Losing friends b/c of not drinking
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Sherwood Park
Posts: 1
Losing friends b/c of not drinking
Hello,
I am new to this sort of thing... my husband is the alcoholic and is trying his second round of full out stoping drinking, he is going about it through AA. This is the first weekend since having a big conversation with some of his friends about his problem; they said they would support him and to call if he needed them. Well, it was Friday night and of course the friend we had plans with bailed, went out drinking, and didn't call. My husband is very upset that he will lose all of his friends because he won't be drinking. That has been the only instance so far - we're going out tonight with friends, but what can I say to make him feel better?? And has anyone else gone through the lose of friends?? Will it get easier??
Thanks
I am new to this sort of thing... my husband is the alcoholic and is trying his second round of full out stoping drinking, he is going about it through AA. This is the first weekend since having a big conversation with some of his friends about his problem; they said they would support him and to call if he needed them. Well, it was Friday night and of course the friend we had plans with bailed, went out drinking, and didn't call. My husband is very upset that he will lose all of his friends because he won't be drinking. That has been the only instance so far - we're going out tonight with friends, but what can I say to make him feel better?? And has anyone else gone through the lose of friends?? Will it get easier??
Thanks
God is leading the way!!!
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 245
I sort of feel the same way, I dont have the same friends I used to and I find that people dont really want to be with me since I'm sober...Somedays I feel very sad and feel left out of what I consider to be fun... But then the weekend goes by and I hear from them and find out that they feel just as sick as I used to and that tells me that I will be alright....
You have each other stick together and you will make it through anything....
:ghug
You have each other stick together and you will make it through anything....
:ghug
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I have gone through the loss of "friends" who only saw value in me if I was getting drunk with them.
I don't need friends like that. The ones that remained formed a pure and precious collection of friends, because they were the ones who truly cared about me & my welfare, and as I kept my standards intact, I met more people who cared -- about ME, not about how fun I was when I was drunk.
The same will happen to your husband and to you. Enjoy your time with the REAL FRIENDS. Cherish these, the ones who "hang in there" even with this change of plans -- and kick the ones who don't to the curb. Hard, but hey, everything about alcoholism is hard.
Good luck!!
I don't need friends like that. The ones that remained formed a pure and precious collection of friends, because they were the ones who truly cared about me & my welfare, and as I kept my standards intact, I met more people who cared -- about ME, not about how fun I was when I was drunk.
The same will happen to your husband and to you. Enjoy your time with the REAL FRIENDS. Cherish these, the ones who "hang in there" even with this change of plans -- and kick the ones who don't to the curb. Hard, but hey, everything about alcoholism is hard.
Good luck!!
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
The "friends" I lost when I quit drinking weren't friends
The "friends" I lost when I started drinking weren't friends either
The friends I have now are real friends, and I have had them in my life anywhere from 33 years to 10 years, real friends remain real friends and real friendships certainly don't end when one gets sober.
(the truth is the quality of people in my life after I quit drinking improved dramatically)
The "friends" I lost when I started drinking weren't friends either
The friends I have now are real friends, and I have had them in my life anywhere from 33 years to 10 years, real friends remain real friends and real friendships certainly don't end when one gets sober.
(the truth is the quality of people in my life after I quit drinking improved dramatically)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
I agree totally with Ago and GiveLove - these are not real friends. I found out who my true friends were when I quit drinking.
I do have one question though. If your husband is very upset about losing friends, why isn't he the person posting?
You cannot work your husband's recovery program for him is all I am saying.
I do have one question though. If your husband is very upset about losing friends, why isn't he the person posting?
You cannot work your husband's recovery program for him is all I am saying.
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Join Date: Jun 2008
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When I stopped drinking I found out who my friends were, and who my drinking buddies were.
Drinking, to me, was a lot like living as a prisoner.
I escaped, and I do not go back to the prison to visit my 'friends'.
Some also escape and I often see them, as we enjoy freedom together.
There are thousands of excuses to be around alcohol I miss my friends), but no real reasons.
Drinking, to me, was a lot like living as a prisoner.
I escaped, and I do not go back to the prison to visit my 'friends'.
Some also escape and I often see them, as we enjoy freedom together.
There are thousands of excuses to be around alcohol I miss my friends), but no real reasons.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
Do your relationships with your friends depend on whether or not you drink? Mine don't. Just speaking for me, but if I don't drink I don't even think my friends notice. Likewise, if they didn't drink, I wouldn't think twice either. We have lots of fun and none of it depends on booze. So I don't know how valuable friendships would be that are based on booze. My DH has friends from AA. The manage to find things to do. Golf, travel, play poker, etc.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
hi whatnow
it hurts, i know. but "friend" is a tag i am no longer willing to give anyone that i happen to interact with.
a friend is with you all along, and offer the inconditional friendship you offer them.
i have found that once my priorities change, i start finding similar, healthier people, and having less contact to others that are still on the "old way" of life.
these new friendships have been fulfilling from the start.
good luck and all the best!
sandra
it hurts, i know. but "friend" is a tag i am no longer willing to give anyone that i happen to interact with.
a friend is with you all along, and offer the inconditional friendship you offer them.
i have found that once my priorities change, i start finding similar, healthier people, and having less contact to others that are still on the "old way" of life.
these new friendships have been fulfilling from the start.
good luck and all the best!
sandra
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by whatnow4908 
Hello,
I am new to this sort of thing... my husband is the alcoholic and is trying his second round of full out stoping drinking, he is going about it through AA. This is the first weekend since having a big conversation with some of his friends about his problem; they said they would support him and to call if he needed them. Well, it was Friday night and of course the friend we had plans with bailed, went out drinking, and didn't call. My husband is very upset that he will lose all of his friends because he won't be drinking. That has been the only instance so far - we're going out tonight with friends, but what can I say to make him feel better?? And has anyone else gone through the lose of friends?? Will it get easier??
Thanks
I am new to this sort of thing... my husband is the alcoholic and is trying his second round of full out stoping drinking, he is going about it through AA. This is the first weekend since having a big conversation with some of his friends about his problem; they said they would support him and to call if he needed them. Well, it was Friday night and of course the friend we had plans with bailed, went out drinking, and didn't call. My husband is very upset that he will lose all of his friends because he won't be drinking. That has been the only instance so far - we're going out tonight with friends, but what can I say to make him feel better?? And has anyone else gone through the lose of friends?? Will it get easier??
Thanks
If your husband makes an honest go at the program, he will find more real friends there than he's had in his entire life.
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