CAPTAINZING2000

We all understand.

I feel for the pain you're going thru.

Has he ever mentioned seeking help??

escape artist

it would help your abf if you got some tools to help YOU. Boundaries are a very good thing for you to learn about. you didn't cause it, you cannot control it and you cannot cure it....but what you CAN do is stop cleaning up his messes..that is called enabling, and is making him worse. the best any of us codependents can do is remove the fluffy pillow we have under their butts and let them feel their true consequences. ie. driving him to and fro ANYWHERE at your inconvenience. He is a grown man, and he got himself into his predicament, yet you have to make sure you get him there on time and pick him up and do everything else to SUPPORT him, which is really making it quite convenient for him to remain the same. tough love is when you say, look , you lost your license on your own, you can find a way to get to work and back on your own as well, i got better things to do with my life without being your chauffeur at mine and my child's expense! jmho.

Bernadette

But actions speak louder than words.

Keep reminding yourself of this tiredofhoping!

It's true for the alcoholic and for us who love the alcoholic! We can get caught up in obsessing and "wishing and hoping" they would make different choices, and talking to them till we're blue in the face or convinced that maybe this time we "got through to them" meanwhile - what are our actions telling us?

Keep shattering the denial, keep focusing on yourself and what is best for you and your son! Make a little plan, each day, to move yourself (baby steps are good!) in a positive direction and try to stick to your plan. Getting some counseling is a great start!

Nothing changes if nothing changes - and within each of us is the power to change - we just have to choose it for OURSELVES!!

peace-
glad you are here!
b

prodigal

I'm sorry you are going through this. I've been there myself, and it is very painful for all concerned. You mentioned in a later post that your life is not out of control. What you posted above does not sound like it. You're stressed out and worried about the messes he is causing; and those messes are having a negative effect on his family.

tiredofhoping

yeah, I do drive him to work every day. it sucks. but he works full time and I work part time from home. his checks pay the bills. so it's not necessarily that I am doing it for him - I am doing it so I can stay home with my son rather than me going to work outside of the house.

tiredofhoping

yes i do drive him to work everyday. but, he works full time so i can stay home with our son. so, i am doing it to maintain what i want. and yes, it does suck driving him everywhere. i see what you mean though. i always used to think his mom was an enabler and hated it. the truth is, i am worse than her. it's hard, and i am trying to figure out the right things to do and not do

tiredofhoping

Well, I have recently started a job working from home, which I love and I have scheduled my first appointment for counseling. The job alone has helped restore some sanity. And, it used to be that if we had plans and he came home drunk from somewhere, we would just stay home. Now, I leave his a** home and go anyhow. It feels good.

tiredofhoping

I thought I already replied to this, but I don't see it. sorry if this is dup.

You are completely right. Sometimes I feel I have control and sometimes I do not. I am trying to divide up all the aspects of life and start taking control one at a time. My stress is the hardest to get a handle on, but I am working on it.

GiveLove

Good deal! (leaving him drunk with the kids is of course out of the question, but gaining an income, counseling, getting on with your life - all great steps forward) Congrats on your employment situation. I don't think I could ever go back to working in an office - I'm one of those people who really thrives working at home.

tiredofhoping

Yeah - I take our son with me, I didn't make that clear