20 days sober today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Levittown Pennsylvania
Posts: 264
20 days sober today
My husband is on his 20th day today.
tic tic tic
Slowly each day passes with no signs of weakness or stress on his part. He sure is making it look easy. Every now and then there's a potential trigger, something that makes him think about it. But he handles it and it passes smoothly. Never even a mood swing. He just laughs about it.
He is so commited to this. I am just amazed. Truly, the lack of denial is just a complete turnaround. I can't stress the difference enough. I am stunned. He so openly talks about his problem now. And what a jerk he was. Every time I ask about something he had said or done in the past that hurt me, he carefully and patiently shows me how it all related to his desire to just drink.
No, he didn't wnat to take us to Disney World. Because you don't drink there. No, he didn't want to take me to movies, because you don't drink there. Yes, he complained I spoiled my daughter too mcuh because he wanted more money to drink and hated to see it spent ANYWHERE else. Wow, what a self-realization he is going through. I used to suspect all that, then feel guilty for thinking so badly of his motives all the time.
It is funny to see him still walk around with a can permanently in his hand, but now it is coke instead of bud. He has decided to get a workout bench and try lifting weights as a new hobby to busy his time. Seems like a neat idea, and I am amazed he came up with it by himself. Who is this man?
Actually I am amazed at all his thoughts, and interests, and observations. At conversation with him in general. He is so... coherent. So even tempered. So interesting to be with.
Dammit, he's even right quite often now. Hahahaha
Is there anyone who can share this part of the overall AH experience with me?
I feel like I am falling for my husband all over again. Really slowly, I admit, as I fear the fall if he slips. Yet this sober version is so wonderful, it is hard to not notice. He is also loving me relentlessly and spoiling me rotten. Well, most people might consider it just normal husband behavior. But after living 5 years with an active AH, having him just carry my luggage or bring me tea when I was sick is major spoiling in my life.
Just wanted to share. Feeling alone on this road right now.
tic tic tic
Slowly each day passes with no signs of weakness or stress on his part. He sure is making it look easy. Every now and then there's a potential trigger, something that makes him think about it. But he handles it and it passes smoothly. Never even a mood swing. He just laughs about it.
He is so commited to this. I am just amazed. Truly, the lack of denial is just a complete turnaround. I can't stress the difference enough. I am stunned. He so openly talks about his problem now. And what a jerk he was. Every time I ask about something he had said or done in the past that hurt me, he carefully and patiently shows me how it all related to his desire to just drink.
No, he didn't wnat to take us to Disney World. Because you don't drink there. No, he didn't want to take me to movies, because you don't drink there. Yes, he complained I spoiled my daughter too mcuh because he wanted more money to drink and hated to see it spent ANYWHERE else. Wow, what a self-realization he is going through. I used to suspect all that, then feel guilty for thinking so badly of his motives all the time.
It is funny to see him still walk around with a can permanently in his hand, but now it is coke instead of bud. He has decided to get a workout bench and try lifting weights as a new hobby to busy his time. Seems like a neat idea, and I am amazed he came up with it by himself. Who is this man?
Actually I am amazed at all his thoughts, and interests, and observations. At conversation with him in general. He is so... coherent. So even tempered. So interesting to be with.
Dammit, he's even right quite often now. Hahahaha
Is there anyone who can share this part of the overall AH experience with me?
I feel like I am falling for my husband all over again. Really slowly, I admit, as I fear the fall if he slips. Yet this sober version is so wonderful, it is hard to not notice. He is also loving me relentlessly and spoiling me rotten. Well, most people might consider it just normal husband behavior. But after living 5 years with an active AH, having him just carry my luggage or bring me tea when I was sick is major spoiling in my life.
Just wanted to share. Feeling alone on this road right now.
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Hi Jessieandme,
I'm so glad your husband is off to such a good start in his recovery. His willingness to talk about his drinking is a very good sign and I'm happy for you guys!
My husband was the same way during early recovery - excited, open, talkative. It was nice to be around him during that time.
I won't burst your bubble by going any further.
