Linkmeister

....that I never knew I had and ended it with exABF 2 nights ago. His drinking escalated when I started work (after 5 months of looking) and it has gone downhill since then.

A little background-we have been together for close to 2 years-some of it a long distance relationship - spent time together last summer and then I moved cross country to be with him. Denial played a big part in my refusal to see his alcoholism as after his 2nd stint in rehab and getting work, things seemed to be getting on track.

Since then, there have been 2 relapses, his refusal to deal with his drinking and finally, the catalyst was the other night when he threatened me and my dog. I had to take time off work (my second week no less) to come home and make sure that my dog was OK.

Here's the cycle after I broke it off for good: First, the remorseful apologetic, loving guy trying to hug and kiss and cuddle. That didn't work. Then, the "I love You's" and "Cant live without you's" started. That didn't work. I still kept saying it was over. I would leave the room and he would follow. After that didn't work, the verbal abuse started-the name calling, the threats and by this time, he was so drunk, he could barely make it to bed. Then, he goes for detox meds and those don't seem to be working at all as tonight, he comes home with three LARGE BOTTLES of brandy, a case of beer and a chip on his shoulder. The cycle starts all over again with the loving, the cuddling and the attempts to have me go to bed with him.

That does not work, so the name calling and abuse starts and I tell him that it's over, he has to pack his stuff up and get out. Well, that set him right off and he laughed when I called the police. He laughed as they talked to him and made a snide comment to me in front of the officer who told him that if he kept it up, he would be spending the night in jail. Since there was only the threat of violence and no actual physical violence, the police had to let him go. So, I lock the doors, windows and the like and he comes back, banging hard on the door, demanding to go to bed. Told him he was not coming in the house. Then, he tries to force his way in - I had the door locked and barricaded and called 9-1-1 again-the officers came with lights and sirens and took him away. He wasn't laughing then.

So, what do I face tomorrow? Him coming back for his stuff (all packed up) under police escort. Funny thing-he is working and agreed to work tomorrow-I don't think he will make it somehow, but that's not my concern.

Tomorrow, I change the locks and get a restraining order.

I'm feeling strangely calm in spite of what happened tonight as I realize that I'm no longer living in chaos. I don't know if I'll sleep tonight but if I do, I can sleep realizing that I won't have to wake up to that stale beer smell that is through the house, nor do I have to wait and wonder when he will be home and how drunk he will be.

Al-Anon, SR, the Co-Dependent series and some friends - old and new have helped keep my sanity and have given me new coping skills to get through this. Even though I am in a city across the country , I found that by not hiding what is going on, I found support from 2 co-workers-they have been on the phone and have offered me dog-sitting services while I'm working. My upstairs neighbor has been going through something similar, as have my co-workers and having people who have been there helps me so very much.

As awful as this situation is, I see the good in people who are there to listen, to help, to support me. For that, I am truly grateful.

sandrawg

It's amazing isn't it, when you're going through this, you think you're alone...but then you find out how awfully common what we've all been through really is. It's too bad-I wish we were more unique.

You sound very courageous. You're doing well!!

Pelican

((((Linkmeister))))

I hope you are able to get some rest. Hugs to you and your furry mate!

Linkmeister

Thanks for the hugs, Pelican. I did manage to get some sleep with my furry child snuggled in next to me. In fact, he is still sleeping.

I'm still feeling pretty calm, having a coffee, not having to tiptoe around here in order not to wake up the XABF who used to complain that I was too "noisy" in the morning.

I had planned on going to my Al-Anon group but will have to wait till XABF and his police escort come to get his stuff. That and arrange for my new locks and cable/phone account (it's in his right now) but I'll get through this day.

sandrawg-I feel like the Wizard of Oz's Cowardly Lion-always afraid but finally realizing realizing that the courage laid within me and it was just a matter of standing up for myself.