He told his friends that I slept with him.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 146
He told his friends that I slept with him.
When I'm a virgin and the whole reason he and I fought all the time was because we weren't having sex. My friends kept telling me that if he really cared about me, he would be happy to wait, but I didn't listen.
I made a mistake and took him back even after realizing that I was in an abusive relationship and that this man didn't care about me. He won me back on my birthday with the famous "hearts and flowers" campain. I was going NC with him for a long time not answering his calls or texts but I broke down after speaking to him at work after not seeing him for a week. I still wanted to hear his sweet words, I wanted to hear that he missed me and that he was sorry. He told me everything I wanted to hear. Ironically, he started wooing me the moment he realized that I was going on vacation in California for a week. He hadn't had a drink in three weeks, was treating me like a queen and for a while... I really thought things were different. I believed that maybe he had only treated me the way he did because of the alcohol.
No. He treated me the way he did because he is an abusive *******. We were happy together for about a week and a half before we were having the same old fight about me being "cold", "weird" and how unsatisfied he was at the absence of sex in our relationship. How our relationship would never be "real" until I was sleeping with him. Nevermind that he had just shattered my heart two weeks before, I guess I was supposed to be over that and hopping in bed with him like nothing happened? I tried to explain to him that I needed time to regain the trust that I'd lost in him and that it would take time for me to be ready for sex. And now he is telling lies about me behind my back.
Right after he dumped me I still saw him at work everyday and he was hugging me saying hi and bye and acting like nothing was wrong. I did the same, acted like I wasn't hurt or didn't care. I didn't want him to know how much he'd hurt me. I didn't want to admitt to myself that I'd let him hurt me, again. Then the anger became too much. I couldn't pretend anymore.
I texted him last night and told him how I felt about the fact that he dumped me because I wasn't putting out, told all of his friends I DID put out and then proceed to ignore me completely. I wrote him a text telling him exactly how I felt about it all and he texted me back.
'You're a dense ******* spaz. All that thinking and you couldn't figure this out. I NEEDED YOU AND YOU WEREN'T THERE FOR ME. Lose my ******* number.'
He started drinking again the night he dumped me. I have no words. I just need help.
I made a mistake and took him back even after realizing that I was in an abusive relationship and that this man didn't care about me. He won me back on my birthday with the famous "hearts and flowers" campain. I was going NC with him for a long time not answering his calls or texts but I broke down after speaking to him at work after not seeing him for a week. I still wanted to hear his sweet words, I wanted to hear that he missed me and that he was sorry. He told me everything I wanted to hear. Ironically, he started wooing me the moment he realized that I was going on vacation in California for a week. He hadn't had a drink in three weeks, was treating me like a queen and for a while... I really thought things were different. I believed that maybe he had only treated me the way he did because of the alcohol.
No. He treated me the way he did because he is an abusive *******. We were happy together for about a week and a half before we were having the same old fight about me being "cold", "weird" and how unsatisfied he was at the absence of sex in our relationship. How our relationship would never be "real" until I was sleeping with him. Nevermind that he had just shattered my heart two weeks before, I guess I was supposed to be over that and hopping in bed with him like nothing happened? I tried to explain to him that I needed time to regain the trust that I'd lost in him and that it would take time for me to be ready for sex. And now he is telling lies about me behind my back.
Right after he dumped me I still saw him at work everyday and he was hugging me saying hi and bye and acting like nothing was wrong. I did the same, acted like I wasn't hurt or didn't care. I didn't want him to know how much he'd hurt me. I didn't want to admitt to myself that I'd let him hurt me, again. Then the anger became too much. I couldn't pretend anymore.
I texted him last night and told him how I felt about the fact that he dumped me because I wasn't putting out, told all of his friends I DID put out and then proceed to ignore me completely. I wrote him a text telling him exactly how I felt about it all and he texted me back.
'You're a dense ******* spaz. All that thinking and you couldn't figure this out. I NEEDED YOU AND YOU WEREN'T THERE FOR ME. Lose my ******* number.'
He started drinking again the night he dumped me. I have no words. I just need help.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Wow!
You are really lucky to be rid of a selfish, lying jerk!
When I was younger, boys pressured me and I did not put out. It is in some of their mindsets that they must sleep with a girl to feel like a man. It speaks to a total lack of security on their part and disrespect for you. You dodged a bullet even though it might not seem like it.
Men like that are out for one thing and will be on to the next woman and the next....
Not all men are like that. I have dated some wonderful guys who never pressured me. And then, once or twice I was the pressurer and needed to check myself. It is all about respecting the other person's boundaries. Some people just aren't compatible and that is really good to know early on.
Wait until YOU are ready and with someone you really care about and who treats you with respect. When you are comfortable, you will know.