Just remember to take it one day at a time and don't forget to keep working your own program. And remember, no matter where you are on this journey, you're never alone. 
Hugs,
JG
I'm so glad your husband is off to such a good start in his recovery. His willingness to talk about his drinking is a very good sign and I'm happy for you guys!
My husband was the same way during early recovery - excited, open, talkative. It was nice to be around him during that time.
I won't burst your bubble by going any further.
Just remember to take it one day at a time and don't forget to keep working your own program. And remember, no matter where you are on this journey, you're never alone. Hugs,
JG
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 62
Jessie,
I am so happy for you, you sound very happy, enjoy One Day at a Time. I am pleased for your husband, sounds like he has had enough and truly wants a new sober life.
I wish you both happiness together, sounds like he is working hard at his programme, keep the focus on yourself and working your programme during this happy time.
Huge Hugs.
jewel
I am so happy for you, you sound very happy, enjoy One Day at a Time. I am pleased for your husband, sounds like he has had enough and truly wants a new sober life.
I wish you both happiness together, sounds like he is working hard at his programme, keep the focus on yourself and working your programme during this happy time.
Huge Hugs.
jewel
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi J&M.
I can't say Dino was a gem in early recovery. He was elsewhere for most of it and when he was here it was because he was cheating and he had that guilt thing that made him just hideous to be around. He is, however, pretty much of a gem now. Not perfection... but such a contrast to the way he was before that it's enchanting. He dropped in a couple of days ago to visit, and I actually caught myself giggling... I said giggling! at his jokes. I used to be so guarded in his presence I could barely smile and nod.
But I'm gonna echo Journey and Jewel here... be sure to keep working YOUR program. Even the winners can hit some rough spots. You don't have to ride the roller-coaster with him.... even if it's the Scooby-Doo coaster instead of the Demon Racer. Enjoy the sunshine... but don't throw our your umbrella.
Hugs!
Smoke
PS... I feel like an intruder on this thread. J&M, Journey and Jewel. It's the J thread! ummm.... j'taime Smoke?
I can't say Dino was a gem in early recovery. He was elsewhere for most of it and when he was here it was because he was cheating and he had that guilt thing that made him just hideous to be around. He is, however, pretty much of a gem now. Not perfection... but such a contrast to the way he was before that it's enchanting. He dropped in a couple of days ago to visit, and I actually caught myself giggling... I said giggling! at his jokes. I used to be so guarded in his presence I could barely smile and nod.
But I'm gonna echo Journey and Jewel here... be sure to keep working YOUR program. Even the winners can hit some rough spots. You don't have to ride the roller-coaster with him.... even if it's the Scooby-Doo coaster instead of the Demon Racer. Enjoy the sunshine... but don't throw our your umbrella.
Hugs!
Smoke
PS... I feel like an intruder on this thread. J&M, Journey and Jewel. It's the J thread! ummm.... j'taime Smoke?
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
Hey Jessie,
I am so very happy for you...keep coming back and let me know how it's going..We all need to share our experience, strength and HOPE.....A one liner for you to hang on to;
COUNT THE GOOD TIMES! IF NOTHING ELSE YOU'LL HAVE THEM TO REMEMBER instead of the painful past.
lOVE AND PRAYERS,
I am so very happy for you...keep coming back and let me know how it's going..We all need to share our experience, strength and HOPE.....A one liner for you to hang on to;
COUNT THE GOOD TIMES! IF NOTHING ELSE YOU'LL HAVE THEM TO REMEMBER instead of the painful past.
lOVE AND PRAYERS,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Levittown Pennsylvania
Posts: 264
thank you all
Thank you all for the responses. It helps to hear from others, especially those who've been through it.
I will try my best to enjoy this time without getting caught up in hoping it will last forever. That is, of course, the hardest part. He is pressing me all the time about getting back together permanently and it scares the heck out of me. I hate constantly being the one to say no and maintain some detachment when he reacts in such a hurt way to that.
But this group helps fortify my strength that I must do what is best for me, not always for him. I've done too much living for him already.
