gracie

Well, I can't speak for my husband but I feel that I am on the road to recovery. I posted the other day about 'outing' my husband who had graduated from intermittent beer drinking to a 3 week cocaine binge. I did not realize how depressed I truly was until having the nicest suicide fantasy which frightened me into reality and action. I have lived a lie for so long but I decided to reach out for tangible support, people who know me and will hold me accountable. I told his mom, my mom, my father, our close friends, most of whom are my close friends since he won't form real bonds or get close to anyone. I went to a therapist yesterday who won't agree to see us both if he doesn't stop drinking/using. He has not since Sunday night though I don't know this for certain as I stayed with a friend for a few days. I went home last night. He is looking better, he is eating again and he went to sleep at 8 p.m. He made me a promise, that he won't touch any alcohol for 30 days and he swears the coke has made him sick and he never wants to see the stuff again , he will give therapy a chance to work, he promised to do anything to save our marriage but still he WILL NOT admit he is an A...in fact, when we had our last angry interaction, he raged on me like he never had before, blaming me, telling me he would tell our families how I really am and how would I like it, having my perfect little image ruined..he went on and on and he didn't sound like himself. He sounded like an addict. I let him rant and rave and you could hear himself realizing maybe this time he went too far, back tracking, apologizing. I told him I know he's sick and he needs help and I can't force him to accept it but I am going to get myself better. Today I feel much better, he seems to be committed to getting the help but I'm not optimistic that he will stick with it. I have made excuses for him,thinking that he's not a real drunk, or maybe he's drinking because of XYZ - well, there is always a reason to drink and numb yourself and I suspect if his life was GRAND, he'd want to drink. No, the drinking is the problem. He already asked me, with slight panic in his eyes, if after we 'have worked through everything, I do still want to have a few beers while I watch the game or if we go out for dinner, I don't want to say I won't ever drink again'.. I am hoping therapy points out the obvious to him and he will make efforts to NOT drink - not likely. He's been drinking since he was 15, he is now 38 years old....his mom feels that he needs to go for inpatient tx. I wonder if he doesn't drink for 30 days if he will have withdrawals. Who out there knows about this?

Ann

Gracie

Some have withdrawls serious enough to need medical supervision, but if he can go days without drinking that is probably not the case....keep in mind I am not a doctor here.

The thing is, regardless of what you think is best, what his mother thinks is best or what we think is best, nothing will work for him unless HE is ready and willing to do the work, and planning to have a few beers doesn't sound ready.

My suggestion is to keep working on your recover and learn to keep yourself healthy, regardless of how he is doing. Take your time, watch his actions not his promises and then decide if you want to continue living like this. The important person here is YOU and whatever works for you is what matters.

Hugs
Ann

jojo

Gracie -

To answer your questions about detox - if they are going to go through withdrawal or dt's it is usually in the first 72 hours. My AH is a binge drinker and needs detox to stop. They do medicate them to help them through the first few days so the withdrawal is easier. I don't know how much your H drinks on a daily basis but alot of people are able to stop without detoxing. Hope this helps you somewhat. Take care of yourself and even if your H doesn't go for counselling, it sure can't hurt for you to continue on your own.

Hugs, Jo

gracie

He actually drinks most on Sundays watching football. He rarely drinks during the week but if he does, it's normally one beer..I don't know if he needs detox. I do know that he still has not even owned up having a real problem so I am not real confident in his recovery. I am hoping the therapist is able to point it out and perhaps coming from an objective 3rd party, he might wise up. I read some of the posts on the other side and the A's are AFRAID to stop, they don't know how to live without their alcohol.. I cannot conceive of what this feels like but I want to know. I wish I could get in his head and understand what his fears are. I already know that I don't have a lifetime to devote to him, my life matters too. I suppose with each broken promise, I am a little more broken down and my belly is that much more full. Once all the way full, I am done. I know how I am, and the leaving will hurt the most because I suspect his life will not change one bit. He will flit around, stay drunk until another woman comes into his life to fix him. Psycho as his first wife is, she did try to get him help and his refusal was another contributor to that marriage's demise, also because there are kids involved who's needs were NEVER put first, he has guilt and shame for things they saw. He does not even see them anymore. That is what's eating him up inside..but alas, all HIS baggage, I married into it but I don't have to keep being hurt by it. I pray he gets himself squared away..

veggiemom

[QUOTE]Originally posted by gracie
[B] I have made excuses for him,thinking that he's not a real drunk, or maybe he's drinking because of XYZ - well, there is always a reason to drink and numb yourself and I suspect if his life was GRAND, he'd want to drink.

This is so true. I have to keep reminding myself this about my husband:

He doesn't drink because his life is a mess, his life is a mess BECAUSE he drinks.

My H went into a 28 day inpatient program last year and I don't know about other places, but at this particular treatment center, he wasn't allowed any contact with the "outside world" for the first 72 hours...the time it takes for most to get thorugh the detox, I guess. After this, he didn't have any further physical withrawal symptoms.

Hang in there!