The Alcoholic and Sex
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 105
"Maybe some ladies here can offer advice on ways to have NECESSARY contact with that person but at the same time managing to be less affected by his sickness? "
Maybe we should start a thread about this issue?
I know it's something I have to face and I'm pretty nervous about it.
Maybe we should start a thread about this issue?
I know it's something I have to face and I'm pretty nervous about it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Wild West, USA
Posts: 407
I didn't find that alcohol and sex went hand in hand, with my former husband. He described himself as being basically asexual, and I can attest to his low interest in flesh and blood females. The truth was that his preferred partner was not me, or any other woman, but the computer. Suggest that maybe he should get rid of the internet for the sake of marital success? Jeez, ya should have heard him b**** and whine. "Asexual," my fanny.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 534
My AH could always get it up, and always wanted it, but he always finished the job in 4 seconds. I never thought anyone would be interested in carrying on an affair with someone like that, but apparently, I was wrong!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 170
I knew a family that when they drank, the daughter would have sex her husband's brother, her best friend's husband, etc. Her brother was the same way...have sex with his girlfriend's sister, his girlfriend's best friend, etc. The daughter would go over to her friend's house to pick up something and while she was there, she would have sex with her friend's husband while her friend was in another room of the house taking a nap.
They're mother justified this behavior by saying "It's just part of the disease." I couldn't believe it was just no big deal to them.
They're mother justified this behavior by saying "It's just part of the disease." I couldn't believe it was just no big deal to them.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 247
I actually know two sisters who have sex with anyone and everyone they can when drunk. Doesn't matter to them if the person is male or female. They see someone they like, and they make them a "goal" for the night.
If anyone questions them on their behavior, they just laugh and say "I was so drunk..."
If anyone questions them on their behavior, they just laugh and say "I was so drunk..."
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 2
Alcohol makes people far more likely to have unwise sex with the a person. alcohol is either the ultimate confidence booster, guaranteed to liven up the action between the sheets, or the death knell of a promising encounter, leaving one or both of you too stewed for love. But Alcohol has measurable effects on sexual arousal and risk taking, according to the research.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
hmmm, so tell us what's on your mind Jazz1?
Welcome to the Friends and Family Forum.
This is an older thread - hasn't been active in almost one year. Please feel free to start a new thread and introduce yourself!
Welcome to the Friends and Family Forum.
This is an older thread - hasn't been active in almost one year. Please feel free to start a new thread and introduce yourself!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
XAH always swore to me he never had sex with anyone else ever-of course he also tells me he is not an alcoholic, drug addict either. . .
Sadly, I have to say, it reached a point in our marriage when I could have cared less if he had sex with someone else. I had sort of lost interest. Hard to get in the mood when someone falls down on the way to you and starts to vomit. Just sort of a mood killer.
I can actually remember having a conversation with XAH once and I asked him why he still wanted to be married to me because (1) I was never going to think it was OK for him to be an alcoholic/addict (2) I was never going to think it was OK for him not to work and sit on his behind and drink and drug all day while I was at work and (3) I was never having sex with him again because as B.B. King said-the thrill is gone baby.
I know he surrounded himself with barflies when he was gigging. People told me and when I realized I did not care-that was pretty much when I realized the marriage was over (along with many other things). I was almost happy about it because I thought they could deal with the 2 stroke piston from that point forward!
Sadly, I have to say, it reached a point in our marriage when I could have cared less if he had sex with someone else. I had sort of lost interest. Hard to get in the mood when someone falls down on the way to you and starts to vomit. Just sort of a mood killer.
I can actually remember having a conversation with XAH once and I asked him why he still wanted to be married to me because (1) I was never going to think it was OK for him to be an alcoholic/addict (2) I was never going to think it was OK for him not to work and sit on his behind and drink and drug all day while I was at work and (3) I was never having sex with him again because as B.B. King said-the thrill is gone baby.
I know he surrounded himself with barflies when he was gigging. People told me and when I realized I did not care-that was pretty much when I realized the marriage was over (along with many other things). I was almost happy about it because I thought they could deal with the 2 stroke piston from that point forward!
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Originally Posted by Wife2Kids 
because as B.B. King said-the thrill is gone baby.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
I've been thinking about some of this. What he does when he is in a full blown drunken blackout but I honestly don't want to know. Maybe that is keeping my blinders on or a form of denial but that is just one can of worms I don't want to open. As far as I see it, anyone (drunk or sober) can cheat on their partner so either I drive myself crazy thinking about it or go by how he is when he is sober and if I go by that, I am not worried.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 138
Alcohol definitely gets people making decisions they otherwise make sober and generally those decisions are more basic in nature. A sex drive is very low on the thinking scale and if the person wants it sober it generally will increase as other thoughts leave the head and the remaining ones intensify.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
My stbxah had a very low libido. In the first few years together at least he would try and although he did not need any pills to help him or anything he was very uncomfortable being intimate. I think I should have left then 
Eventually as his disease progressed, any urge for physical intimacy disappeared. At the time I didnt realize how much he was drinking. We went to the doctor and the doctor told him, he is fine, he needs a psychiatrist because he has a beautiful wife waiting for him in the waiting room who is very concerned why her husband no longer wants to be with her. He gave him pills and he takes them every since,. He cannot perform without them. He also needed them with his girlfriend. The reason I know this is a whole other story but that made me feel a bit better.
