Sick and Cynical
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 63
Sick and Cynical
Day 3 of a virus, worst day so far. Too sick to give a ____ about AH. Last fight wan't one of our biggest ones but it seems to be one of the most significant anyway. A week and a half ago, AH decided to watch his boys race instead of watching the super bowl. Still blames it on me he missed the super bowl. We only spend weekends together when he comes to vistit because the boys and I get to live in the mountains during ski season. Last weekend, one fight over how little I care about him if I'd make him miss the super bowl vs. how stupid he was to blame me for his missing super bowl. Our only conversation in a week and a half. Not talking to each other is a good thing. Think I might never talk to him again. Too much effort for too little reward. Only taking care of business matters via e-mail. Very brief and to the point.
Was already sick of whole situation before getting sick. Now... just don't care much about what happens next. Haven't bothered reminding him he said he'd go back on meds and get sober again. Haven't asked him what his plans are. Dreamed I talked to him last night and that his plann was to keep drinking. In the dream, I didn't care. Wonder if that's how I really feel right now or if I'm just too sick to care right now. I'm tired of everything. I'm taking Dayquill for the virus but I might as well be taking Nyquill for all the energy I have.
Maybe being too sick to deal with AH is a good thing. A reminder that there's no point in trying to do anything to make things better anymore. There's nothing left to say. He knows what he needs to do. He either will or won't. I will do what I need to do for my boys and myself, regardless.
Funny, he decided I don't care enough about him... and now maybe I don't. I'm sure I'm just reacting to his behavior as usual. But, as sick and miserable as I feel... it feels good to feel this detached. Where's my investment in the outcome? Where's my fear of what will happen next. Those parts of my brain must be too clogged with mucus to work right now.
Was already sick of whole situation before getting sick. Now... just don't care much about what happens next. Haven't bothered reminding him he said he'd go back on meds and get sober again. Haven't asked him what his plans are. Dreamed I talked to him last night and that his plann was to keep drinking. In the dream, I didn't care. Wonder if that's how I really feel right now or if I'm just too sick to care right now. I'm tired of everything. I'm taking Dayquill for the virus but I might as well be taking Nyquill for all the energy I have.
Maybe being too sick to deal with AH is a good thing. A reminder that there's no point in trying to do anything to make things better anymore. There's nothing left to say. He knows what he needs to do. He either will or won't. I will do what I need to do for my boys and myself, regardless.
Funny, he decided I don't care enough about him... and now maybe I don't. I'm sure I'm just reacting to his behavior as usual. But, as sick and miserable as I feel... it feels good to feel this detached. Where's my investment in the outcome? Where's my fear of what will happen next. Those parts of my brain must be too clogged with mucus to work right now.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Maybe you needed this time and the "distance" you feel, to give you a chance to catch up with yourself.
Rest, pamper yourself and don't give a hoot about anything, or anyone but you and your needs for now.
God bless
Rest, pamper yourself and don't give a hoot about anything, or anyone but you and your needs for now.
God bless
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