Back at home--baby steps
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 202
Back at home--baby steps
Over the last couple of days, I have tried to be a good listener. I didn't want to make any decisions based on fear, the way I always have in my life.
So I prayed and read and was quiet with myself. I went to two meetings yesterday. I came here for guidance, as always. I spent some time with AH talking and hearing what he had to say.
And in the end, I went back home with AH.
Is he cured? No.
Am I cured? No.
We admittedly are babies when it comes to recovery, but we are growing. We both have said that recovery is non-negotiable, separately or together. My program is mine, and his is his, but we are hopeful that in growing separately we can grow together as well.
We have no big grandiose plans other than 90 meetings in 90 days to start. AH is fortunate to have a sponsor who is the lead counselor at a rehab center just like the one AH couldn't get into a few weeks back. Talking about the sponsor and the meetings, AH joked, "I can't believe how much you can get for a dollar these days," regarding his daily offering for the basket (lol). His sponsor seems to have a very clearcut idea for a daily recovery path for AH, working with him for an hour each day before meetings. I still don't have a sponsor, but I'm hoping to make that connection soon.
Don't know if I ever shared this, but AH grew up as a Jehovah's Witness. At age 15, he was disfellowshipped when he and some friends were discovered smoking pot. His entire congregation, the only family and friends he knew, were not allowed to acknowledge him anymore. The effects were devastating and left him with a negative view of all things spiritual or religious for years; however, I was shocked when he told me he had prayed before doing the reading his sponsor had given him to try to get clarity.
I didn't grow up in any religion as my parents were not believers, so HP is new for me too, but for the first time we are both opening our minds to the possibility of a power greater than ourselves. Just for myself, it's wonderful to have that kind of hope for a spiritual connection in the household.
Anyway, I will be here as always and hope you will continue to be here for me. I am not wearing rose-colored glasses and do expect bumps along the way, but I feel hopeful and ready to do the hard work involved for myself and for the family and see what HP has in store for me.
Lots of love to all of you!!
:ghug
So I prayed and read and was quiet with myself. I went to two meetings yesterday. I came here for guidance, as always. I spent some time with AH talking and hearing what he had to say.
And in the end, I went back home with AH.
Is he cured? No.
Am I cured? No.
We admittedly are babies when it comes to recovery, but we are growing. We both have said that recovery is non-negotiable, separately or together. My program is mine, and his is his, but we are hopeful that in growing separately we can grow together as well.
We have no big grandiose plans other than 90 meetings in 90 days to start. AH is fortunate to have a sponsor who is the lead counselor at a rehab center just like the one AH couldn't get into a few weeks back. Talking about the sponsor and the meetings, AH joked, "I can't believe how much you can get for a dollar these days," regarding his daily offering for the basket (lol). His sponsor seems to have a very clearcut idea for a daily recovery path for AH, working with him for an hour each day before meetings. I still don't have a sponsor, but I'm hoping to make that connection soon.
Don't know if I ever shared this, but AH grew up as a Jehovah's Witness. At age 15, he was disfellowshipped when he and some friends were discovered smoking pot. His entire congregation, the only family and friends he knew, were not allowed to acknowledge him anymore. The effects were devastating and left him with a negative view of all things spiritual or religious for years; however, I was shocked when he told me he had prayed before doing the reading his sponsor had given him to try to get clarity.
I didn't grow up in any religion as my parents were not believers, so HP is new for me too, but for the first time we are both opening our minds to the possibility of a power greater than ourselves. Just for myself, it's wonderful to have that kind of hope for a spiritual connection in the household.
Anyway, I will be here as always and hope you will continue to be here for me. I am not wearing rose-colored glasses and do expect bumps along the way, but I feel hopeful and ready to do the hard work involved for myself and for the family and see what HP has in store for me.
Lots of love to all of you!!
:ghug
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
((( Glenna )))
Well girl, you spin me out again. I wish you both all the best for your journey along that recovery path, and yes it is bumpy at times. I have heard folk in AA go on about their not having any interest in a HP etc, and it is refreshing to read how you are willing to be open to the concept of a HP and experience this for yourself.
I pray that you both find the healing, the inner peace and the power of sobriety in your future life.
I pray that the pain and abandonment your husband received from his church family, will be removed from him completely, and that he will know that the God of love never casts aside anybody no matter what the "sin".
God bless you both
Well girl, you spin me out again. I wish you both all the best for your journey along that recovery path, and yes it is bumpy at times. I have heard folk in AA go on about their not having any interest in a HP etc, and it is refreshing to read how you are willing to be open to the concept of a HP and experience this for yourself.
I pray that you both find the healing, the inner peace and the power of sobriety in your future life.
