Thumper

I know exactly how you feel.

My ah also waivers on the accepting/not accepting/not really even acknowledging that divorce is in process. He is very good at making his own reality sometimes! I think it is also a shock that he can no longer manipulate me into believing what he believes so he was a bit flummoxed about the fact that I didn't cancel the entire thing based on his actions/words.

It is really hard. I think we'll sign the papers some time this week so he is finally accepting it now - although he called and wanted to come over last night - he wouldn't tell anyone. Ugh - please. No. I can't decide if that is really something he wanted, if he still isn't accepting the divorce, if it was manipulative, just wanted to get laid, or if it was a trick because I think if you have sex then it gives you a shot at delaying the divorce by another couple months (I don't think he even knows that).

Linkmeister

My exABF will not acknowledge that it's over between us and like your AH, Thumper, won't accept reality and lives in a parallel universe where he can lay the blame, believe Al-Anon is a cult that is taking me away from him, think a few I love You's thrown in for good measure and the offer of coming over to the house to cuddle and make love will make things right with us.

But, the real world struck when mine found out that his manipulation wasn't working anymore and the anger and accusations came out. It was all my fault, I didn't stand by him....quack, quack, quack.

It's hard right now and the pull to go back to that parallel universe is strong so I'm keeping myself busy cleaning my house - it's going to be a darned clean one but whatever helps to keep me occupied.........

sclarke64448

Hey Redux fantastic thread!!! My xabf broke up with me because 'I'm not good enough for you'! I've posted many many many times about the break up since joining this site in July. Funny, it took him three years, £11,000 of my money and finding another woman first, to realise it!! Stupidly some days I still think I'd take him back. Then reality hits home when I read posts from other people in the same situation on this site, and find myself speaking wisdom to them!! I'm not sure I've met you on SR before but I'm glad I have. What an uplifting thread :-) X

kj3880

I'm too far gone to be a breakup buddy, I've had an active alcoholic ex with absolutely no contact for over a year now, but...if anyone wants a breakup sponsor...I can be there for that!

Love,
KJ

kittykitty

Just broke up with an addicted boyfriend on Saturday... seems to think there is nothing wrong with smoking pot and sitting on the couch for hours at a time, neglecting responsibilities and priorities (wait, smoking pot is his priority I guess, not me). But I keep going back and forth in my head, thinking I didn't put enough time into the relationship, or "it wasn't that bad, no one's perfect, maybe my expectations are too high". I wrestled with it for a while, and finally decided to just end it on Saturday. He can understand why his habit would cause trouble in a relationship, and made no comment whatsoever of maybe cutting down or quitting. That probably hurt the most, the idea that he would rather lose me than even _contemplating_ quitting . Again, my expectations....

aboutdone

Count me in. Its MY breakup by choice. Going no contact today. I'm doing awesome so far, but have had alot of phone convo with my BFF which helps. Tonight will be quite difficult I am sure, as I have never ever went NC with this one, yet it is imperative that I do, for my own sanity, the mental health of myself and my children, and my Serenity.

Awesome idea. Thank you! Much needed today!

intheknow

IN! Pick me, pick me...haha.

I am so in.

Cath

I am in too!! this is a great idea

nothappy

I am not able to join the BB club but I'm an admirer and ardent supporter.

OtherHalf7

Count me in, and, as I side note, I was a semi-employed house wife of an abusive alcoholic, with 3 kids under the age of 3...it took sacrifice, hard work, tears, but...I got a divorce, I got a job, I got a Master's degree, and...NEVER would I have even tried had I stayed with him...now that I'm going through the next major heartbreak, I reflect upon that trauma, and yes, it does hurt the 2nd time around, but we get through it, and, since misery loves company... SIGN ME UP lol!

Jadmack25

I have just joined those here having told now drunk ABF an hour ago that he is done and dusted. I said last November that if he drank we would be finished, and today he took OUR car and drove home drunk, so that is 2 boundaries he crossed today. It is the end of a rocky 18 years, but as he lives only in the next group of units it could be a rough night ahead of me.

Yesterday my daughter asked if I could help her if needed, as she injured her back at work. Of course I said yes, and told XABF. He suddenly began on an old theme of how my family used me etc. All I saw was him turn into a duck and his words into quacking, and I did not need that crap anymore. Left his place and went home, having no contact last night or today.