I hope you feel better. Men who pressure women for sex are controlling jerks and not worth your time.
Miss
You are really lucky to be rid of a selfish, lying jerk!
When I was younger, boys pressured me and I did not put out. It is in some of their mindsets that they must sleep with a girl to feel like a man. It speaks to a total lack of security on their part and disrespect for you. You dodged a bullet even though it might not seem like it.
Men like that are out for one thing and will be on to the next woman and the next....
Not all men are like that. I have dated some wonderful guys who never pressured me. And then, once or twice I was the pressurer and needed to check myself. It is all about respecting the other person's boundaries. Some people just aren't compatible and that is really good to know early on.
Wait until YOU are ready and with someone you really care about and who treats you with respect. When you are comfortable, you will know.
I hope you feel better. Men who pressure women for sex are controlling jerks and not worth your time.
Miss
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Needing help is a good thing! When I finally recognized that I needed help because I kept making the same painful mistakes over and over, I started healing and finding out just who I was, hon! :ghug
Please, look into some counseling, Alanon, any avenue that can help you pick up the pieces and begin to love yourself, okay?
You are a child of God, and deserving of so much more in your life! :ghug
Please, look into some counseling, Alanon, any avenue that can help you pick up the pieces and begin to love yourself, okay?
You are a child of God, and deserving of so much more in your life! :ghug
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
I hope I don't sound cold and unfeeling, but I think you're lucky to get rid of him now as opposed to later. Lucky you didn't fall for his lines and his lies and end up pregnant or worse.
I too suggest counseling, AlAnon, anything to help you mend your broken heart and get back to loving and caring for yourself. I know the hurt is overwhelming you right now, but believe me, it could be a lot worse. Better you should see the truth sooner rather than later.
:ghug3
I too suggest counseling, AlAnon, anything to help you mend your broken heart and get back to loving and caring for yourself. I know the hurt is overwhelming you right now, but believe me, it could be a lot worse. Better you should see the truth sooner rather than later.
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I am 50 now...but I remember way back when....when most of my friends were having sexual experiences and I was not...and I found out my bf said we had done things we hadn't.
It hurt and I thought it dirtied my "virtue" and I felt compromised.
I wasn't. I knew the truth. And a few guys in the locker room heard some lies.
This only tells what kind of person he is......
and as you have been told, you deserve so much better.
(((((((((hugs))))))))))
It hurt and I thought it dirtied my "virtue" and I felt compromised.
I wasn't. I knew the truth. And a few guys in the locker room heard some lies.
This only tells what kind of person he is......
and as you have been told, you deserve so much better.
(((((((((hugs))))))))))
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Hotel California
Posts: 175
I'm really happy for you that you didn't give in and have sex with him.
It sounds like he is a manipulator, a user and a taker. Believe it or not but you are better off without him. Do your best to not let him have space in your mind...
I hope you start to feel better soon and that you find the right guy for you.
It sounds like he is a manipulator, a user and a taker. Believe it or not but you are better off without him. Do your best to not let him have space in your mind...
I hope you start to feel better soon and that you find the right guy for you.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi crazy4him!
Our stories are very similar - ex AH also talked about me with the common "friends" who also happen to be our coworkers. I mean, if they were his drinking buddies from all time, who cares (although of course that sucks too), but bringing harmful stuff with coworkers and people that know me? WTF? And I am the only woman among all men in our area. So you can imagine the "jokes" and comments. It was painful to remember how much we liked each other... to end up like this.
From what you tell us this is an angry guy with a miscellaneous variety of issues. I know right now it does not seem so. But after 6 months from that hell, I get and you will get it too- "te salió barato" which means it could have been wayyyyyy worse! No wedding, no kids, no finances to fight about.... right now you may need to see him due to the job, but everything changes, this may change anytime...
As another thread says "Rejection is God's Protection" and I would like for this guy to be as far from your life as possible!!!! I am glad you are no longer with him, sorry if it sounds harsh now but really, the only thing that guy has to offer is misery, to you, or any poor soul that happens to get close to him.
Pushing for sex overriding your feelings is LOW and disrespectful. I am glad you keep something that you value, imagine how angry you would be if you have had sex with this guy and the next day he sends you those messages.
I did not want to hear "there are other guys" because I wanted EX AH and EX AH only, but.. its true. There are other guys and men that are not stuck in the Neanderthal ages and reside here in year 2009.
When you start working on yourself, doing some changes, realizing what it was all about... one day you will be with a sweet guy that has your same priorities and everything will be part of the past, honest! I was the codiest heart-broken, miserable girl you could encounter on the world LOL and now a guy tells me his goal is that I am happy and OK, ACTS very protective with me... and its a wonderful feeling to be CHERISHED and VALUED!! it has NOTHING to do with a "relation" with a jerk or an addict (or both in the same package)
Although I am sad because I know you are hurting, I am also thankful with God because he is giving you another opportunity to live the kind of love you are looking for.. and instead of sadness, deceit and hurt, your heart will be filled with joy, tenderness, affection, and you will look back and know it was OK for all this to happen... to learn (perhaps for the first time) to smell the roses on your journey. A wonderful lesson.
