embraced2000

today is christmas. my family will be celebrating on the 27th. so i'm sitting here in the biggest pity pot you can imagine. big girl size, ya know.

so, i'm extremely grateful to have this forum to come to when i'm so low that dirt looks like a landscape.

i know i have a choice to make it better. all i want to do is sleep it away. i'm so exhausted mentally.

with my recent arrest, all i can think about is how in the world i go about proving my innoncence. then all my mom (whom i live with) watches are those documentaries about prisons.

she went to my sisters, but i stayed home because my sis and her hubs are both alcoholics and druggies. couldn't bear the thought of all that.

guess i'm rambling here. just needed to thank the powers that be that we all have a place to go instead of just hurting.

TakingCharge999

Hi embraced2000. I am also very grateful to this forum. So many comments and hatred and alcoholics out there, it is hard to keep the spirits up and remember.

My mom is spending some days with me and it struck me - I became the same woman. She has been depressed for 23 years since my dad left to be with another woman. She just sleeps, has no social life, not had a boyfriend or befriended a man. I am starting to feel the same way, having ideas, not acting on them, living frustrated, ignoring people... envying other people that seem happy and relaxed and enjoying their lives at the fullest.

Probably I am too harsh with mom but yes, here I am trying to drag myself to work, the market, cleaning up and she is just watching tv... I guess I hate what I see of myself in her.

I am just sad. Embraced, I am thinking of you, everything will turn out OK, you'll see... eventhough it does not appear so at this moment...

Jadmack25

Hi embraced and Dreamer, I agree with you both that Sr is certainly something to be grateful for. You both sound a bit down and gloomy right now, but I hope that somewhere on this site, you will click with a post and feel so much better.

Keep you in my prayers and thoughts.

God bless

Freedom1990

:ghug :ghug :ghug

I would hug you ladies in person if I could!

cmc

((((embraced2000)))) ((((Dreamer999)))

Awareness is a gift, being aware of how I am puts me ahead of the game and knowing that fact is what often helps lift my spirits when I'm feeling down and discouraged. I can take an objective look and say "this too shall" pass, or my favorite: "I've been through worse before, and got by just fine." In no way am I making light of how either of you feel....I hope that things will look brighter soon.

prodigal

(((embraced))) As to the question as to how to prove your innocence ... can any of the days on which your exAH transferred, or embezzeled funds, be traced to prove you were not working? In other words, you were ill and unable to work?

How about getting the family to pool resources, get an attorney, and start the paper chase?

I know this stinks beyond all get-out at Christmas, but a decent attorney should be able to expunge you. How 'bout your ex? How is he going to claim complete innocence?

Jeri, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. This is big-time b.s. I just want you to NOT beat yourself up for allowing him access into your life. I know about letting an evil element into my life. I've been there.

Prayers - and you know I mean PRAYERS - coming your way.

embraced2000

hi prod.....i've thought of most of those things. see, he was never an employee....just my husband.

i always faxed the office my weekly work schedule and what projects i was going to be working on. i also faxed when i needed to take off work. unfortunately, i did not keep copies of those.

i also thought of how i purchased many things....like my tv, sofa, stove from american rental. my car is a 2000. if i had money, i sure wouldn't be renting to own and have an older car.

all my friends and family and former employees are lined up ready to testify on my behalf. in fact, one of the jailers used to work the office for me. he was just sick about what happened and said he knew what kind of ship i ran and would testify on my behalf also.

my bank account was always just about depleted. my credit cards were all little low balance chitty ones. i did not live like i had money. i have no investments, etc. i lived paycheck to paycheck, just like millions of other people.

it just makes me sick. he was not arrested, but after all the proof gets out there, he probably will be. course, he always skates through a pile of bs and comes out smelling like a rose. me? if i threw a gum wrapper out of the window, i'd be bustin rocks.

SerenityGirl

(Hugs) Embraced. I was feeling sad over Christmas too, because I didn't have any of my children or grandchildren around, they all live a long distance away. But It turn out to be very nice anyway went to Christmas Eve candlelight service. and had friends over for Christmas dinner...

Ago

I'd like to reiterate this, that's the thing that troubled and confused me the most.

After I left her I obsessed, not about getting her back, but wanting her to see "my point of view" and wondering how and why she could have been so awful and nasty to me, I just couldn't seem to wrap my mind around it, I still can't quite frankly, and there is some part of me that still wants to "blame" me for having her in my life because "I deserved to be treated like that"

Like some twisted "Stockholm Syndrome" we read about here, how abused wives will actually fight the Police that come to take away the abuser for beating her.

I think that's why the whole concept of concentrating on ourselves is so important, like, yeah, this person IS awful and harmful and did awful and terrible things to us, and yeah we need validation of that fact, because it's like we can't quite believe it, but the bottom line always comes back to "How can we take care of ourselves"

It's so very strange when I was going through it though, I just kept repeating the same things over and over, trying to "convince" all my friends that this thing actually had happened even when they had been telling me to leave for over a year because they already knew how abusive she was.

So. Very. Confusing. Though.

Hugs and best wishes, you'll get through this kiddo

(and seriously no worries about your "rants" offending me, I feel the same way as you but with a slight twist, I blame the alcohol for what it does to these people, because just like the alcoholic in our life makes us sick, the alcohol in their life makes them sick, and I need to "keep distance" between me and seriously sick people whether it be codependency or alcoholism they suffer from, or they are just terminal A-Holes, I don't care what "they" have going on, whether they are drinking or have an awful spouse, some things there are just no excuse for....period......such as embezzling from their wife, abusing their spouse or children etc. I truly am looking forward to hearing about his next "Girlfriend" he meets in Jail, alcoholism and codependency will be the least of his problems in the middle of the night then. )