past christmas
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
past christmas
i thought we could help each other get thru the holiday season by reminding ourselves of previous christmas spoiled by alcohol.
i think that at this time of year, many of us can be victims to "magical thinking" of lovely family time together.
unfortunately, if my memory serves correctly, that's not what christmas was with my xABF. it was a nightmare!
perhaps time for a reality check!
anyone got a story?
i think that at this time of year, many of us can be victims to "magical thinking" of lovely family time together.
unfortunately, if my memory serves correctly, that's not what christmas was with my xABF. it was a nightmare!
perhaps time for a reality check!
anyone got a story?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
i'll start.
last christmas, my alcoholic turned to me about 10 days prior to christmas and said he was going to drink solid this christmas, as he missed his children. i thought he meant christmas day. he didn't. he meant he was going to drink solid UNTIL christmas, which he proceeded to do.
after not seeing much of him for that week, on christmas eve, he called me and asked me to meet him for a drink at a pub. i stupidly took this as a sign that he wanted to be together, and hurriedly rushed to meet him.
he didn't show.
i waited an hour and then left to go back to our flat.
he appeared at 3AM christmas morning, drunk out of his mind. he started in at me. a friend of mine had given me the key to her flat, whilst she was away with her family. i decided to get out of my house with this raving lunatic and go to hers.
so, at 4AM, i went out into the dark streeet to walk to her house, about a mile away. about half way there, i had a weird feeling and turned around, to discover him ducking behind a house, as he followed me.
i waited for him to catch up with me, at which point he accused me of going to see some fictitious lover that existed only in his mind. i told him i was going to my friend's house, to get away from the madness. i told him to go home.
i continued on my way, got to my friend's house, let myself in. she had a bible on the table, which i read for a bit. then, as the dawn was breaking on christmas, i felt so void and empty of everything, i took some of her sleeping pills and slept the whole day away.
merry christmas!
last christmas, my alcoholic turned to me about 10 days prior to christmas and said he was going to drink solid this christmas, as he missed his children. i thought he meant christmas day. he didn't. he meant he was going to drink solid UNTIL christmas, which he proceeded to do.
after not seeing much of him for that week, on christmas eve, he called me and asked me to meet him for a drink at a pub. i stupidly took this as a sign that he wanted to be together, and hurriedly rushed to meet him.
he didn't show.
i waited an hour and then left to go back to our flat.
he appeared at 3AM christmas morning, drunk out of his mind. he started in at me. a friend of mine had given me the key to her flat, whilst she was away with her family. i decided to get out of my house with this raving lunatic and go to hers.
so, at 4AM, i went out into the dark streeet to walk to her house, about a mile away. about half way there, i had a weird feeling and turned around, to discover him ducking behind a house, as he followed me.
i waited for him to catch up with me, at which point he accused me of going to see some fictitious lover that existed only in his mind. i told him i was going to my friend's house, to get away from the madness. i told him to go home.
i continued on my way, got to my friend's house, let myself in. she had a bible on the table, which i read for a bit. then, as the dawn was breaking on christmas, i felt so void and empty of everything, i took some of her sleeping pills and slept the whole day away.
merry christmas!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
I grew up with some terrible Christmas holidays around drunks and when I used myself ...and hadn't developed skills like detaching and not reacting. I think emotions get exaggerated as people use and we have emotions around family. This year I don't feel any drama. I feel gratitude for my blessings........Recovery being the biggest! I feel blessed that I have done the work with help of HP and alanon and code work to let go of XAH. I am also so grateful for SR. It doesn't hurt to be snowed in to be in the holiday spirit. I have had holidays where drunk father or drunk husband ruin Christmas. I spent one in a police station after XAH had gone off on me. They made him leave for three days. I moved out not long after. This year I feel the spiritual . I feel the gratitude for my safe home situation. I feel the gratitude for my recovery family. It is all good.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Ahhhhhhh so many bad memories!!
A biggie was when my Afather ended up in the hospital on Christmas Eve with pancreatitis...I can remember so clearly looking up the pancreas in our Encyclopedia and it mentioned the deleterious effects of alcohol on the pancreas!! I showed my sister. It felt so ominous.
And I remember my Mom telling everyone Dad had a bad case of the flu and he was really fine - isn't it crazy that they admitted him etc, just the flu!! What a masterful liar she was. By New Year's he was home and drinking again! I guess he thought it was just the flu too!
Insanity.
Many, many Christmases spoiled by loud belligerent A brother getting wasted, knocking stuff over - breaking newly opened gifts! Making sarcastic comments. Or Christmas made sour by sweet, mellow, younger A brother passing out on the sofa and peeing himself. My mother wound up tight as a drum, yet she always kept a fully, overflowing, stocked bar all Christmas. Yuk, yuk, double yuk.
