Glenna9802

Some of you may have seen my previous thread regarding AH going to the doctor this morning to "talk about medical detox" for alcoholism. Well, not only did the entire subject not even come up during the visit, he managed to score some hydrocodone to mix with his alcohol by claiming he had kidney pain from stones.

AH also had court today for not meeting the terms of his probation for his third DUI. The result--a slap on the wrist and a $50 fine and probation is terminated. So now he's free to cruise the streets again and maybe even kill somebody next time.

I tried to detach, tried to focus on me, tried all of it--but I was furious. We ended up getting into a huge fight with him claiming I don't care about him and his "medical conditions." Oh, BTW, he also has diagnosed himself with ADHD and is trying to get Adderall--aka speed, as he called it yesterday. I told him I was done, done, done with all of it--even knowing I don't have the strength yet to stick with that and will probably enable all over again tomorrow.

The icing on the cake was that the lady I had asked to be my sponsor said she is too busy to do it. I was totally disappointed, but took it with a smile. I did get to a meeting tonight after all of this, which I was grateful for, but now AH and I are not speaking, it was a crummy day and I just feel lost.

WLDKATZ

((( GLENNA))) Honey I am so sorry, girl just hang in for you.............are you sure you are where you want to be? if this is too much on you and I understand being husband and in love but you NEED to think on you first and formost.....have you thought of seperation? you know that saying don't know what ya got till its gone? It does work 9 times out of 10.....I pray that you can find and keep your strength to keep taking care of you......it isn't easy especially when you know your an enabler........remember to put you first and foremost....good luck and god bless!


Pamm

ps keep looking for that sponcer you will find one also keep posting!!!!!

escape artist

fake it til you make it. can you just smile as if everything is going to be fine? cause maybe when he snags that speed it will be the last drug that gets him to his bottom? I know it is very difficult, and if you are angry, explore what it is that is making you angry. Is it something you can change? is it not your business? what he does is not your business. how it affects you though is your business. so what can you do? have you found any boundaries that will protect you and the kids from his actions? as you think about this and use the tools from al-anon, you WILL get better, you WILL make better decisions, and it WILL change your life. Hang in there Glenna, you are going to be fine.

brundle

(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) What else can I say. And sorry.

I really do like the tittle of your thread! How's that for dancing around the elephant!?:praying

ItsmeAlice

No, no, no you will not enable him tomorrow, and you will not lose focus on you. Don't make me come over there!

There is a plan in these things. I know it looks like everything went the wrong way for you today, but who are we to know what the right way was in the first place.

That's why they call if faith, baby. Faith in yourself and HP to move you on your set of tracks and not deviate and let him derail all by himself. The further you are from the train wreck the lesser the chance you will try to blame yourself for what happens to him and the less he can pull you down with him.

Hang in there!!

Alice

coyote21

I told him I was done, done, done with all of it--even knowing I don't have the strength yet to stick with that and will probably enable all over again tomorrow.


Looking foreward to reading about "I'm gettin' the 'F' outta here Friday"!

Sorry about the sponser lady, I've heard several of my group share about the same thing. That has to be hard.

Thanks and God bless us all, :ghug
Coyote

P.S. You seem to have managed to maintain your sense of humor, that's very important. It means you aren't depressed, yeah!

pumacat

Ugh, that's horrible. My AH just took off last week to go "home" so he could drink without feeling guilty in front of me.
He went through rehab, and when he got out the doctor he was seeing put him on Adderol. A few months later he "hurt his hand" (maybe- I don't know) and got a bunch of hydrocodone. Apparently my internet history says mixing the two is awesome! (<-- sarcasm)

I'm so sorry.
I tried to detach, too. I did great yesterday and the day before that, and today I broke down and started crying again. I wrote him an email tonight of all the letters he sent me when he was in rehab. I know it wont do anything but irritate him, but I felt like I couldn't help myself.

I need to let go.

Sorry you're going through this too.

Glenna9802

Thanks so much for the responses. AH is now totally focused on his belief that he has ADHD and that getting medication for it is going to solve all his problems, including drinking. Like there's some kind of magic pill out there. He's really trying to get me to support him in this, yet again wanting me to take the focus off myself and put it back on him. It's like having another kid--so needy.