notthistime

After feeling so good about myself yesterday, Things are hard today.
Last night my AH decided to discuss his problems with me. He admitted to his addiction to codeine (there's a surprise), but in his opinion he drinks just like everyone else, and it's not a problem.
I listened to his arguments...then pointed out what I saw clearly.... Why do you hide your alcohol if it's not a problem? Why do you drink in the car while driving home? He could not come up with a good answer. So I told him to think about it. Not for me, but for himself.
He told me he had gone out for a drink with a friend after work. I did not get mad. It hurt a bit, but I refuse to let it. Even though my car broke down on my way back from my sons riding lesson, and he was nowhere to be found. I called home 10 times trying to get him to come and pick us up. Finally ended up taking a taxi home with the kids....but I did not get mad.
He made a great speech about how he was not an alcoholic,...very convincing. I think he should be in sales. Part of me did believe him, that's how convincing he was.
Then at 11:30, after we had gone to bed, there was a demanding banging on our front door. I went down, and found the police on my front steps, looking for the previous owners of our house. I remembered that I had their new address on the realestate papers we signed, and asked the officers to wait, while I went to get it for them. As I opened the drawer where I store these papers (I hardly ever go into this drawer for any reason), there right on top of our purchase agreement, was a small bottle of rye. It was a slap in the face. My first reaction was to take it, to pour it down the drain. I could feel myself starting to shake. Luckily the police were waiting for their address, and I forced myself to close the drawer and go give the officers the address.
I went back upstairs, and said to my AH...I was not snooping. I was looking for the previous owners address and found your bottle. It is still in the drawer. He tried to look confused, as if he did not know what I was talking about, and although it is possible that it's been there for awhile...I dont believe it has.
I just looked at him and said...."don't bother to lie about it" I dont want to know.
Today, I'm having difficulty with it. I stare at the drawer, but so far have been able to keep from opening it again. I do not want to know if the bottle is still there or not. I'm trying to busy myself with other things, but find that it keeps coming back to my mind.
I think I will clean the house, and go for a walk after. I WILL get past this. Just a minor set-back.... That's what I keep telling myself.

jessieandme2003

but it seems to me you are doing really well. You know it is not your issue, and you don't seem to be taking it as something you are supposed to do anything about. That is great. You don't seem to be taking it as a failure on your part. That is great too. You've told him how you feel, and given it to him (as they say) to take responsibility for. Many of us know our 'sicker' selves would have went up to him ranting and screaming and throwing that bottle at him with a secret hope of at least inflicting a concussion. :-)

I am thinking it is ok to feel lousy about the specific incident happening. After all, he's your partner and you feel he has been less than completely honest. That would feel yucky, addiction or not. If it was the same scene minus the addicition and you found he was not being honest about how often he played golf, and you found a fancy new driver he bought himself in a closet, you'd feel yucky.

Just trying to help you see some good stuff in your post. Sometimes if I find I keep thinking about it, I ask myself if there is a boundary I need to set to help me feel more protected from this bad feeling? I don't know, maybe no bottles in the house? So you won't walk around afraid of rarely-used drawers from now on?

Rose56

Good Morning Notthistime,
I am sorry to hear you are struggling this morning. I have those roller coaster emotions too. One day feeling positive like I can manage this and the next feeling like the sky is falling. I wish I had wise words that could help ease your burden. I too sometimes look at the beer in the refrigerator and fight the urge to pour it out. But I have to accept that the problem exists and that I cannot control it or him. So I try to walk away and focus on something else. Lately I try to focus on some big project for myself so that I don't have as much time to think about him and all the problems. I think my next project will be getting new blinds and window treatments for the house.

I don't know if you have been attending face to face Alanon meetings, but now would be a good time to attend a few extra. take good care, you are in my prayers today.

spedteach

Notthistime,
I think that you need to recognize that you might be bothered by it, but you did NOT empty it out or over react...isn't that a step in the right direction?? I think so! Be proud of yourself for that! My ah doesn't hide his, he does it right out in the open and I've been known in the past, to pour it out also, now I just don't...why? He'll only go buy more and it hurts no one but me! Go take that walk for you..you deserve it!!

Remember, change is good, but it's also hard, so take it one step at a time! I am trying hard to change how I react, what I say and what I do, but man, sometimes, I want to scream at him!!! Mine has only drank a 6 pack in over 3 1/2 months and I am already feeling that old sick in the stomach feeling, but you know what? I am working at not worrying about it....this weekend I mean...I feel like I know what will happen..but I will accept his choices as his choices and let him do what he wants to do and I'll worry about me and maybe even go shopping this weekend! I need to live in today and for today! You are doing wonderful

notthistime

You are all absolutely right. I am being too hard on myself about this. I did not over react, although I so wanted to.
I went for a long walk with my dog, and feel so much better now. With all the fresh air, I think my head got clearer again.
I am on track, and I will continue to work on my steps.
I'm taking some time for myself, although I really should be cleaning the house. But, no...I'm not going to feel quilty about that. I will clean it later.
I can get through today...just like I got through yesterday, for which I no longer have to worry about. I am one baby step closer to recovery.
I am so glad I found this board.