Dadtrying

My AH who also used drugs and suffers from depression has been to an out of rehab. Has refused AA or after care and has been drinking again.

Here is my struggle. She doesn't drink nearly as much. The actual drinking has not caused any issues (being drunk and causing problems). No going out drinking other than one night when I went to a wedding and she refused to go but went out without me knowing. (different story all together). She only drinks at home once in awhile and never too much. I am sure she is convinved that alcoholicm is in her past since she is now a "responsible drinker".

However she is the same angry, unhappy, lazy do nothing but sit around all day, no job, no care, no love, no intamacy, no shower, blame me for all her unhappiness, fed up with things, miserable wife she has always been.

When I connect this attitude to her being an alcoholic well I get the she "doesn't have a drinking problem anymore, come on you just wanna blame me for everything huh."

Tell me it's true that you don't need to add alcohol to an alcoholic to have an alcoholic.

Cowgirl1265

Of course that is true. Relationship and personal problems don't go away just because a person isn't drinking. That's what AA is for, not just to give support in not drinking, but to give the addict a place to work on those issues that they were drinking to escape from in the first place.

Are you attending Al-Anon? I'll gently suggest it if you are not.

ETA: My H does not currently drink at all, but only because of severe acid reflux issues. If he drinks, he is in physical turmoil for days. However, his behaviors are classic - denial, blame, everything is everyone else's fault, everyone else is responsible for him. When he could drink, he would come home from work, have two or three stiff rum and cokes and be falling asleep on the couch by 8 pm. So no, in my experience, they don't need to be drinking to act like an alcholic.

Astro

Alcohol is just a sympton of my disease. Take away the alcohol and I'm a dry, miserable drunk. Drinking was a way of plugging up a hole in my soul, it hid all the other problems in my life.

AA gave me another way to fill that void, with spirituality and a God of my understanding.

I'll second that suggestion for an Al-Anon meeting. Having a support group to reach out to has given me a life I used to dream of.

smacked

Alcoholism or not, some people are just angry, unhappy, lazy, unemployed, careless, emotionless, sexless, dirty, blaming, fed up and miserable.

My question to you is why would you want to be with someone with the above qualities, regardless of alcoholism being the convenient thing to blame?

Dadtrying

I don't know.

honoryourself

Lol usually people respond to the 'why would you want to be with someone like this' with excuses, but I think your response is pretty accurate. For some reason it gave me a good laugh. It's a good question for all of us. Why would we? I don't know.. figuring that out, figuring out that we shouldn't want to be, but somehow are still connected...