Advise if possible please?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 3
Advise if possible please?
I dont know if im in the right place for this tbh, but im driving myself mad googling things and looking for ways i can help/things i can do.
My mum is an alcoholic, she has been for about 10 years, the last 5 she's gone further and further down hill. in the last month, shes rang me saying she thinks shes dying, i rang her dr and he got my mum down the surgery, he was pretty harsh 2 her and said that she might not even make the end of the year and if she carries on she defo wont be here in 2-3 years time, this seemed to scare my mum, she came and lived with me and my daughter for a few weeks while she got dry, she did so well, we had tablets from the dr and i made sure she ate well and was looked after. she was very very shakey tho, even when she left, she'd been hallucinating aswell, and very sick, also terrile terrible back pains.
she went home then a week later she went missing for a week, and she'd been binging, i rang her everyday trying to find out where she was and if she was ok but she wouldnt answer, i finally got her to come back to mine yesterday, but shes even worse then what she was last time, cant walk, shaking so bad she cant hold a glass of water, and its not just her hands shaking, its her whole body and head! her face is SO swollen and puffy her eyes are barely open and her nose is bright purple.
we're going through the same again, im looking after her, everyone else, my family and her friends, they dont want to know her, im the last one that will help her. i cant just give up on her, but i dont know how to help her anymore. she refuses to go into hospital for detox, and the dr wouldnt even admit her for it when he saw her cause he said its a waste of her time and a waste of the hospitals time cause she'll just come out and drink again.
she drinks bottles of spirits at a time.
id really like advice on a few things.
1)how i can help her and care for her safely
2)is she in the last stage of alcoholism?
3)at what point do u think its dangerous to have her here, and when she needs full medical attention?
thank u so much in advance for any replys. im so lost :/
My mum is an alcoholic, she has been for about 10 years, the last 5 she's gone further and further down hill. in the last month, shes rang me saying she thinks shes dying, i rang her dr and he got my mum down the surgery, he was pretty harsh 2 her and said that she might not even make the end of the year and if she carries on she defo wont be here in 2-3 years time, this seemed to scare my mum, she came and lived with me and my daughter for a few weeks while she got dry, she did so well, we had tablets from the dr and i made sure she ate well and was looked after. she was very very shakey tho, even when she left, she'd been hallucinating aswell, and very sick, also terrile terrible back pains.
she went home then a week later she went missing for a week, and she'd been binging, i rang her everyday trying to find out where she was and if she was ok but she wouldnt answer, i finally got her to come back to mine yesterday, but shes even worse then what she was last time, cant walk, shaking so bad she cant hold a glass of water, and its not just her hands shaking, its her whole body and head! her face is SO swollen and puffy her eyes are barely open and her nose is bright purple.
we're going through the same again, im looking after her, everyone else, my family and her friends, they dont want to know her, im the last one that will help her. i cant just give up on her, but i dont know how to help her anymore. she refuses to go into hospital for detox, and the dr wouldnt even admit her for it when he saw her cause he said its a waste of her time and a waste of the hospitals time cause she'll just come out and drink again.
she drinks bottles of spirits at a time.
id really like advice on a few things.
1)how i can help her and care for her safely
2)is she in the last stage of alcoholism?
3)at what point do u think its dangerous to have her here, and when she needs full medical attention?
thank u so much in advance for any replys. im so lost :/
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Sounds like she needs medical attention ASAP! Alcohol withdrawal can be deadly--it can kill people! At least a medical professional will be able to better determine how to treat after a full thorough exam. And yes--as an alcoholic myself---that is in recovery now...I can relate. Last time I was like what you describe--I was told by the people at the ER that I was lucky I made it there--it was a medical emergency.
**Also wanted to add that in her current state--she is still at risk of having a potential seizure. I don't think a hospital can turn her away in a situation like that. At least not here where I am --they can't refuse treatment in an emergency situation or they could be held liable if something should happen.
