lllost

I go to a local al anon group becasue there isn't a coda anywhere near me, although I'm thinking about taking the trian to a meeting just to see if there's much difference.

I have read loads of the threads and found them really helpful, I'd really appreciate some insight into my own problems with codependency even though my SO isn't an alcoholic.

Is this somewhere I can post, or can you recommend if not?

catlovermi

Lots of folks here are on the learning curve, dealing with their codependency issues and learning from the Experience, Strength & Hope of others' journeys away from codependent living.

This board discusses a lot of codependency issues, and the mental health board discusses mental health issues. There is also the ACOA board if you come from a dysfunctional family system. Feel free to try them out, but this one has the most volume of the ones mentioned.

In my own journey, I've found a direct correlation that the more I address codependent traits in myself, the more empowered I become and the stronger self-worth I cultivate.

Welcome! Post away, we're listening!

CLMI

coffeedrinker

I believe that to join al-anon, the "requirement" is that there is chemical dependency involving a friend or family member. If you feel this may be a good place for you, then I'm sure it is.

Do you wish to share what you're struggling with?

MissFixit

For what it is worth. Many folks with codie issues have some past dealing with an addict.

lllost

I am muddles, I want to leave, but everything keeps me here. i could go if I just ha d the strength but I always worry about how it will be for him, and what he'll think of me.

I want to take care of me, but I don;t even know where to start. I thought I was making progress detaching and stuff but I;m so enmeshed I can't see the wood for the trees.

FindingPeace1

Why don't you give us more details?
Also, have you checked out if there is a Codependent's Anonymous meeting nearby your town?

GiveLove

Hi lllost. Al-Anon meetings, journaling, counseling - and the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie - these things all helped me to start seeing myself more clearly. Taking small steps, I slowly grew stronger and clearer, and so can you.

And yes, you are most welcome here

nodaybut2day

Hi lllost, I post here a lot and since leaving my XAH, my problems have a lot more to do with my codie behaviour than with his drinking, so I definitely think you belong here.

Stereosteveo

*sigh*, I thought we had a CoDa forum. I don't see it.

Technically CoDa and Al-Anon are different. But I once lived in a small town that had AA and CoDa, no Al-Anon. I guess CoDa was their Al-Anon..But one lady's husband was a Gambler and another one introduced herself as a compulsive caretaker, but most were technically Al-Anons now that I think about it..

Well anyhow, you are welcome anywhere in my book lllost!

Cowgirl1265

Hi lllost, welcome to SR! I am like you in that my husband is not an alcoholic, but mentally ill and unstable, and we had a very toxic, codependent marriage. We are now separated, and I am here on SR learning how to unravel those codependent threads in my life and live free of that craziness. I am VERY glad to see you here!

lllost

I just keep thinking I want to leave, to go somewhere else to run away, I fantasize about being on my own. We lived apart for 3 years but my SO refused to move on, sell the house and stuff like that so I moved back in. Part of me moving back in was also about me feeling without purpose my kids had gone away to school and I had no-one to 'look after'.

My SO constantly criticies me and puts me down, I;m trying to rise above it, but just becoming very tired and quite depressed.

lllost

At the moment I feel as though I couldn't make a decision to save my life. I've been offered a pretty fabulous job, but it means being away from home for 12 weeks, and I'm in the middle of a 3 year course, which I'm pretty sure I no longer want to do.
The job seems like an ideal opportunity to get things together, step back and decide about the future of the course I'm on and my relationship.
The problem is the job is as a carer and I;m not sure thats a particularly good move either.

tjp613

lllost - Is God opening the door for you? Is it time to walk through it? It sounds like a great opportunity to me to get away and at least think things through in peace.

lllost

I've decided not to take the job. I think it may be using it as a bolt hole and that would not be fair to my employer.

I am trying to find my voice in my home and not feel belittled, I think running away is possibly what I usually do until I can deal with it all again, and now I'd just like to get better.

I have no difficulty asserting myself in other external situations, from the reading I have done I am guilty off a 'better than' attitude which is really not very nice. The only area I struggle is with my partner, I;d like to be myself with him.