nothappy

Having lunch with a friend the other day, feeling frustrated, helpless, hopeless... she came up with the idea of using super glue to glue AH's empty vodka bottles in his hands when he's passed out. Now, I know this would be an irrational thing to do but the vision of it just makes me so happy... absolutely tickled. And I feel a little guilty because it's mean. But it makes me laugh anyway. Imagine the look on his face when he came to. What's he gonna do? He can't drive, he can't even take a leak. Imagine him trying to hail a cab... "Sorry sir but we can't have open containers in the taxi."

I'm finding a lot of inappropriate things amusing these days. Even his attempts at insulting me. It's more fun than getting mad. Is this some kind of wierd phase codies go through?

intheknow

Very funny. Actually, this was something my therapist recommended as a way to deal with them.

She told me to picture my MIL with a twirling beany hat on her head when she talks. It works for me!

Thumper

Haha. I think that is a good one!!

It would be beer cans in my case. I am now going to have a hard time not visualizing them glued down all over the place, lol.

aboutdone

I read in one of my Al Anon books, how a woman who was so irritated and disgusted with her AHs behaviour, that when she started Al Anon, she started finding a new way to deal. When he was drunk, quacking, or anything else that she normally reacted to, she went out in her backyard and started digging. She said she would imagine she was digging a hole to bury him alive. Quite crazy I thought at first, and how morbid, but she said within a couple of months she had worked out alot of aggression and by spring she had all kinds of holes to plant beautiful flowers in. When the flowers bloomed, she had something good come out of her aggression.

Once when my first X got really drunk, when we were with friends, we went home and he proceeded to pass out, we painted his nails hot pink, curled his hair, put makeup on him, and stuffed his shirt to look as if he had tah tahs. We then took about 3 polaroids, and then removed it all. I showed him later, and kept them put up. Oh, he was so ticked. In his line of work, if I ever sent those to his boss, he would never live it down. I am just not that mean spirited, but it always felt good to have those pics just in case. LOL.

NYC_Chick

When my xabf would throw tantrum or be emotionally abusive, I would envision him in diapers and a little bonnet with a rattle in his hand. It helped me to keep perspective and keep from completely losing it.

ItsmeAlice

I DO think this is a phase and part of the natural progression in recovery.

Some threads have talked about this as ill-wishing. Dreaming up nasty things that you wish would happen to your A to get back at them, let them feel some of your pain, or maybe wake them up to how rediculous their addicted behavior can be.

Many discussions have been had here about whether these posts are appropriate here or if they promote bitterness and anger and don't put the focus of recovery where it should be...on us. I see value in both sides of the discussion.

I believe these thoughts and feelings are going to come to you and they will eat at you. I think they do steal your focus of health and recovery away from you if you do not give them a home, a proper home. Writing them here as you have where you can safely express these thoughts and consider ways to turn them into more positive thinking (as with the story of the holes in the backyard) or journal them where they are only read by you later when you are stronger or even write them in a letter that is later burned and sent to the stars for someone more suitable to judge (your HP) I believe is a healthy home for them.

My family and friends would bring up similar little nasty plots and stories as a way to make me laugh, to empower me, and to let me know they were on my side so I could never bring myself to chastise them for joking at XABF's expense. In time, we all moved on to less snarky topics naturally. I think you and your friend will do the same.

Maybe instead of glue try velcro...that way it's interchangeable with other beverages!! Ha!

Alice