Alone for the rest of the weekend
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Portland, OR
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Alone for the rest of the weekend
RASTBXH (recovering alcoholic soon-to-be-ex-husband - how's that for an acronym?) took our girls camping this morning. They won't be back until tomorrow afternoon. I am so happy to have some alone time. Yippee!
Today I am cleaning the entire house and doing laundry, then going for a long walk, then fixing myself a salmon dinner (no one else likes salmon), then taking a long bath, then settling in for some quality Saturday night TV (haha).
Tomorrow I am going to go for another walk and get a lot of work done.
It's so nice, because my 3yo is so needy and I have been sleep deprived for over 3 years. H (for sake of brevity) has never been able to be a nighttime parent because of alcohol and then just plain old not wanting to help. Tonight, I sleep. Ahhh... I think I will be able to get used to this "alone time" thing that comes with divorce.
In other good news, I took my 10yo dd on a date last night. We ate at a fancy restaurant and saw a movie. It's so funny how I've been wanting H to be the person who took me on perfect dates, when I had the perfect little date here all the time! She loves trying new food and seeing chick flicks! My perfect match! So we're going to make it a regular thing.
H threw quite the fit while getting ready this morning. You know the stress that a lot of people get when you're trying to scramble to get ready and your kids are whining at you? It happens to me too, and H always criticized me for it, saying that I reminded him of his Dad, who is a total a-hole. It really always made me feel like a monster. He cited that as one of his reasons for wanting a divorce - that I remind him of his Dad when I get edgy about stuff like that. Of course, his Dad would go beyond edgy and well over the line into abuse. Well, today H was ranting and raving sarcastically about how much fun this was going to be, saying that he just wanted to go by himself, getting irritated anytime he heard, "Daddy!" It was much worse than anything I've ever said or done in this situation. The scene made me realize that his criticism of me is really just rooted in his own fear of being like his Dad. He's a lot more like his Dad than he'd like to believe, but he's going to have to forgive his Dad and himself if he's ever going to be able to be happy. It's just interesting to note that I don't have such a visceral negative reaction to hearing him get frustrated. In my mind, getting ready to go camping with small children is a frustrating thing. But because of his memories of camping trips being ruined by his Dad's mood swings and abuse, it is a huge trigger for him to hear someone else doing it, although he can't really hear himself.
Today I am cleaning the entire house and doing laundry, then going for a long walk, then fixing myself a salmon dinner (no one else likes salmon), then taking a long bath, then settling in for some quality Saturday night TV (haha).
Tomorrow I am going to go for another walk and get a lot of work done.
It's so nice, because my 3yo is so needy and I have been sleep deprived for over 3 years. H (for sake of brevity) has never been able to be a nighttime parent because of alcohol and then just plain old not wanting to help. Tonight, I sleep. Ahhh... I think I will be able to get used to this "alone time" thing that comes with divorce.
In other good news, I took my 10yo dd on a date last night. We ate at a fancy restaurant and saw a movie. It's so funny how I've been wanting H to be the person who took me on perfect dates, when I had the perfect little date here all the time! She loves trying new food and seeing chick flicks! My perfect match! So we're going to make it a regular thing.
H threw quite the fit while getting ready this morning. You know the stress that a lot of people get when you're trying to scramble to get ready and your kids are whining at you? It happens to me too, and H always criticized me for it, saying that I reminded him of his Dad, who is a total a-hole. It really always made me feel like a monster. He cited that as one of his reasons for wanting a divorce - that I remind him of his Dad when I get edgy about stuff like that. Of course, his Dad would go beyond edgy and well over the line into abuse. Well, today H was ranting and raving sarcastically about how much fun this was going to be, saying that he just wanted to go by himself, getting irritated anytime he heard, "Daddy!" It was much worse than anything I've ever said or done in this situation. The scene made me realize that his criticism of me is really just rooted in his own fear of being like his Dad. He's a lot more like his Dad than he'd like to believe, but he's going to have to forgive his Dad and himself if he's ever going to be able to be happy. It's just interesting to note that I don't have such a visceral negative reaction to hearing him get frustrated. In my mind, getting ready to go camping with small children is a frustrating thing. But because of his memories of camping trips being ruined by his Dad's mood swings and abuse, it is a huge trigger for him to hear someone else doing it, although he can't really hear himself.
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