I pray that the pain and abandonment your husband received from his church family, will be removed from him completely, and that he will know that the God of love never casts aside anybody no matter what the "sin".
God bless you both
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
hi Glenna.
hey there,
You have made a decision for you based on your needs? then I am happy for you and either way I wish you well and you are in my thoughts,
as a gentle reminder though: you speak alot about words that have been said, and gentle words are indeed much better than harsh words, but the are only words.
I have to remind myself that words and even intentions don't mean much, its actions that count. Every time I forget this, I have had the lesson demonstrated to me in a very big way and I have been horribly hurt. I don't wish that on anyone, especially not you and your child.
eyes and ears open as well as heart, right?
:ghug2
hey there,
You have made a decision for you based on your needs? then I am happy for you and either way I wish you well and you are in my thoughts,
as a gentle reminder though: you speak alot about words that have been said, and gentle words are indeed much better than harsh words, but the are only words.
I have to remind myself that words and even intentions don't mean much, its actions that count. Every time I forget this, I have had the lesson demonstrated to me in a very big way and I have been horribly hurt. I don't wish that on anyone, especially not you and your child.
eyes and ears open as well as heart, right?
:ghug2
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewhere, out there...
Posts: 512
glenna,
i don't get to post often but i am always reading - i just wanted to share that i remember being where you are - i never left my husband but we were preparing to separate when we started seeing a counselor - i was never so relieved as when i realized i was not my own higher power - when i truly embraced and understood that i was in control of no one but myself and god was - and that ther e is no black and white when it com es to addiction - what works for one isn't necessarily right for the other...
thank god for alanon and aa - i can tell you that 2 years into my alanon program life is really good - my husband is paying some consequences for his actions but he is sober - sober and working a program - life is really good...
you do what is right for you - speak your truth and try to do the right thing (or the next right thing
(those slogans help me so much) - i remember telling my husband this is going to be my best year ever - i hope you'll join me - so far this year is remarkable - we're dealing with unemployment, foreclosure, incarceration and other things that don't necessarily promote serenity but because of *letting go and letting god* and being in the moment it's ok - ok and turning into some really positive stuff - for myself, my husband my four kids and our 24 year marriage - whatever may happen it's all good - really...
love,
s
i don't get to post often but i am always reading - i just wanted to share that i remember being where you are - i never left my husband but we were preparing to separate when we started seeing a counselor - i was never so relieved as when i realized i was not my own higher power - when i truly embraced and understood that i was in control of no one but myself and god was - and that ther e is no black and white when it com es to addiction - what works for one isn't necessarily right for the other...
thank god for alanon and aa - i can tell you that 2 years into my alanon program life is really good - my husband is paying some consequences for his actions but he is sober - sober and working a program - life is really good...
you do what is right for you - speak your truth and try to do the right thing (or the next right thing
(those slogans help me so much) - i remember telling my husband this is going to be my best year ever - i hope you'll join me - so far this year is remarkable - we're dealing with unemployment, foreclosure, incarceration and other things that don't necessarily promote serenity but because of *letting go and letting god* and being in the moment it's ok - ok and turning into some really positive stuff - for myself, my husband my four kids and our 24 year marriage - whatever may happen it's all good - really...love,
s
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 202
A big word that keeps coming up for me is "humble," something that I feel both AH and I were lacking in our lives. Wanting to stay connected to HP keeps me humble, and it has been humbling for AH to realize that there is something out there greater than himself. Being humble leads to a lot of calmness for both of us, and that brings me closer to serenity.
Just as a side note, last night at my meeting this older man was there. I have seen him before and totally misjudged him. I thought he looked grumpy and angry for some reason; however, when he shares his whole face lights up and it's like poetry to my ears. He is such a wise man and seems so full of peace and love. He always shines the brightest in the whole room. I finally got the nerve to talk to him last night afterwards and told him how much I admired him. I wished he could sponsor me, but he said it was frowned upon because he is male and I am female. He did give me his number to call him and said he would be happy to lend an ear and maybe some guidance. So I didn't get a sponsor, but made a new friend and was really happy about that.
Just as a side note, last night at my meeting this older man was there. I have seen him before and totally misjudged him. I thought he looked grumpy and angry for some reason; however, when he shares his whole face lights up and it's like poetry to my ears. He is such a wise man and seems so full of peace and love. He always shines the brightest in the whole room. I finally got the nerve to talk to him last night afterwards and told him how much I admired him. I wished he could sponsor me, but he said it was frowned upon because he is male and I am female. He did give me his number to call him and said he would be happy to lend an ear and maybe some guidance. So I didn't get a sponsor, but made a new friend and was really happy about that.
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