lstrait

Hi, new to chatting on line, but willing to try anything. Have attended local Al-Anon meetings, but didn't go well. My husband, my A, is well known and found out and had a cow. He seems out of control. His mood swings are like a roller coaster ride. He refuses to touch me or even acknowledge me as his companion, UNLESS we are in public. He doesn't respond to tears, anger or ignoring him. I feel so out of control that I want to go out with him. I was a teenage alcoholic and I don't want to get into the trap again. I just need some guidance from someone that isn't influenced by our name.

I appreciate all responses.

God Bless.

ariesgirl

This sounds so much like my situation. My husband and I are both somewhat well known in our community and he is active in politics. We frequently go to fund raisers, etc., and in public we are "the perfect couple." I hate it, and only recently have stopped pretending. Not that I make a scene, or anything like that, I just don't go to the lengths I used to in pretending that we are so in love and together. My husband never touches me at home, and most of the time I feel like he doesn't even like me.

I started facing my own problems with co-dependency and my husband's alcoholism with a private counselor, in one-on-one sessions. That is where I felt safest, because it was just me and the counselor, and I was secure in the knowledge that I had therapist-patient confidentiality and privilege. Eventually, I found an Al-Anon meeting I felt safe with, although I spent a good deal of time listening before I finally spoke up myself. By the time I spoke up, I trusted the people I was with to keep my confidences and not judge me or my husband. I still have a harder time with Al-Anon that with private counseling, but I realize now that no one at Al-Anon cares who I am or who my husband is, they just see me as someone trying to get help for a serious problem.

My husband also reacted badly to my attendance at Al-Anon -- counseling was more acceptable to him because it seemed more like my problem, less to do with him. My attendance at Al-Anon, I believe, has forced him to think about whether he has a problem with alcohol. I just keep telling him that I am trying to deal with my problems and that I would not force him to do anything himself, but by the same token, he cannot force me to stop getting help for my problems.

I'm sure it is different for everyone, and I wish you the best of luck in finding a way to get the help you want/need. Hang in there!

constant

Welcome Istrait,

Glad that you found us here! I believe that even though most of us don't have high profile marriages that there is still a lot of putting on fronts for the rest of the world. Everything looks perfect from the outside, but on the inside it is a nightmare.

I encourage you to start working on your happiness by working on yourself......however you feel comfortable beginning. Coming here, private counseling, al-anon or literature or all the above, but you hold the key to your happiness.

Blessings
Constant

countrygirl

Being here will help you a lot and eliminates some of the local concerns. I'm really glad you are pursuing what you need for yourself. The future may bring more help but you have here for right away.

There is only one meeting in our town, at night, and I am afraid of driving in the dark - oh, well, I do when I have to.

Blessings

JT

I am sorry Alanon did not work for you.

I know a man who is high up in the school system and he just found meetings in another town. I have attended Alanon for some time and no one cares who you are and annonymity, from everything I saw, was honored.

You say you "were" an alcoholic? What have you done to stay sober if you are? Living with his active alcoholism can't be good for you.

We all need lives, including you. You can begin to make one for yourself while you sort out what to do.

Hugs,
JT