*Scared Codie Whisper* What happens to them after detachment?
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Thanks Pelican. I agree. And my goal is to protect myself...I'm going out to celebrate me tonight and I'm not going to even GO THERE.
I am really glad he contacted me though and wish he could know that.
And further more, I deserve a whole of a lot more than a typically cryptic "<3" !!!!!
I feel like I'm rejecting him by not responding lol...but I have to be strong.
I am really glad he contacted me though and wish he could know that.
And further more, I deserve a whole of a lot more than a typically cryptic "<3" !!!!!
I feel like I'm rejecting him by not responding lol...but I have to be strong.
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I'm going to post everything in here so I don't respond.
SORRY IF THIS THREAD IS REALLY ANNOYING!
him: "Fine, I was just trying to be nice"
typical. I already felt guilty before he even said that. LOL.
wow, I feel really strong right now. I still hope he knows why I'm not responding.
SORRY IF THIS THREAD IS REALLY ANNOYING!
him: "Fine, I was just trying to be nice"
typical. I already felt guilty before he even said that. LOL.
wow, I feel really strong right now. I still hope he knows why I'm not responding.
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Thank you so much! Arr I want to say so many things back right now...
-"Nice" isn't communicating with someone only when its convenient for you.
-I've been "nice" for 3 years. To no avail.
-You ruined this exact weekend when you mysteriously couldn't make it last minute last year. Not to mention this Halloween, and nearly any other special day I invited you to over the past two years. Now you want to be "nice?"
-No, no, no, no, no! Are you committed to recovery? Doubtful *******!
whew. feels good to say it in here. still wondering if silence isn't hurtful. Cuz I'm not one to play "eye for an eye," but there are SOOOOOO many times where I was left in the dark in the beginning, because he didn't want to let anyone in. Not my problem! Even if I say I care you don't believe me anyway!!!!!
-"Nice" isn't communicating with someone only when its convenient for you.
-I've been "nice" for 3 years. To no avail.
-You ruined this exact weekend when you mysteriously couldn't make it last minute last year. Not to mention this Halloween, and nearly any other special day I invited you to over the past two years. Now you want to be "nice?"
-No, no, no, no, no! Are you committed to recovery? Doubtful *******!
whew. feels good to say it in here. still wondering if silence isn't hurtful. Cuz I'm not one to play "eye for an eye," but there are SOOOOOO many times where I was left in the dark in the beginning, because he didn't want to let anyone in. Not my problem! Even if I say I care you don't believe me anyway!!!!!
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Originally Posted by anvilhead 
but 100% if he were to decide to get help. I'd be there.
challenge question - WHY? is it that you hope HE finds recovery some day, OR more that you want to participate and have some OWNERSHIP over his recovery? is it a mindset of how great it would be if he did choose sobriety, or more of the mindset of how DARE he quit drinking WITHOUT me?
we invested soooo much time into trying to get them sober, and finally got flat wore out with the futility of it all, that even after the fact we can still feel like WE should reap the rewards of their recovery.
yesterday you walked past the man he is as if he did not exist....yet tomorrow you'd willingly embrace who you think he could be. i think you long for something that he is not, but pin your hopes on who you think he could turn into. perhaps that's the message, perhaps that why you continue to encounter him IN REAL LIFE. it is what it is.......
challenge question - WHY? is it that you hope HE finds recovery some day, OR more that you want to participate and have some OWNERSHIP over his recovery? is it a mindset of how great it would be if he did choose sobriety, or more of the mindset of how DARE he quit drinking WITHOUT me?
we invested soooo much time into trying to get them sober, and finally got flat wore out with the futility of it all, that even after the fact we can still feel like WE should reap the rewards of their recovery.
yesterday you walked past the man he is as if he did not exist....yet tomorrow you'd willingly embrace who you think he could be. i think you long for something that he is not, but pin your hopes on who you think he could turn into. perhaps that's the message, perhaps that why you continue to encounter him IN REAL LIFE. it is what it is.......
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Dear Mary You are not playing an eye for an eye. You are learning to detach from his crazy behaviour. It feels strange at the beginning , but you will start noticing that you feel better this way round than to engage in crazy conversation.
Hugs
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WHen you posted that he just texted you -
I think MY suspision (suh-spish-yun)
is what's really going on
and that is
he';s making it LOOK like 'chance' run ins.
Listen, hon.
Nobody is going to cut off their meal ticket.
Think about it.
Number two is - the title is what drew me to this thread - i thought it was cute.
Because -
when you honestly detach -
what's in HIS head - is no longer an issue.
we're finally in our OWN head.
So maybe start asking yourself some things about your deal with this guy?
Is he gorgeous?
Someone you think you'll never be so proud to be seen as having?
Is he rich?
I know a woman who really DOES entrap men
who are better looking that she is
to prove to her friends she can 'get' and 'keep' a man.
This woman -
the man she's with now -
she literally 'signed for him' on a work release program. She literally uses jail
as a dating setup.
I wish I was lying.
A man is a THING to her.
Like the 'fancier' car.
The 'sportier' hairstyle/
The 'blingiest' phone.
A man to her is just another possession.
Someone you think you'll never get the $$$ as high from ?
meaning - tax bracket)
(if so - then ask this)
Is he REALLY giving you any $$$ now?
(Most rich guys - just make it LOOK like they're gifting.
They really DOn't - but a codie can't see that.)
Golddiggers can in a heartbeat though.
