ToughChoices

I had a beautiful Christmas. Good food and just enough family.

AH cleaned his own house, cleared the junk out of the spare room, borrowed an aerobed for his overnight guests, and bought groceries. Turns out, he's an adult, and he doesn't need me to babysit/direct his life (as much as I'd/he'd like me to!).
There's an important lesson for me here.

I get in such a state thinking and worrying about OTHER people's business.
I probably spent the better part of an entire day trying to decide if I would help him clean and trying to figure out how to manage his reaction to my refusal. I actually wrote out a physical list of reasons that it wasn't my responsibility (so as to be prepared if he tried to convince me otherwise).

Guess what?

I don't think he spent 5 minutes thinking about the whole mess.
He asked me to do it. I said no. He made other plans.

It sounds so simple!
I'm going to give the simple route a go in the future.

Happy Holidays to everyone here.
I'm so grateful for the insights this forum has brought me!
Thanks!
-TC

LaTeeDa

I know exactly what you mean. When I treated my H like a child, he naturally responded by acting like a child. Imagine that. When I let go and stopped all the caretaking, he responded by stepping up and taking care of his own stuff. Amazing, isn't it. LOL

L