Emeraldstorm

Yesterday I felt so good about life. I mean I actually felt happy and safe with myself...it was probably just a facade. I had such confidence that everything was going to be ok...

I've been reading about the human mind and how it's conditioned...I've been trying to let go and let god...but I still keep coming back to my codependency problem...

Watching these children (my boyfriends siblings) and my boyfriend go through hell for the benefit of their father kills me inside....I just can't leave him...they are being 100% neglected. My boyfriend got the worst of it, he's the oldest and feels so much guilt. He still wants to "take care" of his family, but he drinks way too much to be able to do that...

....and he wants me to stay...we've been together 5 years now, he hasn't always been like this...i just have too much hope for him to leave....but my entire body feels like it's being pinned down to the bed with depression, anger, guilt...

I had so much hope for me yesterday...i must have given it all to cory...because now i feel hopeless...

how do i pick myself back up?

...dying inside...

NYC_Chick

You pick yourself up by taking care of you and letting him take care of him. Is this the life you really want? This is not living. This is existing. Hugs : )

GiveLove

Have you been to see a counselor yet, emerald?

royaume

I must agree with NYC Chick. Don't stay with him out of pity of his poor conditions. Thats no way to treat him or yourself. You need to live for yourself.

Jadmack25

Honey there are thousands of young adults caring for their siblings as mum and dad don't or can't. Are you going to sacrifice yourself for all of them too?

You say Corey wants to take care of these kids, but he drinks too much himself.
So I guess it is YOU who end up with angry, guilty and drunk Corey plus taking care of kids because no-one else is capable.

If Corey DOES want to care for his family, he needs to get sober to do it, not drink like his parents, or leave it all to you.

Last time you needed to get away as he was spending your college money and had been very nasty to you. I said then, that while you did it all for him, nothing will change and you will end up with no money and no education, and with a drunk BF plus kids to run after.

I stand by those comments, as it seems nothing has changed for you.

God bless

barb dwyer

You find a support group near you
and you go even if you have to drive
through a mudslide
forest fire
earthquake
plague of locusts
to get there.

You make a committment is what you do.
I saw an entire 'food chain' vampiric cycle going on
with you .. the 'fresh meat'.
The dad, the son and now the children
like this big whirlpool
-or grave-
pulling you down.

But you've got to decide
whether you want to do the work
to finally understand that you're worth the effort
to take care of yourself.

I don't sense that you know that.

Please say you'll find an AlAnon group near you.