And I'm not saying this to hurt your feelings
or to make you defenseive
you don't even have to answer any of them,
here on the forum.
These questions aren't even necessarily for you
buit for those lurking who might be in the same boat as you are.
But I will say that there's a 'flavor' to these posts
and that is - possession.
They are questions we ask OURSELVES
because we really REALLY want this habit
of the wrong man to end.
It's easy to get open and delete a text
without looking at it.
You can be assured you will never receive a text
that says
"It's okay now I'm all fixed and everything is all better it's going to be everything you ever dreamed a relationship to be"
because now you're learning that what you thought
isn't what was.
That alone takes some getting used to.
I think MY suspision (suh-spish-yun)
is what's really going on
and that is
he';s making it LOOK like 'chance' run ins.
Listen, hon.
Nobody is going to cut off their meal ticket.
Think about it.
Number two is - the title is what drew me to this thread - i thought it was cute.
Because -
when you honestly detach -
what's in HIS head - is no longer an issue.
we're finally in our OWN head.
So maybe start asking yourself some things about your deal with this guy?
Is he gorgeous?
Someone you think you'll never be so proud to be seen as having?
Is he rich?
I know a woman who really DOES entrap men
who are better looking that she is
to prove to her friends she can 'get' and 'keep' a man.
This woman -
the man she's with now -
she literally 'signed for him' on a work release program. She literally uses jail
as a dating setup.
I wish I was lying.
A man is a THING to her.
Like the 'fancier' car.
The 'sportier' hairstyle/
The 'blingiest' phone.
A man to her is just another possession.
Someone you think you'll never get the $$$ as high from ?
meaning - tax bracket)
(if so - then ask this)
Is he REALLY giving you any $$$ now?
(Most rich guys - just make it LOOK like they're gifting.
They really DOn't - but a codie can't see that.)
Golddiggers can in a heartbeat though.
And I'm not saying this to hurt your feelings
or to make you defenseive
you don't even have to answer any of them,
here on the forum.
These questions aren't even necessarily for you
buit for those lurking who might be in the same boat as you are.
But I will say that there's a 'flavor' to these posts
and that is - possession.
They are questions we ask OURSELVES
because we really REALLY want this habit
of the wrong man to end.
It's easy to get open and delete a text
without looking at it.
You can be assured you will never receive a text
that says
"It's okay now I'm all fixed and everything is all better it's going to be everything you ever dreamed a relationship to be"
because now you're learning that what you thought
isn't what was.
That alone takes some getting used to.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 394
When mine realised her bs wasn't working to get me back, the grandiose lies began. All so she could save face and deflect any and all responsibility for her part in anything that had gone bad in the relationship. I became public enemy no 1 for a very long time.
What she failed to ever understand was that her continuing manipulative and abusive behavior only served to strengthen my resolve and ultimately push me further away to the point that it was the end of any chance, however minute, of reconciliation.
Now I just laugh at her when she gets strange. The other week she tried to have a go at me, saying that I thought I was better than her and I think I'm such a 'big man' with my job and my career. Apparently that was supposed to insult me, although I'm not sure how. That's the first time anyone has ever faulted me for working hard and taking pride in my career.
What she failed to ever understand was that her continuing manipulative and abusive behavior only served to strengthen my resolve and ultimately push me further away to the point that it was the end of any chance, however minute, of reconciliation.
Now I just laugh at her when she gets strange. The other week she tried to have a go at me, saying that I thought I was better than her and I think I'm such a 'big man' with my job and my career. Apparently that was supposed to insult me, although I'm not sure how. That's the first time anyone has ever faulted me for working hard and taking pride in my career.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: PM me
Posts: 324
Thanks guys
Barb- you have very valid points. I think about what that would be like to receive a text that says that an then I realize - that's the most unrealistic thought ever. I have told him that when he gets help, we can talk. So that's where the wondering came from..I was just curious to know if A's have ever committed to recovery and contacted people when they were ready.
Yes, I realize this is a desperate attempt at hope.
I'm not sure I understand your money thing...cuz this guy is poor as dirt lol. We're seniors in college. But you are spot on with everything else...he mysteriously appears places, yeah. DUH!
And thankyou, freefalling, I needed that validation.
It feels so good to break from this cycle.
However, I still believe he has a choice here. That might seem codependent. But I have a deep belief he will choose, eventually.
Am I going to do everything in my power to take it day by day and live as if he's never going to get better? You bet your a$$. Hard as hell, though.
And I recognize that abstinence is only one facet. It's the same for me, I am exploring the many aspects of MY recovery right now.
There are changes ahead and things can only get better.
Barb- you have very valid points. I think about what that would be like to receive a text that says that an then I realize - that's the most unrealistic thought ever. I have told him that when he gets help, we can talk. So that's where the wondering came from..I was just curious to know if A's have ever committed to recovery and contacted people when they were ready.
Yes, I realize this is a desperate attempt at hope.
I'm not sure I understand your money thing...cuz this guy is poor as dirt lol. We're seniors in college. But you are spot on with everything else...he mysteriously appears places, yeah. DUH!
And thankyou, freefalling, I needed that validation.
It feels so good to break from this cycle.
However, I still believe he has a choice here. That might seem codependent. But I have a deep belief he will choose, eventually.
Am I going to do everything in my power to take it day by day and live as if he's never going to get better? You bet your a$$. Hard as hell, though.
And I recognize that abstinence is only one facet. It's the same for me, I am exploring the many aspects of MY recovery right now.
There are changes ahead and things can only get better.
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