So glad that is all in the past. I imagine they still have some of the same scenes going on, since my mom has never stopped stocking up the house with alcohol and enabling her alcoholic sons.
I have been doing my own thing for many years now. Peaceful, warm, meaningful moments with my kids and people I love are the norm now. Some years I have visited my family - I visit them because then I can get the hell out exactly when I need to!
Christmas was such a confusing time for me as a kid...always so much excitement, beauty, promise...and then shame, denial, weirdness...
Glad that is behind me. I learned much.
Peace & joy to all!
b.
A biggie was when my Afather ended up in the hospital on Christmas Eve with pancreatitis...I can remember so clearly looking up the pancreas in our Encyclopedia and it mentioned the deleterious effects of alcohol on the pancreas!! I showed my sister. It felt so ominous.
And I remember my Mom telling everyone Dad had a bad case of the flu and he was really fine - isn't it crazy that they admitted him etc, just the flu!! What a masterful liar she was. By New Year's he was home and drinking again! I guess he thought it was just the flu too!
Insanity.
Many, many Christmases spoiled by loud belligerent A brother getting wasted, knocking stuff over - breaking newly opened gifts! Making sarcastic comments. Or Christmas made sour by sweet, mellow, younger A brother passing out on the sofa and peeing himself. My mother wound up tight as a drum, yet she always kept a fully, overflowing, stocked bar all Christmas. Yuk, yuk, double yuk.
So glad that is all in the past. I imagine they still have some of the same scenes going on, since my mom has never stopped stocking up the house with alcohol and enabling her alcoholic sons.
I have been doing my own thing for many years now. Peaceful, warm, meaningful moments with my kids and people I love are the norm now. Some years I have visited my family - I visit them because then I can get the hell out exactly when I need to!
Christmas was such a confusing time for me as a kid...always so much excitement, beauty, promise...and then shame, denial, weirdness...
Glad that is behind me. I learned much.
Peace & joy to all!
b.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
One of the last Christmases I chose to spend with my family of origin was one of the worst. My A father had remarried following my mother's death, of course to another alcoholic. My alcoholic sister flew in from California had flown in to spend the holidays with us, and they proceeded to drink all night. Result: A raging argument about my late mother's flaws or lack thereof, glasses thrown, hitting each other, screaming, the whole thing. I hid in my 10-year-old brother's room and we played Old Maid until they passed out.
There were, of course, many others. My addict sister doing heroin and setting the kitchen on fire. My XABF going next door to do cocaine for half the night. My other XABF telling me he had to be with his family, but finding out he was drunk and in bed with his ex-wife. And so on, and so forth.
After working on myself, nowadays if it's anything so much as someone looking cross-eyed at me at Christmas, I smile, grab my coat, and leave. I'm not in the tiniest, tiniest bit interested in that kind of drama any more, and I treasure my serenity and my sanity too much. Let the drama types have fun with each other........I am at peace with my life, at peace with myself, and at peace with the world at Christmas.
There were, of course, many others. My addict sister doing heroin and setting the kitchen on fire. My XABF going next door to do cocaine for half the night. My other XABF telling me he had to be with his family, but finding out he was drunk and in bed with his ex-wife. And so on, and so forth.
After working on myself, nowadays if it's anything so much as someone looking cross-eyed at me at Christmas, I smile, grab my coat, and leave. I'm not in the tiniest, tiniest bit interested in that kind of drama any more, and I treasure my serenity and my sanity too much. Let the drama types have fun with each other........I am at peace with my life, at peace with myself, and at peace with the world at Christmas.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
GL, I was wondering about you, glad to "see" you around (hugs)
Last christmas I worked until 3AM. I left the office and drove home. I was exhausted. I had learned XABF was spending it with his new gf because some other friend told me, when I had asked XABF he just stared to space. I thought he was mourning and asked if he was going to spend it with his friends... how naive of me... UGH.
My heart was shattered and I used to live in the SR chat with recovered alcoholics who told me XABF had probably drank for much time before me and that it was not my fault.
My mom and me ate soup. Nothing special and I couldn't explain the pain I felt. A horrible place and I swore next christmas I would be a little bit better. At least now I got two cats and am no longer a doormat....
Last christmas I worked until 3AM. I left the office and drove home. I was exhausted. I had learned XABF was spending it with his new gf because some other friend told me, when I had asked XABF he just stared to space. I thought he was mourning and asked if he was going to spend it with his friends... how naive of me... UGH.
My heart was shattered and I used to live in the SR chat with recovered alcoholics who told me XABF had probably drank for much time before me and that it was not my fault.
My mom and me ate soup. Nothing special and I couldn't explain the pain I felt. A horrible place and I swore next christmas I would be a little bit better. At least now I got two cats and am no longer a doormat....
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