tdforou

tonight my AW of 17plus years brings home a 4 pack of wine. She's said she's cutting back. My therapist and i last night discussed detaching in relation to enabling by my inaction.

So, i asked her if she was going to drink all of that tonight (not detaching). She said as part of my codependence that I needed to let her alone as it was her choice and I agreed.

I mow the front yard and come in, she says "i want to ask you a question". OK..."do you remember telling me 15 years ago that you didn't want to adopt a kid because you were afraid the birth mother would come into the picture?" (second marriage for us - i brought in two boys ages 4 and 6) who she helped raise in joint custody.

I don't deny it, but couldn't remember so i told her that if she remembered that, i trust that I did. So she brings up resentment toward me for saying that. She's never been able to get pregnant and we tried fertility. She's never said that to me before.

I said that if she has resentment toward me we should go to counselling and talk about it..and she said ok....with tears she said she wanted to be alone right now, so here I am.

We've had/have a good marriage. She doesn't want to be confronted about her drinking so she brings up the past. Makes me tired. Thanks all.

I'm going to find a group for the first time also. Man am I tired.

Pelican

I'm sorry, ((((hugs))))

It may be that she is justifying that entire 4 pack. She wants a reason to polish it off or at least most of it. She is manipulating you and blaming you for your decision years ago. If it was so important to her then, she would have brought it up repeatedly. Nagged you to no end to get what she wanted.

Please be gentle with yourself. I don't think you deserved the guilt trip, especially after doing the mowing!!

tjp613

Yep...what Pelican said!!

coyote21

What Pelican said, and man do I remember "that" kind of tired. It just sucked the life outta me.

AlAnon helped me decide what I needed, and how to go about getting it. Now when I'm tired, it's the good kind.

Life is much better over here on the other side.

Good luck.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

sailorjohn

Welcome!!!

They say when you get tired enough, things will change.
I believe that to be true.

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.

transformyself

Give me a stinking break. That's the best she can come up with? You're really making her work to justify her drinking.

Jadmack25

If that was such a sticking point for her, trust me you would have heard it many times before now. My A would bring up the same whinge about the same thing, every time he got to a particular stage of drunkeness, and if in not so good mood.
Funny thing was, that what he kept on about was something that I never remember happening, and also it was something I could not see me doing in a fit.

I put it all down to justifying to themselves and others, that they have reasons to drink, and to take their problem and put it onto our shoulders.

Frankly I no longer wear that s**t as a shawl anymore.

God bless