His girlfriend left him by the way and he is supposedly back in AA. I wanted to say...living with an A was tough enough...and being rejected by mine really hit me where it hurt the most. As a female who is human and sleeping next to a man who has no desire for her was the worst punishment ever. Eventually the whole story unfolded abotu how much he drank and I found Alanon and realized it wasnt me but going through it was horrible.
Eventually as his disease progressed, any urge for physical intimacy disappeared. At the time I didnt realize how much he was drinking. We went to the doctor and the doctor told him, he is fine, he needs a psychiatrist because he has a beautiful wife waiting for him in the waiting room who is very concerned why her husband no longer wants to be with her. He gave him pills and he takes them every since,. He cannot perform without them. He also needed them with his girlfriend. The reason I know this is a whole other story but that made me feel a bit better.
His girlfriend left him by the way and he is supposedly back in AA. I wanted to say...living with an A was tough enough...and being rejected by mine really hit me where it hurt the most. As a female who is human and sleeping next to a man who has no desire for her was the worst punishment ever. Eventually the whole story unfolded abotu how much he drank and I found Alanon and realized it wasnt me but going through it was horrible.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Newport, RI
Posts: 242
One year into my relationship with my AXH, I had the feeling he was cheating. I just had this sneaky inkling that something was wrong. It felt horrible. I asked two of his good friends whether he was being dishonest. Looking back, I think I just wanted to hear something soothing; I wasn't ready for the truth. Of course, they said "No! He's not capable of that." One said: "His problem at the moment is alcohol. He should just go back to smoking pot." So, I began to think that alcohol was the "mistress" and that I could fix that!
During he seven years we were together, he got progressively worse. His body odor worsened and the sex disappeared completely. After the birth of our first child, two years into the relationship, we had sex maybe five times in total. And during the last time, we conceived kid number two.
By the end, I found out that he was having affairs with other women. The day after our second child was born, he traveled to Germany to meet his girlfriend. I only found this out recently.
In order to have sex, he needed excitement and raunchiness. He liked violent porn and he liked to pinch nipples. He blamed me for being too fat and not dressing in high heels and fishnet stockings. I think that sex and alcohol are cross addictive. I also think that alcohol makes people forget whatever values they have and makes them do things they wouldn't do sober.
As a result, I cannot trust a man who drinks too much.
During he seven years we were together, he got progressively worse. His body odor worsened and the sex disappeared completely. After the birth of our first child, two years into the relationship, we had sex maybe five times in total. And during the last time, we conceived kid number two.
By the end, I found out that he was having affairs with other women. The day after our second child was born, he traveled to Germany to meet his girlfriend. I only found this out recently.
In order to have sex, he needed excitement and raunchiness. He liked violent porn and he liked to pinch nipples. He blamed me for being too fat and not dressing in high heels and fishnet stockings. I think that sex and alcohol are cross addictive. I also think that alcohol makes people forget whatever values they have and makes them do things they wouldn't do sober.
As a result, I cannot trust a man who drinks too much.
Last edited by mamaplus2kids; 10-21-2010 at 12:42 AM. Reason: Additional personal thought
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: england
Posts: 162
im gonna be really blunt here .....
In my experience with my exabf he would want it and would get it up but it just wouldnt stay up,and it used to make me sick that he wanted me to carry on chugging away just so he felt good! grrr
I beleieve they think they should be doing it as it makes them feel more like a man but they are just incapable! thats my experience anyway and it sure aint one i want to go back to yukky!
In my experience with my exabf he would want it and would get it up but it just wouldnt stay up,and it used to make me sick that he wanted me to carry on chugging away just so he felt good! grrr
I beleieve they think they should be doing it as it makes them feel more like a man but they are just incapable! thats my experience anyway and it sure aint one i want to go back to yukky!
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
IMO, ex AW became promiscuous after alcoholism developed. Before drinking, she was very polite, humble, loyal to the people that loved her (husband, handful of close friends, family) Everything changed with alcoholism. She became like a "little god", self centered, selfish, arrogant, vulgar speech.
I have observed alcoholics together at bars and social events. They are in their own demented world. Not infrequently their conversations are gibberish, nonsense to a sane sober person, but not to them. Because I believe some have low self esteem, having multiple sex partners may help them feel better about themselves. Also they may enjoy the attention they get, it also may make them feel they are attractive and desirable despite an obvious deterioration in physical and mental health.
One recovering alc I met tome me he spent 10 years drunk at girlie bars in SE asia but not once did he partake with a girl. Alcohol was the lover.
Any drug/alcohol counselor will tell you promiscuity goes hand in hand with addiction, although not 100% of them.
I have observed alcoholics together at bars and social events. They are in their own demented world. Not infrequently their conversations are gibberish, nonsense to a sane sober person, but not to them. Because I believe some have low self esteem, having multiple sex partners may help them feel better about themselves. Also they may enjoy the attention they get, it also may make them feel they are attractive and desirable despite an obvious deterioration in physical and mental health.
One recovering alc I met tome me he spent 10 years drunk at girlie bars in SE asia but not once did he partake with a girl. Alcohol was the lover.
Any drug/alcohol counselor will tell you promiscuity goes hand in hand with addiction, although not 100% of them.
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