Hugs !!
Our stories are very similar - ex AH also talked about me with the common "friends" who also happen to be our coworkers. I mean, if they were his drinking buddies from all time, who cares (although of course that sucks too), but bringing harmful stuff with coworkers and people that know me? WTF? And I am the only woman among all men in our area. So you can imagine the "jokes" and comments. It was painful to remember how much we liked each other... to end up like this.
From what you tell us this is an angry guy with a miscellaneous variety of issues. I know right now it does not seem so. But after 6 months from that hell, I get and you will get it too- "te salió barato" which means it could have been wayyyyyy worse! No wedding, no kids, no finances to fight about.... right now you may need to see him due to the job, but everything changes, this may change anytime...
As another thread says "Rejection is God's Protection" and I would like for this guy to be as far from your life as possible!!!! I am glad you are no longer with him, sorry if it sounds harsh now but really, the only thing that guy has to offer is misery, to you, or any poor soul that happens to get close to him.
Pushing for sex overriding your feelings is LOW and disrespectful. I am glad you keep something that you value, imagine how angry you would be if you have had sex with this guy and the next day he sends you those messages.
I did not want to hear "there are other guys" because I wanted EX AH and EX AH only, but.. its true. There are other guys and men that are not stuck in the Neanderthal ages and reside here in year 2009.
When you start working on yourself, doing some changes, realizing what it was all about... one day you will be with a sweet guy that has your same priorities and everything will be part of the past, honest! I was the codiest heart-broken, miserable girl you could encounter on the world LOL and now a guy tells me his goal is that I am happy and OK, ACTS very protective with me... and its a wonderful feeling to be CHERISHED and VALUED!! it has NOTHING to do with a "relation" with a jerk or an addict (or both in the same package)
Although I am sad because I know you are hurting, I am also thankful with God because he is giving you another opportunity to live the kind of love you are looking for.. and instead of sadness, deceit and hurt, your heart will be filled with joy, tenderness, affection, and you will look back and know it was OK for all this to happen... to learn (perhaps for the first time) to smell the roses on your journey. A wonderful lesson.
Hugs !!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 146
Yes, Barbara this is enough. The sight of him has never made me so sick to my stomach.
I don't know why I'm so surprised, but I am.
Thanks guys. I know I don't have a marriage or kids but this still hurts like hell.
I don't know why I'm so surprised, but I am.
Thanks guys. I know I don't have a marriage or kids but this still hurts like hell.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by Crazy4Him 
I know I don't have a marriage or kids but this still hurts like hell.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I'm sorry you are hurting so much over how you were treated by this man and how you have lost what you thought would be a wonderful relationship. :ghug3
If I may add my own POV on the whole saving yourself issue....I am divorced, but am now engaged to a WONDERFUL man who is a devout Catholic...so...no, er, physical contact for us until the wedding day. It has been a challenging and yet amazingly freeing experience for us both. I do understand your choice. He should not have pressured or harrassed you to change your mind and it speaks to his lack of compassion and maturity, not to your decision.
Be kind to yourself right now as you work through your grief over this loss! Hugs! HG
If I may add my own POV on the whole saving yourself issue....I am divorced, but am now engaged to a WONDERFUL man who is a devout Catholic...so...no, er, physical contact for us until the wedding day. It has been a challenging and yet amazingly freeing experience for us both. I do understand your choice. He should not have pressured or harrassed you to change your mind and it speaks to his lack of compassion and maturity, not to your decision.
Be kind to yourself right now as you work through your grief over this loss! Hugs! HG
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
It sucks when you see Ex AH... I saw him yesterday and I was so angry and disgusted a out the way he smiles !!!!!! the first time I saw him I decided to write about my angry feelings... the second time he was around I just left. Didn't want to hear his voice.
Bottomline, your feelings are whatever your feelings are, now how are you going to release them in non-harming ways?
Bottomline, your feelings are whatever your feelings are, now how are you going to release them in non-harming ways?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Crazy4Him
Yes, Barbara this is enough. The sight of him has never made me so sick to my stomach.
I don't know why I'm so surprised, but I am.
Thanks guys. I know I don't have a marriage or kids but this still hurts like hell.
I don't know why I'm so surprised, but I am.
Thanks guys. I know I don't have a marriage or kids but this still hurts like hell.
You deserve better. Get yourself some help. It's the greatest gift you can give yourself. :ghug :ghug
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