adamr

Thank you for the information. My girlfriend has gone to two meetings so far. One open with her Mom and the other closed. The women in the meetings took her under their wing wanting to help and provided their telephone numbers if she ever needs to talk. It seems that she is attacking the problem and I am very proud of her. Its really hard to heal the wounds of what have happened emotionally and carry on but I guess that takes time. She wants to go to all the meetings she can, she was talking about potentially 4 a week. She I guess used to go to these meetings but I had no idea. I would like to go to a meeting or a few I think to have a better understanding of the disease even though I grew up with it around me.

m1k3

I would strongly recommend going to al-anon. Your AGF looks like she is making an attempt at recovery but only time will tell. Whether or not she is this is a great opportunity for you to work on your recovery. Growing up in an alcoholic environment leaves scars and so does living with an active alcoholic. I know on both these counts. Going to meetings and posting here can give you the tools you need to start your healing. I know it has worked for me.

One question, what is your plan for you and your daughter if she relapses?

Your friend.

adamr

Thank you for the advice, I plan on attending a meeting but it is hard working full time and helping with our little girl. If she relapses I feel that I will have to take a break for a while and will be there for our little girl and what ever she needs. I haven't really planned that out because I come from a broken home and do not want our daughter to go through the same. However, if the drinking doesn't stop I will have to take the necessary steps to make sure our daughter isn't raised in an unhealthy environment. Kind of hard to think about, reality can be startling at times.

Freedom1990

I know it's hard to find the time, but she needs at least one healthy and sane parent, which you are. Alanon will help in so many ways, thus making you a better parent too!

hehasaproblem

My bf (who is in his late 40's) does the same thing and behaves the same way. It alos escalates to the point where he tells me I said things that I know I did not (calls me a liar when I tell him otherwise) and tells me I did things I know I did not (ditto for my reaction to this). He seriously believes what he tells me when he is like this and sometimes continues to carry the idea around in his head even after the booze wears off. I read up on this and there is a condition called "Alcohol-induced mood disorder" or something like that where there are serious mood swings and hallucinations that start to occur after prolonged use of booze. He does not want to admit that the problem is coming from the booze and blames me for "problms" and fights. Albeit, he's never been married and keeps claiming his exes want him back, etc. (more delusions). Has anyone else out there experienced this? Thanks.

m1k3

Welcome to SR hehasaproblem. I am sorry for the circumstances that bring you here. You are not alone, there are many people here going through the same types of things as you are.

I think it would be a good idea if you started your own thread and introduced yourself. This would attract more notice as you are posting at the end of an old thread that isn't very active.

Your friend,

red71

to hehasaproblem,

i am the same as you, my bf (in his mid 40's) does the same thing as you. i feel alot of times like banging my head off the wall because of the verbal abuse. he jokes about it and says "ha ha i verbally abuse you funny" he doesnt realize he does. I have taken to recording him while he is having his fits to show him when he is sober how he really sounds.

He got really drunk a few weeks back and wanted to be admitted to the hospital, he even went to the car in his underwear demanding i take him. he doesnt remember anything just says that i forced him to go to the hospital, i had to go inside to get the nurses (as he was demanding i do so) and then when he was taken in it was all my fault. now he has a hospital bill, no job, no money and blames me for it all. He says i am the reason why he cant find a job, the reason why he drinks. Usually when he is drinking i am away from him he comes to me and picks fights purposely.

Alot of this was my fault for helping him drink, but i have come to realize it is my fault and have to stop. I do plan on going to al-anon meetings to help me more with this. I am afraid for myself and that he might hurt himself or destroy the house. He even tried one time to cook then passed out, i woke up to a house full of smoke. he never moved from the couch, if i didnt wake up the house may have caught on fire. I tell him all the time he needs help but i cant force him to get it he needs to wake up himself and get it. you would have thought that would have done it.

I hope one day he gets the help he needs or i get the strength and end our relationship, its just hard because we have been together for over 10 years.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family red71!

I encourage you to stick around and keep posting as well as reading. We understand what you are experiencing, and we are here to offer you support.

If you start a new thread of your own, you will get more feedback. This is an older thread and I don't believe hehasaproblem is actively posting at this time.

Here is a link that contains steps which helped me while I was still living with active alcoholism:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

PleaseHelp12345

Sorry to hijack this post, I'm at a loss and not sure what to do!

My gf of 3 years I believe has an alcohol dependency (well so I presume) who becomes what I think border line insane when drinking.

We have a 2 year old boy who was a surprise after only 6 months of being together and also told by my gf that she has had IVR in the past and could not bear children. Which was amazing news. Throughout her pregnancy she continued to smoke and drink (get drunk) almost 3-4 times a week. I approached her in many ways to get her to stop but I was greeted with hostility every time the worst being when she is drunk. Our son was conceived almost 3 months early, but no fingers were pointed at the reason, although it was clear in my mind why this had happened.

The drinking continued after our son's birth steadily getting worse. To the point where I had to tell the nurses to through away her breast milk because it was contaminated (in my mind).

It's now 2 and a half years on and all we do is argue! But I know this is not her, it is the person she has become. I'm not perfect but I hold a stable career and try to do the best I can including always putting our son to bed every night since his birth and compromising my job so that she can work a few days a week.

I don't know what to do! I can't abandon her because she's ill and I love her very much, but I am breaking inside and I know our son will eventually inherit her crazy behaviour.

It's horrible! Every other night is a drama. This week especially bad; 5 nights totally destroyed (2 bottles of wine followed by vodka or anything if it's in the cupboard) until she eventually passes out.

Drama are usually emotionally charged and she becomes very aggressive to the point I've been slapped very hard several times, never once have I raised my hand to her. I get repeatedly called her ex's name and that I'm just like him (violent to women), my family are all c@&?s, my business will fail and I treat everyone like s..t.

I believe I am a generally nice, honest and reliable person who puts family first in everything I do, but after a couples of years of this I'm starting to believe her 😔

Maybe I should of said earlier, I'm not a big drinker (a few units a month - very honest) but I do enjoy smoking a joint or two.

I have no one to tell this too in fear of incrimination by her, and she won't see anyone. Every now and again I see my beautiful gf for who she was and this is the only thing keeping me going (obviously and our son).

I could go on all night! Is there a way I can save her?

LexieCat

Hi, and welcome! This is a very old thread, so I suggest you start a new one where people will see YOUR post and not be responding to the original question.

The short answer to your question is that there is no way for one human being to "save" another. Your son may very well already have been harmed by her drinking (in utero), but certainly he will continue to be harmed by living with a drunk mom.

heartcore

The major reason I knew I had to quit drinking was because of the way I behaved when I was drunk (& often in a blackout, with no memory of my behavior the next day). Whatever rage or bitterness lurks deep inside me found vent in saying very hurtful & vicious things to my partner when drunk. When sober, I am a kind & loving being.

I have never experienced most of the "classic" symptoms or consequences of alcoholism. I have never been shaky, had withdrawal, had to drink daily, drank upon waking, driven drunk, lost a job, etc. But I had to come to terms with the fact that - for me - alcohol inspired the exact "Jekyll & Hyde" relationship behavior that you describe in your post.

Since I do not want to hurt or harm those I love, I had to quit drinking. That's it.

I do therapy & have tried to understand the origins of that rage, but some part of it is simply buried so deep that I may never understand it. I do, however, have the power to remain in control of my behavior - through not drinking.

I hope that this woman you love comes to a similar realization. You should not have to bear verbal abuse from someone you love, & who (probably really deeply) loves you back...

heartcore

Oops. I didn't notice that this was an old thread & was responding to the original poster...