aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.

For that and you I am truely grateful.

It's amazing how when the holidays
roll around families go crazy.

What I mean is, all yr round you
dont hear a peep from them, life
goes on and then all of a sudden
holiday are here and family want
to see u or want to know what's
happening in ur life.

Sheeeesh.....

When u dont comply with their
demands then everyone gets
worried.

In my situation, family is estranged.
When i left home at 18 after yrs
of verbal and physical abuse at
the hands of a sick mom, I myself
went thru many yrs of changes.

Recovery has helped me stay sober,
but the abuse runs deeper to the
core of my being. I cant forget
that time of my life and those that
preyed upon my vunerabiility as a
child.

We learn to forgive them but we
never forget. We learned to break
the chain of abuse to not carry it
on into our own families.

That I am truely grateful for.

Today I continue to distance myself
from the abusers or family members.

I dont think they realize the impact
of their actions on me yrs ago. For
me ive moved on in my life.

My 25 yr marriage ended. Moved
back to my hometown. Remarried.
Had hip replacement. Got tattoos.
Got my motorcycle endorsement.
All this in my 19 yrs. sober.

Now does that seem like Im hoarding
resentments of the past?

My brother is seeking information
of why I have distance myself
from the family. My space messages
asking why i refuse to call or visit
my parents.

I explained that this past Summer
after hip replacement i did call my
mom to share of my sucessful surgery
and i was well. I tried to visit but
was given a brush off like many
times before. "This is not a good
time."

When i hung up that was it. In my
mind I pronounced my mom dead.

That is the kind of abuse I dont
need to deal with anymore and Im
not.

A message wes replyed last night
as I shared with my brother the
extent of the call in the summer
and remarked "like mom says,
this is not a good time" to get
together for a visit.

Sheeeeeesh.

Are they that bored in their lives
this time of the yr to stir up the
post or sh*t. lol

Get over it and move on with a
new year....but not with me.

Im happy joyful and free today
living life as Im suppose to be.
Need I say more....

aasharon90

I love to come here to SR just to
share what's on my mind. It allows
me to let go of that extra baggage
that is weighing me down.

I dont necessaryily need a reply,
but an just an ear to listen or
read what is bothering me.

I have a feeling that Im not
alone is holiday pains that
bother us.

Many just escape the
family chaos by leaving
town or going away for
those times of the yr.
just so they dont have
ge caught up in family
dysfunction.

Anyway....thanks SR
for being here for my
growing pains in recovery.

YOU R The GREATEST...!

Still Waters

Big hugs Sharon

aasharon90

I love coming here to SR, just
to share whatever it maybe.

Just so i dont have to carry
burdensom thoughts. Esp.
when it comes to family.

Holidays seem to bring either
bring families closer together
or they push them apart.

Either blessed or just sent
to limbo.

I came from a dysfunctional
middle class family. Fast for-
warding many yrs later and
many changes.

Ive been in recovery for
19 yrs now and living and
loving life without the
connection of an infectious
family.

Another holiday and family
still want to know about my
distance from the family.
Making it sound like im at
fault.....

Word of "we love you uncondition-
ally"....like what the hell did
I do wrong.

Family seems to have amnisea.
Forgetting what transpired
yrs ago.

In recovery i have learned to
forgive but not to forget.
Esp when it comes to those
that abused me physically,
verbally and emotionally.

I wrote a long email to my
brother this morning ex-
plaining for the umpteenth
time why i made choices
in my life.

Ud think they would heed
the message an let me
live my life in peace the way
I chose to.

Yes i explained to that brother
i feared him still even after all
these yrs. I cant help but
wonder why he never stood
by my side to protect me
but rather was against me to
hurt me. He claims we were
just kids and we did kid things....

He wasnt a kid when he bashed
my head to the concrete floor
of the garage and he surely
wasnt a child when he came
to my apt and bashed my mouth
in cutting it on my braces.

Family members dont turn
on each other. They r suppose
to love, and protect each
other.

When i have a women that is
suppose to be my mom, has
never been nor ever will be
continues to play puppeteer
with family members.

And my dear dad consoles me
yrs ago with words of "forgive
ur mom for she know not what
she is doing. She is sick."

I tried to go visit my parents last
yr shortly after my hip replacement.
and was given the brush off and
another reason why it wasnt a
good time.

To me that was the moment that
severed the ties from my mom
forever. That moment when I
hung up the phone and felt
the rejection like a knife
stabbing me in the back I
knew it was over for good.

My mom is no longer alive
in my heart.

Today I am happy joyous
and free from that dysfunction
in my life and stessed to the
family to let me live in PEACE.

Is all in my HP's hands now and
I can live with that.

aasharon90

I drank to numb the pain I went thru
and get into recovery so i wouldnt
have to live like that anymore.

If i had stayed in that painful dys-
functional enviroment, i would have
continued to drink, gone crazy or
ended up dead.

Im extremely grateful today for the
chance to live a more meaningful
and rewarding life thru an extroardinary
program of recovery.