Ives

Hi all,

Just an update. Looks like my call to our obstetrician worked - he phoned her GP and discovered her history of drug and alcohol abuse - that she had been in rehab etc. They have referred her to a social worker who now has her case history, and she has been forced to submit to blood/urine tests.

Of course, she has 'nothing to hide' and is now demanding an apology........from me.....unreal. I'm stubborn in her mind because I won't participate in her denial.....even though I have sat at the same table with her whilst she consumed alcohol on at least 5 occasions, everytime resulting in a fight, even though I've caught her lying and sneaking around and coming home intoxicated, or spoken on the phone to her when she was clearly intoxicated....

amazing.....oh well, at least can't keep drinking without people knowing, so mission accomplished....

She's still in denial though. and the quacking has begun too.

Cowgirl1265

Ives, I'm really glad to hear that, not for her sake but for the sake of your baby.

KeepPedaling

Wow Ives! That's so great! Good for you!!!

ItsmeAlice

You are protecting your child, that is defense enough for your actions here.

Let her be mad. Let her stop drinking just to spite you. Let her have a healthy pregnancy just out of hate for you. Small price to pay for the little one still trying to grow.

Hang in there!

Alice

naive

hi ives. that's great news. blank the quacking. good news. naive

Ives

Hey all, thanks so much for the kind show of support. You have all been of paramount importance in keeping me strong, I owe you all a debt of gratitude and so does my little baby.

On thinking about it, when I first let the OB know about her drinking, he brought it up and suggested that he was going to have to send her to a social worker. When she got home she sent me a squawking email about it being a 'nice try you a**hole, but once he spoke to me and he saw what the truth was, he backed off on having to send me.'

My guess is, however, that he kept it in the back of his mind and kept open communication with her GP, who knew her WHOLE history. He likely saw that my story was consistent with her history of rehab.

I hadn't heard anything else about the social worker at all for a month, so assumed the OB will keep an eye on her. Thing is, I don't believe her when she says she stopped all drinking and pot use.

Here's the kicker - she had an appointment last week and had to do a urine test. I'm thinking the OB looked for any substances that might be present that shouldn't be and then BINGO - she gets a call from a social worker first thing today INSISTING that she go down and meet with them and that it's not an option. They are now going to be contacting me, her parents, her psychiatrist, her case workers from rehab and her GP.

I'm thinking she got burned.

Once again, thanks for the rock solid advice and guidance, all of you. I feel very very much relief tonight for the first time in a very long long time about my little girl. The added bonus is, she won't be subjected to any more drinking and this sets things in place for her arrival. At which time her mother will have to continue to be on her best behaviour, lest she lose custody like she did with her other child.

Cowgirl1265

Ives, just want to follow by saying: YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. Good for you. At least your baby has one parent who is willing to stand up for her.

Lilyflower

I'm glad that a social worker and the ob are looking at your concerns and have asked for blood tests from her. This is the kind of response I was expecting when you first told this forum you had spoken to her health workers.

Your job to help protect your unborn child is accomplished. She will not be able to 'drink without people knowing' with these various organisations and professionals looking in on her.

in order to progress your own healing Ives, it may be beneficial for you to move away from the 'she done this' and 'she said that'. At the moment your energy is focused on HER FAULTS as you see them. Focusing on compassion toward her and detaching back to focusing on yourself is were your energies belong and where you deserve them to be.

You can do no more than what you have done, step away fro the addict and the drama

Blessings
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

justanothrdrunk

Thanks for posting an update. I had been following the original thread (just lurking, no posting) and was wondering what happened.

Sounds like things are going the right way - glad to hear it.

Ives

Thanks Lily, I will do just that. I am going to a parenting class as well!

Ives

Cheers

harleyd101

Ives, thank God that baby has a father like you! You have given her a chance, and I've seen what fetal alcohol syndrome can do to a child. You are to be commended! You are that child's advocate, and you keep doing what you are doing!!! Big applause and hugs to you! Makes my heart warm thinking of a man doing the right thing for his child because the mother is incapable of seeing what she is doing!!!

nodaybut2day

Dear Ives,

I'm SO happy for you and for your baby girl.

I definitely agree with Lilyflower; focus on yourself and step away from the addict. If you need to, think of her simply as a vessel for your baby girl and nothing more.

I'm so glad HP is giving you this gift.

Ives

Thank you. That's my little girl. There is nothing I will not do to protect her.

Ives

Cheers. That is indeed how I think of her now, she has virtually driven love from me. I am not even heartbroken, all I care about is my baby now. The love that I have for her trumps all. It's not even hard to detach from this person. I will do whatever I must to ensure stability from now on. I'm in tears now. I love her so much.

Jazzman

Ives I just wanted to chime in here on the side of.. you did the right thing. Very adult of you. Your child will have an excellent Father.

husbandofacoa

As a father in a similar situation I can honestly say do what is best for your child and to hell with what she thinks or says. Drunks are liars. Period. As I heard in alanon, if she calls you a chair it doesn't make you a chair. When my wife goes in to the babbling, ********, liar mode, I pay no more attention to it that I would a crazy street person. It no longer has any effect on me.

Congratulations.

Ives

Hey,

Yeah, I suppose the toughest part is when she uses her son against me. She says this and that about me to him. Whatever. The problem for her, that she doesn't see, is that she is only hurting herself.

I have become more or less immune to her lies these days. Her ability to emotionally blackmail me has suffered greatly as my feelings for her romantically are fast approaching ambivalence. Her own doing.

Thankfully, I don't live with her. I think she's expecting that I will rush back and move in with her once baby is here......not likely at all.

Yesterday she called needing money to get to her doctor's appointment today. Her addiction makes it difficult to see just how messed up her life is. She can't even afford bus fare.

You're right. Drunks are liars. Her whole life is a lie.

Best of luck

TakingCharge999

Congrats Ives, for seeing beyond her excuses and lies and doing what is best for the baby. I am glad the doctors are no longer fooled anymore and know her background.

Keep moving forward!

Ives

She came back from today's appointment with a deflective argument how she spoke to the doc about how I am stressing her out and how HE said I am acting like a mother in law should and not like a man.

Squawk squawk squawk