**Also wanted to add that in her current state--she is still at risk of having a potential seizure. I don't think a hospital can turn her away in a situation like that. At least not here where I am --they can't refuse treatment in an emergency situation or they could be held liable if something should happen.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
i would also continue to check with hospital and rehab facilities. if she's also popping pills, you may be able to call for an ambulance, they will take her away to a detox facility. when she has safely detoxed, you may then have a conversation with her about staying off the sauce. unfortunately, she gets to choose how to live out the rest of her life. you can continue to take a front row seat, being truly powerless to stop her destruction, or you can decide that you don't want to watch it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 3
hey thanks for the replies, ANGELINA243 i took ur advice and
i managed to get mum down to the A&E last night, they put her on a drip and gave her vitamins through it and fluids, and gave her about 8 tablets, which stopped her tremmor. the dr came to see her and she said because her hallucinations stopped the previous day that they wouldnt need to keep her in for the night, mum got a bit anxious and asked if they would send her out with some meds, dr said no, she said that she'd have to go to her gp on monday to start a detox program, then she pulled me aside and told me to let mum drink a small ammount of alcohol daily.
tbh i was a bit disapointed that they didnt keep her in, because as u all prob know, it takes a fair bit to get an alcoholic to willingly go into hospital and admit defeat.
does seem a little better today tho, but im also taking coffeedrinkers advice, cause "you can continue to take a front row seat, being truly powerless to stop her destruction, or you can decide that you don't want to watch it." is what its been boiling down to for a long time, and sat in the hospital last night, holding my daughters face against me and putting my hands over her ears so she couldnt see or hear the other alcoholics throwing up and screaming, whilst trying to hold my mums arm down to stop her tremmer while the nurse was putting her drip in, wasnt sumin i want to repeat. i have to look out for my daughter, she comes b4 my mum unfortunatly for her =/ iv warned mum that next time i wont be helping, so its down to her now.
god it feels good to get all this out lol
i managed to get mum down to the A&E last night, they put her on a drip and gave her vitamins through it and fluids, and gave her about 8 tablets, which stopped her tremmor. the dr came to see her and she said because her hallucinations stopped the previous day that they wouldnt need to keep her in for the night, mum got a bit anxious and asked if they would send her out with some meds, dr said no, she said that she'd have to go to her gp on monday to start a detox program, then she pulled me aside and told me to let mum drink a small ammount of alcohol daily.
tbh i was a bit disapointed that they didnt keep her in, because as u all prob know, it takes a fair bit to get an alcoholic to willingly go into hospital and admit defeat.
does seem a little better today tho, but im also taking coffeedrinkers advice, cause "you can continue to take a front row seat, being truly powerless to stop her destruction, or you can decide that you don't want to watch it." is what its been boiling down to for a long time, and sat in the hospital last night, holding my daughters face against me and putting my hands over her ears so she couldnt see or hear the other alcoholics throwing up and screaming, whilst trying to hold my mums arm down to stop her tremmer while the nurse was putting her drip in, wasnt sumin i want to repeat. i have to look out for my daughter, she comes b4 my mum unfortunatly for her =/ iv warned mum that next time i wont be helping, so its down to her now.
god it feels good to get all this out lol
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
As the mother of a small child, I would ask you if you feel it is appropriate to expose your daughter to your mother's addiction. I don't know what the situation is but if I were you, I'd think twice about letting your mom stay with you again.
In case you don't know these, let me post the 3 C's of addiction:
You didn't cause it.
You can't cure it.
You can't control it.
The last two are particularly relevant considering your situation. Your mother chose to come to this point by drinking; it is not within your power to change her or control the situation.
The best thing you can do for her is point her towards detox/rehab, step back and focus on yourself/your daughter.
Welcome to SR! I do hope you keep posting here.
In case you don't know these, let me post the 3 C's of addiction:
You didn't cause it.
You can't cure it.
You can't control it.
The last two are particularly relevant considering your situation. Your mother chose to come to this point by drinking; it is not within your power to change her or control the situation.
The best thing you can do for her is point her towards detox/rehab, step back and focus on yourself/your daughter.
Welcome to SR! I do hope you keep posting here.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the Sober Recover family tiana!
I'm sorry that your mother's advanced alcoholism is what brings you here.
However, I am glad you found us! You will find lots of information and support for yourself here at SR. We even have a section for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
I can always find helpful information by reading the permanent posts (stickies) at the top of this forum.
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as needed.
I'm sorry that your mother's advanced alcoholism is what brings you here.
However, I am glad you found us! You will find lots of information and support for yourself here at SR. We even have a section for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
I can always find helpful information by reading the permanent posts (stickies) at the top of this forum.
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as needed.
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