I'll keep you updated.
I will try my best to enjoy this time without getting caught up in hoping it will last forever. That is, of course, the hardest part. He is pressing me all the time about getting back together permanently and it scares the heck out of me. I hate constantly being the one to say no and maintain some detachment when he reacts in such a hurt way to that.
But this group helps fortify my strength that I must do what is best for me, not always for him. I've done too much living for him already.
I'll keep you updated.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi again J&M...
I forgot to ask you if you'd looked at the RAPS forum? (Relationships and Parenting in Sobriety) There are some cool posts in there from the now-sober and partners of the now-sober.
I forgot to ask you if you'd looked at the RAPS forum? (Relationships and Parenting in Sobriety) There are some cool posts in there from the now-sober and partners of the now-sober.
Paused
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Southern Maryland
Posts: 169
Originally posted by jessieandme2003
No, he didn't wnat to take us to Disney World. Because you don't drink there. No, he didn't want to take me to movies, because you don't drink there.
No, he didn't wnat to take us to Disney World. Because you don't drink there. No, he didn't want to take me to movies, because you don't drink there.
P.S. Glad to hear the positive news, sorry I can't share any experience about the A recovering though.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Levittown Pennsylvania
Posts: 264
Hey, Smoke, thanks for the tip, I'll go look for the RAPS forum!
Hey, Eyes, I am glad you find the info interesting. I have to admit I find it just fascinating when he talks to me about it.
I've also noticed a few times when he is talking about how all he wanted to do was drink, he says it in a way that really reveals how GREAT it felt for him. He LOVED to drink, he says. He couldn't wait to do it again, he says. Now that is something I've never felt.
So I try to equate it to something I can relate to. The one thing I think of is that I know I've made dumb decisions when infatuated with a boyfriend. Sneaking around, taking risks, missing work or school, dumb things. Lie to people when necessary, especially parents. Not care what the consequences will be if I get caught. All to have that feeling I would get when I was with him. My infatuations have defintiely been addictions, I am sure of it. The highs and lows and obsession and all.
Anyway, i'll keep posting in case you find it helpful.
Hey, Eyes, I am glad you find the info interesting. I have to admit I find it just fascinating when he talks to me about it.
I've also noticed a few times when he is talking about how all he wanted to do was drink, he says it in a way that really reveals how GREAT it felt for him. He LOVED to drink, he says. He couldn't wait to do it again, he says. Now that is something I've never felt.
So I try to equate it to something I can relate to. The one thing I think of is that I know I've made dumb decisions when infatuated with a boyfriend. Sneaking around, taking risks, missing work or school, dumb things. Lie to people when necessary, especially parents. Not care what the consequences will be if I get caught. All to have that feeling I would get when I was with him. My infatuations have defintiely been addictions, I am sure of it. The highs and lows and obsession and all.
Anyway, i'll keep posting in case you find it helpful.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 211
Yeah Jessie!
Your story is mine. I too have a husband that I have begun falling in love with all over again! We've been married for 14 years. For five years his drinking was really effecting our lives (to say the least). He has been sober for over 140 days now!!!!
I recently admitted to him that just prior to his beginning recovery I was starting to hate him. I did not look forward to weekends and actually was glad when he'd go fishing on weekends (so that he wouldn't be home). But, when he'd get home from fishing I almost wished he hadn't gone.
Those days seem so distant now. I love being around him. I really miss him at night when he is at his meetings. I have let him know that I miss him but don't want to discourage him from going.
You mentioned that your husband is occasionally right now. I can really relate to. Of course we still have our moments. We have had some small arguments. But, he listens to me now and I listen to him.
We also seem to sleep better at night. When he drank the bedroom smelled!! Some nights I would sleep in another room just to get away from the smell (and of course the snoring). When I'd return in the AM I would gag. Now I sleep in our bed, many nights currled up with him and all smells wells (odd bit of info but I felt like talking about it).
I'm really glad for both of you!!!
