I thought it was going so well please help
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Originally Posted by iwantcontrol 
He sometimes manages to convince me that a job will solve everything I just need a reality check it wont solve his alcohol-dependency will it? Even if he is only drinking through boredom and depression?
When I am not working, or to make it more gender-neutral, when my husband isn't working, he tends to
take a class
play a sport
talk to healthy people
find a meeting
plan a trip
take a drive somewhere pretty
read books that help him see
go for a long walk
find a gym and exercise
write a letter to his family
cook himself something healthy
learn a new skill
practice an old skill
look for more fulfilling work
draw or paint
take photos
go to the library
play soccer
shoot the basketball
work on a project
search for a new hobby
work on the house
stretch
play with the dogs
help someone with something
write in a journal
go to a museum
trim the trees
shine his shoes
any one of a thousand other things
Unless one is in solitary confinement in prison, boredom is self-inflicted. He chooses who he spends time with and what he does with the minutes in his day. And he is making excuses, and I think you know this.
Again, iwc, you need to try to keep in mind at all times whether this is the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Love is not a hole you fall into and can't get out. Love is an action you take, and you're choosing to take.
Your life goes on, no matter what he decides for HIS life. And most of all here, we want people to have good lives, free from the chains of addiction (to people or to chemicals)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 357
Hi all, i'm doing ok today thanks. I had a counselling session today and that helped a bit - was told what i already knew really - that i am being lost in all of this. I need to do more things for me etc.
I guess it is true that you choose who you love, but sometimes it doesn't feel that way. Today I feel quite optimistic about things - I guess I know I'll be OK eventually if we haev to split up, but that doesn't mean I want it to happen. I'm trying to give him some benefit of the doubt that he is really doing something about it this time - and if he fails then I know that some time apart will be needed. And I think i'm finally starting to think I can do that. I'm sure I'll falter again but I know I need to take more care of me in all this. I am really fed up of being so drained worrying about him all the time.
And I know what you mean about the boredom thing - there are lots of things he could be doing to fill his time constructively and he isn't. I have been similarly lazy before when I wasn't working for a few months and I understnad that the more time I had (i.e. all day, every day), the less I actually got done. If he is truly fed up living that way he has enough to occupt him - especially looking for the job that he thinks will solve everything. He does appear to be making slightly more of an effort this time. And I am going to make more of an effort to look after me too. That's the least I can do if I'm expecting him to change - I have to face my addiction to him as well. Thanks for helping me realise things - it takes a while but i think things are slowly sinking in.
I guess it is true that you choose who you love, but sometimes it doesn't feel that way. Today I feel quite optimistic about things - I guess I know I'll be OK eventually if we haev to split up, but that doesn't mean I want it to happen. I'm trying to give him some benefit of the doubt that he is really doing something about it this time - and if he fails then I know that some time apart will be needed. And I think i'm finally starting to think I can do that. I'm sure I'll falter again but I know I need to take more care of me in all this. I am really fed up of being so drained worrying about him all the time.
And I know what you mean about the boredom thing - there are lots of things he could be doing to fill his time constructively and he isn't. I have been similarly lazy before when I wasn't working for a few months and I understnad that the more time I had (i.e. all day, every day), the less I actually got done. If he is truly fed up living that way he has enough to occupt him - especially looking for the job that he thinks will solve everything. He does appear to be making slightly more of an effort this time. And I am going to make more of an effort to look after me too. That's the least I can do if I'm expecting him to change - I have to face my addiction to him as well. Thanks for helping me realise things - it takes a while but i think things are slowly sinking in.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
