I found a glimmer of hope...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 11
I found a glimmer of hope...
in the first Al-Anon meeting I attended monday night. I was not expecting to get anything out of the first meeting, other than being able to get out of the house. What a nice feeling.
My slogan for this week is ONE DAY AT A TIME. It seems alot easier than it actually is, but I am trying.
Since the meeting, I have not searched for the bottle. I have not gotten angry about his drinking. I have not begged for him to stop. (Although I have not seen him have a drink since Monday) I understand that his addiction is not mine to fix...that part is easy. What's hard, is stopping the feelings I have about it. I am working at it though...ONE DAY AT A TIME.
It is incredible how much better I feel, when I know I dont have to worry about getting through tomorrow...getting through today is my goal. Anything beyond that is too early to worry about.
We are having a get-together at his parents house in two weeks. They are aware of his problem, and suggested that they hide all the alcohol, dont offer it etc. At first I was all for this, thinking if it's not there for him to be tempted with, then we're one step closer to his recovery. Now I have realized that hiding it would only be taking the decision away from him. Wrapping him in "cotton" to protect him is not the answer. This is his problem, and he has to make the choice for himself. So, alcohol will be served, and we will do our best to ignore it if he chooses to drink.
I am so glad I joined the meeting. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do, partly because of the embarrassment of the situation. But I am so glad I did.
I know it's not much in the scheme of things, but it's a start.
My slogan for this week is ONE DAY AT A TIME. It seems alot easier than it actually is, but I am trying.
Since the meeting, I have not searched for the bottle. I have not gotten angry about his drinking. I have not begged for him to stop. (Although I have not seen him have a drink since Monday) I understand that his addiction is not mine to fix...that part is easy. What's hard, is stopping the feelings I have about it. I am working at it though...ONE DAY AT A TIME.
It is incredible how much better I feel, when I know I dont have to worry about getting through tomorrow...getting through today is my goal. Anything beyond that is too early to worry about.
We are having a get-together at his parents house in two weeks. They are aware of his problem, and suggested that they hide all the alcohol, dont offer it etc. At first I was all for this, thinking if it's not there for him to be tempted with, then we're one step closer to his recovery. Now I have realized that hiding it would only be taking the decision away from him. Wrapping him in "cotton" to protect him is not the answer. This is his problem, and he has to make the choice for himself. So, alcohol will be served, and we will do our best to ignore it if he chooses to drink.
I am so glad I joined the meeting. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do, partly because of the embarrassment of the situation. But I am so glad I did.
I know it's not much in the scheme of things, but it's a start.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Notthistime
Good for you, and I promise that it just keeps getting better and better. Just making the commitment to yourself to work a program is a huge step in the right direction.
And, believe me, you're WORTH IT!!!
Hugs
Ann
Good for you, and I promise that it just keeps getting better and better. Just making the commitment to yourself to work a program is a huge step in the right direction.
And, believe me, you're WORTH IT!!!
Hugs
Ann
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Notthistime,
Yup, I say it's HUGE too!
The fact that you recognized that you were "tiptoeing" around him by HIDING the booze. It is so true... you have to give HIM back the responsibility and the choices. That is awesome.
Although sometimes OUR recovery is slow going, and we don't see the improvements... All these little things add up. One day you'll wake up and say "Man, I can't believe I used to do say that / do that... I LIKE my life now, and I ain't going back"
And all of a sudden you look back to see how far you've come.
Take care
Meg
Now I have realized that hiding it would only be taking the decision away from him. Wrapping him in "cotton" to protect him is not the answer. This is his problem, and he has to make the choice for himself.
The fact that you recognized that you were "tiptoeing" around him by HIDING the booze. It is so true... you have to give HIM back the responsibility and the choices. That is awesome.
Although sometimes OUR recovery is slow going, and we don't see the improvements... All these little things add up. One day you'll wake up and say "Man, I can't believe I used to do say that / do that... I LIKE my life now, and I ain't going back"
And all of a sudden you look back to see how far you've come.Take care
Meg
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
Please consider yourself HUGGED.
Every journey is started with a the first step and you not only took it but you jumped right in using the tools of the program...
Have a healthy, happy rest of your day.
God bless.
Every journey is started with a the first step and you not only took it but you jumped right in using the tools of the program...
Have a healthy, happy rest of your day.
God bless.
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 1
Ok, I have a question:
quote:
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Now I have realized that hiding it would only be taking the decision away from him. Wrapping him in "cotton" to protect him is not the answer. This is his problem, and he has to make the choice for himself.
I agree with having to learn to make good choices, but for all of you who know your bible out there: What about being a stumbling block? (I guess I'm going to have go back and look this up!!)
quote:
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Now I have realized that hiding it would only be taking the decision away from him. Wrapping him in "cotton" to protect him is not the answer. This is his problem, and he has to make the choice for himself.
I agree with having to learn to make good choices, but for all of you who know your bible out there: What about being a stumbling block? (I guess I'm going to have go back and look this up!!)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 11
I must say the bible is not one of my strong suits, so I'm not sure what you are referring to here.
If you mean that by us serving alcohol at the party, knowing his problem, is placing him in a difficult situation, I have to say I do agree to some extent, however, in the real world, he will come across many situations where there will be alcohol, and we cannot shield him from life. That would be the same as living it for him. He must learn to make his own decisions. Even if it means, he will have that drink. Not to mention, that these family get togethers have always served alcohol, and to suddenly stop because of his "illness", would that not make him feel that we are protecting him, thus if he slips, while we are not there to protect him, then will his slip be our fault?
I am not a drinker, and although they serve alcohol at these get together's, I never drink. It is there to be had, but it is my responsibility to choose for myself. I would not let someone tell me I must drink, just because everyone else does....so how can we say that everyone must not drink because he has a problem?
I hope that makes some sense
If you mean that by us serving alcohol at the party, knowing his problem, is placing him in a difficult situation, I have to say I do agree to some extent, however, in the real world, he will come across many situations where there will be alcohol, and we cannot shield him from life. That would be the same as living it for him. He must learn to make his own decisions. Even if it means, he will have that drink. Not to mention, that these family get togethers have always served alcohol, and to suddenly stop because of his "illness", would that not make him feel that we are protecting him, thus if he slips, while we are not there to protect him, then will his slip be our fault?
I am not a drinker, and although they serve alcohol at these get together's, I never drink. It is there to be had, but it is my responsibility to choose for myself. I would not let someone tell me I must drink, just because everyone else does....so how can we say that everyone must not drink because he has a problem?
I hope that makes some sense
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