NoDoubt
Your story is mine. I too have a husband that I have begun falling in love with all over again! We've been married for 14 years. For five years his drinking was really effecting our lives (to say the least). He has been sober for over 140 days now!!!!
I recently admitted to him that just prior to his beginning recovery I was starting to hate him. I did not look forward to weekends and actually was glad when he'd go fishing on weekends (so that he wouldn't be home). But, when he'd get home from fishing I almost wished he hadn't gone.
Those days seem so distant now. I love being around him. I really miss him at night when he is at his meetings. I have let him know that I miss him but don't want to discourage him from going.
You mentioned that your husband is occasionally right now. I can really relate to. Of course we still have our moments. We have had some small arguments. But, he listens to me now and I listen to him.
We also seem to sleep better at night. When he drank the bedroom smelled!! Some nights I would sleep in another room just to get away from the smell (and of course the snoring). When I'd return in the AM I would gag. Now I sleep in our bed, many nights currled up with him and all smells wells (odd bit of info but I felt like talking about it).
I'm really glad for both of you!!!
NoDoubt
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Levittown Pennsylvania
Posts: 264
ah, yes, the smells
We could probably talk about quite a few ways in which the smells have improved. My husband used to be quite a gas machine along with the breath and the snoring. I agree sleeping at night is a much nicer experience! LOL!
I also like that he is more aware of his appearance and own personal cleanliness. This is a real nice change.
Congratulations to your husband for passing 140 days! That is wonderful. My husband just passed 20 and we are very proud.
I also like that he is more aware of his appearance and own personal cleanliness. This is a real nice change.
Congratulations to your husband for passing 140 days! That is wonderful. My husband just passed 20 and we are very proud.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Oh I just have to jump in on this one!! Congrats J&M I know exactly how you feel! My husband quit drinking in May and he IS very even and pleasant to be around. The conversation is great and having someone to help with the responsibilities is so nice.
I told him several weeks ago that this was the happiest I had been since we married! (15 years ago) He didn't believe me at 1st, but then he realized that we rarely even fight. 99 percent of all fights were related to or resulting from alcohol or drug use. Now there isn't anything to fight about. We see eye to eye and are on the same page!!!
I have to agree on the smell thing too. Sleeping is much more pleasant and his cologne is very nice. I am sure that he always wore it, but cigarette smoke and alcohol and sweat would cover it up. (he has quit smoking too) He has even lost 20 pounds...he is a new man.....just like your talking about.
I keep working my program and try to keep the what if's at bay. So far so good....and I will tell you that he did have a backslide, but he realized it immediately....talked about it and we have moved on. Keep working your program so you a ready IF you should need it. Hopefully not!!
Blessings, Constant
I told him several weeks ago that this was the happiest I had been since we married! (15 years ago) He didn't believe me at 1st, but then he realized that we rarely even fight. 99 percent of all fights were related to or resulting from alcohol or drug use. Now there isn't anything to fight about. We see eye to eye and are on the same page!!!
I have to agree on the smell thing too. Sleeping is much more pleasant and his cologne is very nice. I am sure that he always wore it, but cigarette smoke and alcohol and sweat would cover it up. (he has quit smoking too) He has even lost 20 pounds...he is a new man.....just like your talking about.
I keep working my program and try to keep the what if's at bay. So far so good....and I will tell you that he did have a backslide, but he realized it immediately....talked about it and we have moved on. Keep working your program so you a ready IF you should need it. Hopefully not!!
Blessings, Constant
Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 211
Constant -
Yeah for you and your husband too!!
My husband also quit smoking (a few months before he quit drinking). I also told him (just the other day) that I was happier now that I have been in over 5 years.
It's great that the stupid arguments have ended. Of course we still have an occasional argument but it's completely different now.
It's amazing.
Hope all is going well J&M
NoDoubt
Yeah for you and your husband too!!
My husband also quit smoking (a few months before he quit drinking). I also told him (just the other day) that I was happier now that I have been in over 5 years.
It's great that the stupid arguments have ended. Of course we still have an occasional argument but it's completely different now.
It's amazing.
Hope all is going well J&M
NoDoubt
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