sunshyne

Well guys I havn't posted since my A walked away from rehab...62 miles from his home, but I do visit the site daily for inspiration.

My A decided to go back to rehab 1 week after walking out, against my better judgement I did take him again. He had came to my house and was very depressed. I told him I wasn't ready to get back together. He said there wasn't but one thing left to do and put a gun to his head (it is an old antique gun and I knew he hadn't been able to purchase shells for it - but I still didn't appreciate the feeling it gave me), I think he only did it to get a reaction from me, so I would show affection toward him which I have not been able to do lately. I told him he had to do something to gain control of his life again. I do not allow him in my house right now because of his temper, etc. We seem to do better on neutral ground. He asked me to get him the phone and he called a rehab counselor and they took him into treatment that day. I never thought he would have made it this far but it has been 11 days since he went into rehab this time. I am hoping he went in for the right reasons...but keep in mind he wrecked his truck and had no means of transportation.

There is one evening, out of 4 months apart, that I can't seem to get past. I know you have to not dwell in the past but I don't know how to do that. I am hurt by that one night. I don't think he had sexual relations but I do know that he was in the vehicle with 2 other women and 1 man after leaving a bar. Story line is there, huh.?. I feel like he took a knife and has ripped my heart apart. We had always made a promise to each other that when the need was felt to venture out that we would tell the other and no questions would be asked...we would at that time end our relationship. How long should it take me to let that night go? Should I even let it go since we made that vow?

The counselor at rehab has asked me to come there on Thursday for a family session. Does anyone know what to expect from that? I am really nervous about it as I want to help him with his recovery as his friend and not his wife. I have been openly honest with my A and his counselor about that.

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi Sunshyne.

Whether or not infidelity is something that must necessarily end your relationship is a personal call. If you won't ever be able to trust him again, is there really any point in going forward? On the other hand, if you feel this may be repairable in time, and WANT to work on it, joint counseling might be a good place to start.

His recovery does not depend on your participation. You are not obligated to go to "family" sessions if you don't want to be his "family" any more. If you're on the fence, maybe it wouldn't hurt to check it out.

Hugs,
Smoke

sunshyne

Thanks Smoke...

I feel like "Stretch Armstrong", do you remember him? Always did have trouble making decisions.

Do you know anything about what I might expect out of the family counseling session and do you think it will it be just he and I or other families also?

Not sure if this is repairable or not but if it is it will definitely take time. I wrote him a letter yesterday and ask him to please give me time to heal. I think I can heal while staying friends with him as long as he doesn't push the "Love" issue.

smoke gets in my eyes

I expect if other families were going to be there, they would have called it "family group"... but why not call and ask? I'm guessing these things differ all over and maybe depend a lot on the counselor. I can tell this is making you nervous. I'm sure you won't be the first nervous family member to call the receptionist and say "Hey... what's all this about, anyway?"

Time and space are good things.