did any of you feel this way?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Nanticoke, PA
Posts: 9
did any of you feel this way?
okay so i went ahead and found an al-anon meeting in my area. But, i'm terrified to go b/c i'm afraid that everyone else there will feel like my problems aren't as bad as i think they are. Does this make any sense whatsoever?
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: ohio
Posts: 322
Buttercup
I was scared the first time (most of us are) but my fear of living
the way I was out did that fear.
Go on in-you will never be sorry and I think you'll be made
to feel quite at home. It has become my family of choice.
hugs
liddy
I was scared the first time (most of us are) but my fear of living
the way I was out did that fear.
Go on in-you will never be sorry and I think you'll be made
to feel quite at home. It has become my family of choice.
hugs
liddy
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 31
Buttercup...
One thing I've found out about the rooms of Alanon and AA...no one is judged. Honesty is all that is required in those rooms. After your first meeting you will feel right at home.
For me it was I knew I had to go or I was going to breakdown...do this for you.
One thing I've found out about the rooms of Alanon and AA...no one is judged. Honesty is all that is required in those rooms. After your first meeting you will feel right at home.
For me it was I knew I had to go or I was going to breakdown...do this for you.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
BC
It is almost good that you feel that way, because when you get there you will find it sooo opposite that you will be instantly relieved.
The rooms are full of wonderful people, just like you and just like us. They will welcome you no matter how wonderful or terrible your life has been.
You don't have to participate or share until you are comfortable and no one will judge you. You can just listen, or if you choose you can share away - the choice is yours. My first 3 or 4 meetings I just cried. Couldn't get the words out and I just sat there sobbing. The tissues were passed, and hugs were everywhere and I never looked back. A wonderful woman (who is now my sponsor) shared a story so similar to mine and when I saw the peace and serenity she had, I knew I wanted it too.
It's a fellowship of codependents all there to offer support, strength, hope and experience and I promise that you will find it very friendly and welcoming.
There is nothing to fear - I promise.
Hugs
Ann
It is almost good that you feel that way, because when you get there you will find it sooo opposite that you will be instantly relieved.
The rooms are full of wonderful people, just like you and just like us. They will welcome you no matter how wonderful or terrible your life has been.
You don't have to participate or share until you are comfortable and no one will judge you. You can just listen, or if you choose you can share away - the choice is yours. My first 3 or 4 meetings I just cried. Couldn't get the words out and I just sat there sobbing. The tissues were passed, and hugs were everywhere and I never looked back. A wonderful woman (who is now my sponsor) shared a story so similar to mine and when I saw the peace and serenity she had, I knew I wanted it too.
It's a fellowship of codependents all there to offer support, strength, hope and experience and I promise that you will find it very friendly and welcoming.
There is nothing to fear - I promise.
Hugs
Ann
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: El Cajon, CA
Posts: 88
Buttercup,
I just went to my first meeting on Monday night. I was terrified to go and started looking at excuses not too (too tired, etc...) But I went anyway and I am glad I did. I just had to force myself too and once I was there and we started sharing, it was such an open experience with no judgements at all and there were hugs at the end for everyone.
Just get up the courage to go and I think you will be surprised at what you will find. It's very easy for us to talk ourselves out of it. We can always tell ourselves it's really not that bad or we can handle it, but we are just fooling ourselves. The only real effective way to start changing yourself is to admit you need help and to then to seek it.
I hope you are able to do this. Please let us know how it goes and if nothing else - keep coming back here.
Hugs,
Kitkat
I just went to my first meeting on Monday night. I was terrified to go and started looking at excuses not too (too tired, etc...) But I went anyway and I am glad I did. I just had to force myself too and once I was there and we started sharing, it was such an open experience with no judgements at all and there were hugs at the end for everyone.
Just get up the courage to go and I think you will be surprised at what you will find. It's very easy for us to talk ourselves out of it. We can always tell ourselves it's really not that bad or we can handle it, but we are just fooling ourselves. The only real effective way to start changing yourself is to admit you need help and to then to seek it.
I hope you are able to do this. Please let us know how it goes and if nothing else - keep coming back here.
Hugs,
Kitkat
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Hi BC,
It literally took me weeks before I got the courage to attend my first meeting. But when I finally did, it was like coming home. I could relate to everyone and they all could relate to me. You don't have to speak the first day, although I was bursting by the time I went! When the time is right, you'll go.
Hugs,
JG
It literally took me weeks before I got the courage to attend my first meeting. But when I finally did, it was like coming home. I could relate to everyone and they all could relate to me. You don't have to speak the first day, although I was bursting by the time I went! When the time is right, you'll go.
Hugs,
JG
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Levittown Pennsylvania
Posts: 264
living with an A is not the same for all
I did find at my first meeting that I did not relate with ALL the stories I heard. I learned that this disease can effect different people in different ways.
I felt a little like you about maybe my situation isn't so bad. My husband never got violent, never yelled, never disappeared for days, never had infidelities.
I wasn't dependent on him for money, I didn't have a child with him, and we were only married a year and a half (together 5 years).
But I was still miserable dealing with other issues I didn't even realize were all directly related to alcoholism. The selfishness was a big one, the manipulation and lies, the irresponsibility with money, the lack of desire to do anything that didn't involve drinking, and the going to sleep when I could use the company or help around the house.
I shared MY experiences and found that I had those in common with many of the others at the meeting. And I felt better. Instantly.
Give it a chance. I found a beginners meeting which was real nice. There are all different kinds.
I felt a little like you about maybe my situation isn't so bad. My husband never got violent, never yelled, never disappeared for days, never had infidelities.
I wasn't dependent on him for money, I didn't have a child with him, and we were only married a year and a half (together 5 years).
But I was still miserable dealing with other issues I didn't even realize were all directly related to alcoholism. The selfishness was a big one, the manipulation and lies, the irresponsibility with money, the lack of desire to do anything that didn't involve drinking, and the going to sleep when I could use the company or help around the house.
I shared MY experiences and found that I had those in common with many of the others at the meeting. And I felt better. Instantly.
Give it a chance. I found a beginners meeting which was real nice. There are all different kinds.
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Hi Buttercup,
Trust me... How "horrible" (or NOT horrible) your situation is has NO bearing on whether you qualify for an Alanon meeting. In fact, there are members who have no "active" A in their lives at all anymore, but these people feel that they gain a great deal from working their own program in Alanon... At one point in time someone they love was effected by Alcoholism, and THEY were effected also... This is all that is required. They won't ask you to compare any notes at all
Take care, and hope you make the decision to go!
Meg
Trust me... How "horrible" (or NOT horrible) your situation is has NO bearing on whether you qualify for an Alanon meeting. In fact, there are members who have no "active" A in their lives at all anymore, but these people feel that they gain a great deal from working their own program in Alanon... At one point in time someone they love was effected by Alcoholism, and THEY were effected also... This is all that is required. They won't ask you to compare any notes at all
Take care, and hope you make the decision to go!
Meg
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