GiveLove

Progress, not perfection, transform.
This time, you recognized and dealt with your denial a few days after the fact.

Next time, maybe same day. Eventually, maybe an hour. The interval gets shorter as we practice. Sometimes it takes a long time to get wife's rapid-response-time down to realtime (I'm still not there, for all my bravado) It's okay. You see it. You're dealing with it. You're stumbling forward, not backward.

Cutting toxic people out of our lives is serious yeoman's duty......takes a lot of strength and practice. It's hard for almost everyone I've ever known, and especially hard when you've got a ptsd monkey on your back.

You're doing fine. And by the way, some of the best growth opportunities in my life were accompanied by scenes of me dashing to throw up. Sometimes I wish I'd had the presence of mind to throw up ON the person who was triggering me.... That would've certainly taken all the guesswork out of 'does she really mean get out of my life?'

transformyself

I keep coming back and reading this. At first I thought, "boy I've got her fooled," but now I"m clinging to it.

transformyself

GL
Really? You threw up too? WTF is that? Why does that happen to me?

GiveLove

Pre-battle jitters, dunno. Holdover from my childhood, probably from yours. Our kid wiring says, "Don't fight back, just blend in, pretend it isn't happening" When my wiring (right brain) gets overloaded with the effort of intentional right action (left brain) I used to get pretty stressed out!!

I don't hold it against myself any more...don't you either. Just name it ('the stress of going against my programming, manifesting in my stomach acid') and punch through it when you have the strength to do so. Just my two cents....it's damned hard to actually do, but gets easier the more I practice. Nowadays it's down to a very mild nausea!

transformyself

Thanks GL. I've always wondered why I react by barfing. Pretty theatrical, of course. that's me. And you apparently., Thank you for your kind words.

I knew there were more lessons for me to learn, hence this situation, but they're rushing at me like a bad dream.

I"m having a rush of old programming feelings that I keep battling down.
I realize I'm feeling sorry for him. I put the focus back on me.

I wonder if I'm to blame. I keep thinking I just didn't do something right in order to prevent this from happening. When I realized I'm doing that, I become furious. Furious. Anger at my parents, at myself, at my partner. Jesus enough all ready.

But it was realizing that he has been, until recently, someone I considered a friend. Someone I respected in many ways. This is complex, dealing with these guys. They're complex. He's very good at manipulating emotions.

I think a big problem is still having to deal with him. He's so unpredictable. Who knows what he's going to do.

I was thinking, though. I don't want to do business with someone like this, despite his kindness and other good characteristics. I want someone stable.

I feel pretty jaded, like MIss Fixit was talking about a few weeks ago. I know I"m attracting this chaos and instability to myself, what do I have to do to end it? Naive posted about her recovery recently, someone bumped it. I should write down all the things I KNOW I need to do to recover and take the very best care of myself and make them happen. Prioritize them.

I like that idea. Otherwise, it's depression and downward spirialing into self pity.

barb dwyer

okay-

I am not what you'd call a 'de-escalator'.

Step on me and you may well find teeth in your neck.

Thing is -
I think the text you sent (or was it an email?)
was a tad wordy - but it hit the point.

his second text was nothing more than pushing the boundary just set.


MY answer to that would haver been "see text #1. Every question asked in this is answered in previous text."

Let the SOB GO!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS ... might be the lesson, hon.

Just call a meeting
say - you're terribly unhappy here but this is my paper and you're out.
Here's what you wrote - have a nice life.

END OF MEETING.

No arguing no explaining nothing.
Here's your words - don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split...

you get it.

You can be 'nice' and 'soft' but - BUT BUT -

do NOT give in.

I think this is more a LIFE test or check or excersize or whatever.

Change it now -
or live with it being as it's always been.

here's your chance!!!!


I personally think this is great.


Jerkbutt... getting fired by a sweet softspoken POWERHOUSEWOMAN.

FOTFLMAO!!!!

I LOVE IT!

wicked

Hey transform,
to take the bull by the horns analogy a little further. you are in the center of the ring. all dusty from this young calf, screaming and running around. but you are the expert.
you know what to do. stand still and look for the center of the foolishness.
ah, there he is, why, it's just a little king baby. pfffft, nothing.

you gather your rope, and stride over the calf, look him dead in the eye and sling the lasso around his horns. pull him down quick, hogtie him and jump back with both hands in the air! "Done!"

you see and you know he is a weak comparison to the pain you suffered as a child, and now that you are a powerhouse woman, you never have to deal with it again.

jerk a knot in this guys head, then show him the door. he is weakening your mojo.

pretty soon, you will be watching the rodeo from the stands. lol

transformyself

Wow, thanks! I am working on doing all of these things, and getting work done and not wasting time with him.

For the record, this is the only text I sent him.No email, that stuf was all the crap I was thinking of sending.

transformyself

he IS weak! Like a child. Thanks for this perspective.