Knew he could be drinking when the car was gone from just after 9.30 and still gone at 5.30pm, so not surprised when he turned up at my door. Told him straight to go away, not come over here again, we are over and that if he took the car when he'd been drinking, I'd call the police immediately. The big surprise was he just turned and walked away, no comments, no abuse.

I feel a bit numb just now, as this has happened so suddenly and out of the blue, after nearly a year of him being wonderful and with no dry drunk behavior, which had been so evident in past sober times.

Frankly I could batter him into mush with my walking stick right now and what I feel like doing with a stubbie of beer I leave to those with vivid imaginations.

Have only one way of letting fly,

AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! !!!

lostspirit

This site is helping me to hold on to what little sanity I have left. I've been lurking here for a week. Six weeks ago my AH went to inpatient. I knew it wouldn't solve all our problems,but I thought if we are both sober we could go forward and work on them. Five days after a 21 day stint he announced that he doesn't love me (we've been together for 17 years) . He met a girl who understands him at rehab and he's choosing to go become healthy with her. My ego is in the dumper and I worry about his recovery, not to mention the job of untangling our life together. This site and the posts I've read have made me feel like I'm not alone. Thank you all. Everyday gets better, I feel stronger, and I'm finally looking at myself for what I want in life. When I feel weak, I jump on line and read what you all have shared. I'm not sure where I would be without this little life line. I hope someday I can do the same for others.

Lilly Burn

My story is a bit of all of the above and I have a dog! Does that make it ok to join...Im ten months from AH "leaving without consent" and my emotions are like a yo yo....Lillyx

wanting

Welcome, lostspirit. My story is a bit similar to yours. Keep coming back here! You'll get stronger and stronger every day.

kptsj

My husband went into a 5 day detox in early August. Oh, he wanted help. He would never drink again. etc. blah, blah, blah. I opened back up to him and within 2 weeks he was drinking again. There was a young lady in detox the same time as him. He said he helped her talk about her problems. She called right after she got out. I am so glad we weren't home when she called. She made him feel so good about himself. There is no telling where that would have ended up. I met one person that was in the detox the same time as AH. He said AH helped everyone so much and talked so good about me. I said that was a change. Of course, if the young lady called right now I wouldn't care. Too much has happened. I do think this forum has saved my sanity. I have been able to let go of the anger and pure bile I was carrying around.

play9

Thank you,
Mine was not an alcoholic,nor does she drink,The bondage of self centeredness on my part showed up and for the first time in my life I believe i am self absorbed. I always thought when people said I was self centered they were just insulting me because they were usually angry when I heard it,but I've been doing some research on it and da da i am a sufferer,I hate it I keeps me alone alot.any tips?

play9

I am sorry for your loss,but happy for what you'll gain.
You probably have heard that as aa's we tend to lose people for many reasons,but when sobriety is involved even 21 days of it, the intense bonding and moral support that occurs inpatient treatment centers is powerful,and encouraged.
But It has been my experience (not first hand) that when people get too tight that fast red flag time ,I am sure you have good reason for concern re:his sobriety,but if he places more in a tightrope walk than the real deal then count your blessings that you are not going down that road with him,I believe the situation is written in sand.
I'm not making light of that,but you are hopefully a healthy member,that will continue your quest,as well as reachin out !!

Thumper

I finally got divorce papers today. They look fine to me but I meet with my attorney next Wed. and we'll sign them then. All done.

He has been out of the house for two weeks. My stress level has went so far down. I need all that extra energy to deal with this co-parenting stuff. That part has not been easy at all. Heartbreaking (dealing with the kids) and infuriating (dealing with AH).

Denoraphy

Boy, could I use a BB. Friends and family who do not have to live with or deal with an addict have NO CLUE what it is like. My family lives out of state, on the rare occasion that I speak with them I do not want to be rehashing the unpleasantness of my relationship with my AH. Someone who understands, is who I need to talk to.

TakingCharge999

Well I am 10 days short of FULL YEAR OF NO PERSONAL CONTACT....

I got contact due to work but nothing else.

It has been the toughest year, triggers and stuff thrown to my face almost daily. But I am stronger than this thanks to SR and to my inner work and God.



I can do this... I can do this... I can do this... I can do this...