sailorjohn

Briefly as possible. A 'friend' is relating the story of my good friends alcoholic gf down at the local bar, drinking like a fish. This woman has been to AA, indeed, even delivered an open talk and collected a 1 year token which I subsuquently found out that she wasn't entitled to, per information given to me by my friend-her boyfriend. He is fully aware of her alcoholism and has attended some Al-Anon meetings in the past, he is a non-drinker himself.

He left her home while he went to Aruba for two weeks with his family, he's related to me recently that she wasn't drinking, what I've been told indicates that this isn't true.

Feeling torn, I think he has a right to know but the other half of me is saying that it's really none of my business, that he should hear this from her and if he doesn't find out from her someone else can tell him. Thoughts?

ToughChoices

The way I read your post, it didn't sound like you had actually, physically seen this woman consuming alcohol. Maybe I'm confused on that point, but, if you're questioning the appropriateness of telling your friend about his GF's drinking - the fact that you don't actually KNOW she has been seems relevant.

A friend told a friend who told a friend that his girlfriend was behaving badly. Seems confusing and weird.

The truth comes out, SJ. Usually without my interference or assistance.

-TC

Freedom1990

I found that when I butted my nose into someone else's business, no matter how 'good' my intentions were, I usually wasn't well received!

My two cents is it's between him and her. Stay out of it. He's an adult and he made the choice to choose her as a GF. Let him deal with the consequences, good and bad.

suki44883

As Ann Landers would say....MYOB.

MeHandle

I would be thankful for the information from a friend, very thankful, whether it turned out to be true or false. This situation first represents our good friendship.

When told, I would take into consideration that your information came from a 'friend' who was drinking like a fish, and that it was second hand. I would be glad for a "good friend" who cared enough to get appropriately involved. Good friends have lives involved with each other because of care and concern. It is what good friends do.

If this exact situation was reverse would you be appreciative if your friend came to you?

I would actually think my friend had fallen short if they didn't come to me with this if the bar 'friend' claimed first hand knowledge and the story rang true to yøu when you heard it. If it rang false , was a 15th hand story and you didn't believe it I would still be thankful you took the time to share it. I trust my good friends to deliver things with perspective when they know the serious nature and are caring for me.

dothi

In my experience alcoholics have a very hard time maintaining a sober charade for very long. If this info is true, then chances are your friend will figure it out when he gets back.

Is it going to make a world of difference if you tell him beforehand? Will the gain outweigh the risk you take in potentially ruining your friendship for being too nosey/pushy? Some people can react very badly to sensitive news out of sheer embarrassment. Would it be wiser to let your friend find out if it's true, and then offer honesty if he chooses to ask you about it?

tommyk

The way I read your post, it didn't sound like you had actually, physically seen this woman consuming alcohol.

I received the same impression.

If that is true I would recommend not speaking up.

sailorjohn

I know the parties pretty well, so I'm pretty sure-say 99%-that the story is true, but have come to the conclusion that it is none of my business. And this is a pretty small community, I'm reasonably certain that my friend will hear about it down the road.

GiveLove

I think that's a safe conclusion, sailorjohn.

This isn't your battle.....and you don't need any more drama in your life.

Hugs,
GL

In a Tailspin

Tough situation...........if I were in your friend's shoes, I would want to know..........but I can see that I might also resent the person telling me if I wasn't preparted to receive such information. My rule of thumb in these situations that don't directly apply to me is that I won't go out of my way to *squeal* on the offending party, but if I am directly questioned, I will also not lie to protect them. I guess that could be my way of shifting responsibility, but it keeps me from butting in without putting me in the position of lying to someone who asks me - - meaning they are already suspicious and looking for confirmation of their suspicions. I think you are making a good choice, sailor!

SJLady

Speaking from my own experience, I was more than a little upset to learn that my brother-in-law had witnessed my husband drinking and didn't tell me. When I found out after the fact I felt like a big fool.

There's nothing like being the last one to know.