prettywoman

I confessed a lie to my ex yesterday and it was awful.

I am glad I did tell him and I do not want to live my life any other way than God's way!

He took my confession and totally turned it to his advantage. The lie I told him was to me justified and needed but I had no right to lie to him regardless and so I confessed.

He made me feel so bad, so lousy and I guess I deserved that.

With all the stress, all the on goings I just don't even know why I had t lie in the 1st place.

I wrote him a big apology letter I felt
he deserved that.

I am so remoursefull......never in my life will I tell a lie again. I learned my lesson the hard way.

He said he forgive me................I don't know if he really has?

My lie I told was not about being unfaithful or anything like this.

I am being so hard on myeself and I know in my heart that his doings have been much worse, but it is like he is using this to put allblame on me:-(

I am not having a good day today and it is my b day:-(

His moms' b day was on the 25th, I send her a beautiful bouquet of flowers, I heard nothing back, not even a thank you.

I love her so much and I just don't understand why she is so silent:-( with me.

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi PW.

Okay... your post is a bit cryptic, and I have no idea what this lie was or what consequences it had in his life but...

Excuuuuuuuuuse me? You made an effort to set something straight and then let him make you feel like a worm? Stop. Stop it now. ( JT!!!! Give me the skillet!!!!!!)

There. I'm calmer. Now. Just what is eating you up so about this? Did you cause him some calamity? Did you wound his ego irretrievably? Did you damage HIM... or are you afraid you damaged his opinion of you? And if you did... I'm sorry... but who is he to judge you? How many times did he lie to you? Betray your trust? Embarrass you? Spend your money? Turn his back on you? Now you're a spiritual person. You understand about forgiveness. How many times did you forgive? How much #$%^&*())%$#@ did you put down to human fallibility before you decided the #$%^&*())%$#@ was not to be borne? Now you're letting this eat you alive? Noooooooo. We make mistakes. We own up to them. We commit to not repeating them. We move on. Now you're terrified you've commited some horrible sin in HIS eyes and he won't move on from it? ARGH! He's got no room. He's got no right. And if he uses this to manipulate you then that's another lump of coal in HIS stocking. It's baloney. DO NOT FALL FOR IT.

Sorry. I got all wound up again. Next time you think you owe him a letter of apology make sure you've received the three volume set of Mea Culpas from his little publishing house. That would have been a swell birthday present, huh?

I'm sorry you're having a lousy birthday. My gift to you is a heaping bunch of righteous indignation. It's all yours. Apply it to manipulative people of all sorts.

Hugs and hopes for a better tomorrow,
Smoke

ladyregah

I haven't been around for a few days because I have been working like a maniac cleaning and purging my house but I read this post and was thinking... I find that the one that I have lied to the most is myself... I guess in turn I lied to my A alot that way. Everytime he said "what's wrong" I said nothing even though his drinking was driving me insane...

Now the guilt comes into play for me when I start being HONEST with myself... I wrote the truth on my divorce papers... I was totally honest about what was going on in our marriage and the little codependant in me just wants to take it all back and say nope that never happened! I feel so darn bad for admitting that there was a problem and I couldnt handle it... Like I was responsible for HIS addiction and the reprecussions of it...

I know that I am not and I think that learning that lesson has been really hard... I wasnt the one that drank myself stupid daily.. I wasnt the one that was mean to the kids cause I was to drunk to be patient.. I wasnt the one that betrayed our family and ran off to hide in my beer bottle... I am learning what I need to take responsibility for and that is a hard pill to swallow... It is still hard not to take the responsibility for his stuff too...

One day at a time we grow and learn... Truly amazing I think!

Love and Light,
Kat

myles1

I would never make an apology to my ex for the exact reason that he'd use it against me.

Plus I see no reason to after all the s@$t he put me through.

Ngaire

Ann

PW

What Smoke said....times two. He's manipulating (and doing a might fine job I might add).

Just tell him to give it up. Sorry is sorry - the end.

Hugs
Ann

myles1

Prettywoman,

If it's over it's over, you don't owe him anything.

Is it really over for you?

Ngaire

hopeful50

>I had no right to lie to him regardless and so I confessed.

It appears to me that you lied to protect yourself from an 'unsafe' person. I am just now learning to be honest with 'safe' people, I know that I am a long way off from being honest with people who have manipulated and verbally abused me in the past.

antreeta

Once I confessed to my gambling addict, that I withheld information from him about having money. Of course, that led to me giving him money, but it was also the beginning of my recovery concerning this issue. It was a survival skill, that had bought me time, until I was strong enough to deal with being shown how the addict can manipulate me. I am glad I did. I went through hell, but I was going through hell knowing I had lied. It showed me, his true colors regarding this issue. It was pretty ugly to see how sick we both are.

prettywoman

Thank you girls! The input always haleps me focus:-)

I apologized for me and for my own forgiveness.

I know what he did to me and I know that he doesen;t deserve the time of the day from me.

Either way , apologizing to him helped me so it was good.

All is going great! I am loving life and doing so so well and so is my son:-)

I love you guys!!!