Anger towards alcohol and pot
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,636
For many people it is "nothing and not a problem." There are people who can have a drink and/or smoke a joint and have it not be problem. There are people who can get a little high or slightly tipsy and do silly things and have it not be hurtful to anyone or break any laws or be any kind of problem.
That's just the way it is.
Most people on this site are probably hyper-sensitive to these issues -- but as far as I can tell, that is our problem, not the problem of the people in this world who can truly enjoy these things on a recreational level themselves and who have not had any traumtizing experiences involving alcohol and people they love or care about.
Since I've been in Al Anon and been around a lot of Al Anon and AA people, this has become a very tricky issue for me. I know I am hyper-sensitive to it. I know I give way too much thought to if and when and how much I can drink and around whom. It's actually pretty ridiculous. I am not an alcoholic and have never drunk alcoholically....so what is the big deal???? The big deal is simply that I spend hours and hours every week at meetings and in other situations in which I am working with people whose lives have been negatively impacted by alcoholism...It is my perception of reality that is skewed here and that will be causing me problems unless I consciously and actively take corrective action...It's not really a good or healthy or sane thing for me to be seeing things and acting from a place of extreme fear and loathing of alcohol or to be projecting hideous alcoholic trauma and damage onto others who may or may not have a problem......and, whose problem, even if they were to have one, is none of my business.
Really, for me it's definitely true that sanity in this area comes down to keeping the focus on myself and what's right for me and what I need to do to take care of myself.......and doing that in a way that doesn't require me to be judging other people, or projecting things onto them, or trying to protect them from themselves, or manipulating them into behaving in a way that (I imagine) would make me more comfortable and make my life easier.
freya
That's just the way it is.
Most people on this site are probably hyper-sensitive to these issues -- but as far as I can tell, that is our problem, not the problem of the people in this world who can truly enjoy these things on a recreational level themselves and who have not had any traumtizing experiences involving alcohol and people they love or care about.
Since I've been in Al Anon and been around a lot of Al Anon and AA people, this has become a very tricky issue for me. I know I am hyper-sensitive to it. I know I give way too much thought to if and when and how much I can drink and around whom. It's actually pretty ridiculous. I am not an alcoholic and have never drunk alcoholically....so what is the big deal???? The big deal is simply that I spend hours and hours every week at meetings and in other situations in which I am working with people whose lives have been negatively impacted by alcoholism...It is my perception of reality that is skewed here and that will be causing me problems unless I consciously and actively take corrective action...It's not really a good or healthy or sane thing for me to be seeing things and acting from a place of extreme fear and loathing of alcohol or to be projecting hideous alcoholic trauma and damage onto others who may or may not have a problem......and, whose problem, even if they were to have one, is none of my business.
Really, for me it's definitely true that sanity in this area comes down to keeping the focus on myself and what's right for me and what I need to do to take care of myself.......and doing that in a way that doesn't require me to be judging other people, or projecting things onto them, or trying to protect them from themselves, or manipulating them into behaving in a way that (I imagine) would make me more comfortable and make my life easier.
freya
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Middle of the U.S.
Posts: 85
I came out of my alcoholic marriage hypersensitive as well. My opinion is that it's a natural, normal reaction to the trauma and/or constant disappointment one experiences while in a relationship with an alcoholic.
I've made a conscious effort to not let myself get filled with anxiety in situations where people are drinking and feel like I've made progress, although I still feel irritated when adults speak joyfully about getting drunk. Being on the cr@p end of someone else's drunkeness will do that to you!
I will say it's been a relief to see there are other people in the world who can drink in moderation and without exposing a hideous alter ego.
I've made a conscious effort to not let myself get filled with anxiety in situations where people are drinking and feel like I've made progress, although I still feel irritated when adults speak joyfully about getting drunk. Being on the cr@p end of someone else's drunkeness will do that to you!
I will say it's been a relief to see there are other people in the world who can drink in moderation and without exposing a hideous alter ego.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
In my mind (a cluttered place at best) I see myself separating out different types of drinkers:
-Alcoholics (loud and abusive)
-Alcoholics (quiet and troubled)
-Social drinkers who think it's weird or impossible to have fun without alcohol
-Social drinkers who laugh/brag about how hammered they got when (insert occasion)
-Social drinkers who can take it or leave it, and don't see getting drunk as a medal of honor
I have no one in my circle of friends except those who fall into the last category. I myself fall in there. The rest just make me queasy...and I sense they always will.
I don't worship at the altar of alcohol, but I'm also not kneejerk angry any more whenever someone chooses to include alcohol in their entertainment plans (I was at one time) I just watch and act accordingly, making sure I stay in my comfort zone. But for folks like us who have been through so much trauma, that takes time and patience...years, in my case.
-Alcoholics (loud and abusive)
-Alcoholics (quiet and troubled)
-Social drinkers who think it's weird or impossible to have fun without alcohol
-Social drinkers who laugh/brag about how hammered they got when (insert occasion)
-Social drinkers who can take it or leave it, and don't see getting drunk as a medal of honor
I have no one in my circle of friends except those who fall into the last category. I myself fall in there. The rest just make me queasy...and I sense they always will.
I don't worship at the altar of alcohol, but I'm also not kneejerk angry any more whenever someone chooses to include alcohol in their entertainment plans (I was at one time) I just watch and act accordingly, making sure I stay in my comfort zone. But for folks like us who have been through so much trauma, that takes time and patience...years, in my case.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I was very angry with it until I realized alcohol is doing nothing, its just sitting there, and the person who hurt me did so because of who he is. The alcohol never made him do or say anything abusive, it was HIM.
I too hear people talking about a drunken event and I roll my eyes but I can let them be now. As long as you hear your inner voice and know when there is discomfort, you are good. You can talk with someone else, start a different topic, walk away, stop contact with the person or stop any activity related to it... at least for now...
I agree with the above poster that says its natural to feel that way, we relate it to lots of hurt, but there are instances where I enjoy a drink in totally different contexts. It would not be fair to me to avoid a piņa colada in the beach with my sister just because a jerk somewhere abuses alcohol AND people. Alcohol is not the cause of hurt, people are...
I too hear people talking about a drunken event and I roll my eyes but I can let them be now. As long as you hear your inner voice and know when there is discomfort, you are good. You can talk with someone else, start a different topic, walk away, stop contact with the person or stop any activity related to it... at least for now...
I agree with the above poster that says its natural to feel that way, we relate it to lots of hurt, but there are instances where I enjoy a drink in totally different contexts. It would not be fair to me to avoid a piņa colada in the beach with my sister just because a jerk somewhere abuses alcohol AND people. Alcohol is not the cause of hurt, people are...
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