Maybe it's the fairies?
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Maybe it's the fairies?
I put something I learned in recovery to use, and it was AWESOME. I'd like to share it with you.
The other day I woke up with an ugly headache. I started thinking of reasons why I had the headache. Was I grinding my teeth at night? Was I not drinking enough water during the day? Was I not getting enough vitamin B? On and on.
I must have realized that in contemplating all the reasons why I had the headache, I was doing absolutely nothing to relieve my pain. I actually said allowed, "Was it caused by fairies flying out my a**? Just take the darn Tylenol!" I actually laughed hard enough at myself that I had to sit down to catch my breath.
So I told you that to tell you this... It hit me that morning that it doesn't matter why something is. It just is. Do what you need to do to move forward. I read it here on the forum, and it finally sank in. In hindsight, I probably had the headache from stewing it around in my mind while I slept.
Now I find myself using the phrase, "Maybe it was the fairies flying out my a**." to remind myself that it doesn't matter why my ABF does what he does. He just does it.
Previously, I had posted about feeling stupid because I fell for some nonsense of his and bought him a carton of cigarrettes, when I should have gone with my gut and just said no and walked away.
Well, the quacking continued tonight. We had a fine after work how are things conversation. As he's walking away, he says in passing, that he's giving back half of his allowance this week.
Okay?
He told me how good he was last week and that he wanted to continue his effort to cut back on his beer.
I suggested he use the money for cigarrettes since I won't be buying anymore for him.
Defiantly, he tells me that he was planning to quit smoking after he finished the carton I bought him.
Now, I know that he drank as much, if not more, as he always does in the last week. I also know that he didn't have to spend money on cigs because I bought them so he actually had more money for beer than he usually does because of that. Apparently, he is on such a high from his success at moderating his drinking that he's going to tackle smoking now. How delusional!
I started down my usual road of explaining how he has not really cut back and to quit smoking for real this time he should...then I stopped. "Fairies out my a**." I say to myself.
I smiled at the thought in my head and told him to tuck the cash away, he can spend it later if he wants to, and I turned back to my computer. He let out an irritated sigh and stomped away.
I've still got the giggles about it.
For the first time in what feels like forever, I didn't debate with him. I didn't try to tell him what he should do to get better, and I stopped trying to figure out what he was going to try to get out of me later on. He's going to do whatever he's going to do.
It's about as vitally important as fairies flying out my a**.
The other day I woke up with an ugly headache. I started thinking of reasons why I had the headache. Was I grinding my teeth at night? Was I not drinking enough water during the day? Was I not getting enough vitamin B? On and on.
I must have realized that in contemplating all the reasons why I had the headache, I was doing absolutely nothing to relieve my pain. I actually said allowed, "Was it caused by fairies flying out my a**? Just take the darn Tylenol!" I actually laughed hard enough at myself that I had to sit down to catch my breath.
So I told you that to tell you this... It hit me that morning that it doesn't matter why something is. It just is. Do what you need to do to move forward. I read it here on the forum, and it finally sank in. In hindsight, I probably had the headache from stewing it around in my mind while I slept.
Now I find myself using the phrase, "Maybe it was the fairies flying out my a**." to remind myself that it doesn't matter why my ABF does what he does. He just does it.
Previously, I had posted about feeling stupid because I fell for some nonsense of his and bought him a carton of cigarrettes, when I should have gone with my gut and just said no and walked away.
Well, the quacking continued tonight. We had a fine after work how are things conversation. As he's walking away, he says in passing, that he's giving back half of his allowance this week.
Okay?
He told me how good he was last week and that he wanted to continue his effort to cut back on his beer.
I suggested he use the money for cigarrettes since I won't be buying anymore for him.
Defiantly, he tells me that he was planning to quit smoking after he finished the carton I bought him.
Now, I know that he drank as much, if not more, as he always does in the last week. I also know that he didn't have to spend money on cigs because I bought them so he actually had more money for beer than he usually does because of that. Apparently, he is on such a high from his success at moderating his drinking that he's going to tackle smoking now. How delusional!
I started down my usual road of explaining how he has not really cut back and to quit smoking for real this time he should...then I stopped. "Fairies out my a**." I say to myself.
I smiled at the thought in my head and told him to tuck the cash away, he can spend it later if he wants to, and I turned back to my computer. He let out an irritated sigh and stomped away.
I've still got the giggles about it.
For the first time in what feels like forever, I didn't debate with him. I didn't try to tell him what he should do to get better, and I stopped trying to figure out what he was going to try to get out of me later on. He's going to do whatever he's going to do.
It's about as vitally important as fairies flying out my a**.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by ItsmeAlice 
Now I find myself using the phrase, "Maybe it was the fairies flying out my a**." to remind myself that it doesn't matter why my ABF does what he does. He just does it.
I do believe I need a t-shirt with that emblazoned on the front!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: England
Posts: 741
And doesn't it feel great when you don't engage in the quacking? I know I had a lightbulb moment when I first stopped engaging and just let it be, it felt like I'd taken some of my power back. Well done you! x
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Excellent!
Whatever works.
This is a perfect example of just using something that WORKS - not questioning the literal sense of it (fairies? I don't believe in fairies) just taking a tool and applying it to the problem - because it works!
Thanks for the laugh and the hilarious image!! LOL!
peace-
B
Whatever works.
This is a perfect example of just using something that WORKS - not questioning the literal sense of it (fairies? I don't believe in fairies) just taking a tool and applying it to the problem - because it works!
Thanks for the laugh and the hilarious image!! LOL!
peace-
B
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