can ah keep drinking under control
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: eastern pa
Posts: 51
well i just got off the phone with him ( i am at work) a friend he made while in psych inst. has been in contact with him. both are irritable since being out and he has invited him to our home to stay for alittle. this is a stranger to me and actually my husband. this friend lives an hour away that i know nothing about. don't know if he is a drinker also, but i am not thrilled about this. i must say my husband seems in better spirits all of a sudden.
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tampa, Florida
Posts: 108
I just want second Stillwater here. I found that I was more in love with the idea of my XABF more than who he really was. I was in denial of this up until just recently when I started taking a mental inventory of our entire relationship. I wanted to get married more than BE married to HIM.
My ex also tried the two beers a day thing. I was proud of him until day 4 when he was back up to a 6 pack. That's when I left. He had tried quitting twice, replacing it with weed and finally moderation. When none of that worked I knew he wasn't serious about quitting.
My ex also tried the two beers a day thing. I was proud of him until day 4 when he was back up to a 6 pack. That's when I left. He had tried quitting twice, replacing it with weed and finally moderation. When none of that worked I knew he wasn't serious about quitting.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Originally Posted by Freedom1990 
Go over to the ACOA board and read how affected people are from growing up in an alcoholic home:
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I can say without reservation that the other people that consistently broke down crying at each and every meeting were the adult children of alcoholics.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Originally Posted by justanothrdrunk
Again, if he's like me, then no he will never get control.
It's said in the Big Book of AA that thing the alcoholic wants more than anything else is to be able to drink normally. So I guess it's common to think this way - that if I really apply myself (or somesuch), then I should be able to handle it.
This begs the question, do "normal people" (non-alcholics) need to really apply themselves to the concept of drinking normally, or does it just come sort of naturally? I say that they don't. They don't give it a second thought. It's the alcoholic who focuses so much on alcohol that it's an obsession.
It's said in the Big Book of AA that thing the alcoholic wants more than anything else is to be able to drink normally. So I guess it's common to think this way - that if I really apply myself (or somesuch), then I should be able to handle it.
This begs the question, do "normal people" (non-alcholics) need to really apply themselves to the concept of drinking normally, or does it just come sort of naturally? I say that they don't. They don't give it a second thought. It's the alcoholic who focuses so much on alcohol that it's an obsession.
Self delusion and denial
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
he has invited him to our home to stay
Big red flag!!
Is this "our" home or "his" home? Was your husband asking your permission as his partner in life, or telling you as he expects you to accept this without question.
I've got questions! Does this person have a criminal record? Does this person have a record as a pedophile? Did your husband run a background check or accept his word and intuition?
You have children in this home. They need to be sheltered and protected.
If this guy is a friend of your husband and they need to support each other, they can do it at the guy's house, right? Let your husband get the support he needs over there.
Do you have a safe deposit box? I'd lock up everything of value and take the kids on a little vacation away from home for a few days.
This is setting off my personal flags. I recently moved with my children. My sister graciously offered to assist with my move by coming 1,000 miles to help. Later she informs me she is bringing her man friend. Now she has told me every dirty rotten thing about this man over the last 6 months and wants to break off the relationship. But because of how unhealthy this relationship is, she wants to keep him under her control and bring him with her to assist with my move. I freaked. I set boundaries. He stays one night at the old house on the air mattress. He stays at a hotel after the move and not in my new apartment. I kept all my valuables in the safe deposit box and moved them a month later. I did not leave him alone with my children!
He was a nice guy, and I appreciated his assistance. I am also glad I stood up for myself and my children. You are responsible for taking care of you and your children. They deserve one sane parent.
Big red flag!!
Is this "our" home or "his" home? Was your husband asking your permission as his partner in life, or telling you as he expects you to accept this without question.
I've got questions! Does this person have a criminal record? Does this person have a record as a pedophile? Did your husband run a background check or accept his word and intuition?
You have children in this home. They need to be sheltered and protected.
If this guy is a friend of your husband and they need to support each other, they can do it at the guy's house, right? Let your husband get the support he needs over there.
Do you have a safe deposit box? I'd lock up everything of value and take the kids on a little vacation away from home for a few days.
This is setting off my personal flags. I recently moved with my children. My sister graciously offered to assist with my move by coming 1,000 miles to help. Later she informs me she is bringing her man friend. Now she has told me every dirty rotten thing about this man over the last 6 months and wants to break off the relationship. But because of how unhealthy this relationship is, she wants to keep him under her control and bring him with her to assist with my move. I freaked. I set boundaries. He stays one night at the old house on the air mattress. He stays at a hotel after the move and not in my new apartment. I kept all my valuables in the safe deposit box and moved them a month later. I did not leave him alone with my children!
He was a nice guy, and I appreciated his assistance. I am also glad I stood up for myself and my children. You are responsible for taking care of you and your children. They deserve one sane parent.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
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Just how does an alcoholic control their drinking?
By only drinking one six pack a day?
By drinking only 3 margaritas a day instead of 4?
We all know that when we are drinking, we are then out of control. So, how does one control the uncontrolable?
By only drinking one six pack a day?
By drinking only 3 margaritas a day instead of 4?
We all know that when we are drinking, we are then out of control. So, how does one control the uncontrolable?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: eastern pa
Posts: 51
I do not know a thing about this guy. If he does show up I will be going somewhere with my children. My AH has not been feeling well since he came home. Has had a headache since Monday, has had a couple of beers so not sure what is wrong. Will see what today brings. I think I am going to start looking for my own place, think it is time he does what he needs to do, either get help or stay an alcoholic. Just not happy anymore but I still love him deeply.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: eastern pa
Posts: 51
Well I finally left. After AH came home from institue the whole week he was miserable. My children were on edge and he was still drinking. I left Friday night. The kids seem better but I am having a hard time. I miss him for some reason. I almost feel like I made a mistake. His friend that he met in the institue is at our house now. He got there last night. I have talked to my AH and he is back to the " I can't stand myself". What do I do?
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