alcoholism.
where a terrified
humiliated, but humbled man woman or teen
confessed their actions or inactions
under the enslavement of alcoholism.
It is a headlong plunge
into the abyss of the truth
armed with nothing but intent.
into the abyss of the truth
armed with nothing but intent.
Beth
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Los Cabos, Mexico
Posts: 34
Tonight will be short and sweet. We tried a different meeting today that had 20 people instead of like, 50. She did not get claustrophobic, was finally able to relate to at least one person, and even shared for the first time.
While it's not what I need to hear (I know its whatever she needs to), I liked how many people today discussed what gets them through the day, is that just for today, they will not drink. They will drink tomorrow. When tomorrow comes, they will tell themselves "not today", tomorrow. It must have touched her in some way, for today, she will not drink. Manana is another day!
P.S. I did look into the Salvation Army.
While it's not what I need to hear (I know its whatever she needs to), I liked how many people today discussed what gets them through the day, is that just for today, they will not drink. They will drink tomorrow. When tomorrow comes, they will tell themselves "not today", tomorrow. It must have touched her in some way, for today, she will not drink. Manana is another day!
P.S. I did look into the Salvation Army.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Los Cabos, Mexico
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by dgillz
I think you are in an unhealthy AA meeting. I hear people confess about how much they hurt their families every day.
The new group is much healthier for her, and she is already looking forward to the next one. Yippie for today!
I heard an analogy that I thought I'd share. A guy I know can't take a certain anti-biotic; he takes it he dies. Someone told him, alcohol for him, was like that anti-biotic, that he's allergic to it just like the medicine. From that moment he stopped drinking when it was explained like that.
Sorry for the grammar today! It's hard to post while making dinner!
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