velvet42

I'll try to keep this as short as possible - although there is a very long story behind it! Thanks for reading.

I'm very worried about a friend, she knows she has a drink problem (3-4 bottles of wine a DAY!) and her life is now out of control. Her 15 year old daughter has gone completely off the rails (locked up three times in the past six weeks for being drunk/violent), her credit card bill is sky high, she can't work, she's on anti-depressants, her house is a mess, her relationship is in danger of failing - need I go on?

We've fallen out many times over the past few years - every single one was due to her drinking. She failed me this year big style when I went through an extremely traumatic experience (I witnessed a murder) and she even put alcohol before me then. I went through a particularly stressful time being a witness at Crown Court and she never even picked up the phone that week.

I keep forgiving her though (my husband won't!) because deep down she's a good person.

Anyway - she was drunk last night, her daughter had "kicked off", she was crying and saying she just wanted to die. I'm at my wits end. Her Mum lives abroad in Europe and apart from her she has no family.

My question is "Do I ring up her Mum and tell her what's happening at home?" I know she'll jump on the first plane home. My friend told me last night that she would never forgive me. What do I do?

Thanks for listening

Taking5

Do whatever you need to do. If your friend sobers up I predict she will forgive you. 3-4 bottles of wine a day? Howe big are the bottles in the UK? If it is the same or similar to our bottles that is a lethal amount of alcohol.

You are now witnessing a suicide by alcohol. I would intervene if I could.

Good luck and let us know what happens.

GiveLove

Deep down, almost everyone is a good person (Adolf Hitler loved dogs)

You might have to decide whether this person's "potential" is enough to sustain a friendship, and whether it's good for you.

When a similar friend in my life left me sitting alone in a restaurant (where we'd gone to try to deal with my father's death the night before) so she could go get smashed yet again and chat up men, I finally decided that the "potential" wasn't enough. Life is short, and I needed healthy friends, not train wrecks. Sad as that sounds.......she is responsible for her own choices and her own life, and only she can choose to get the help she needs. Is there an element of trying to save her at play here?

I know you're trying to be a friend, but this kind of relationship can't be good for your sanity, can it? Have you talked with her about finding help for her alcoholism?

Hugs,
GL

velvet42

dgillz - yes, the bottles are the same size as yours!

GiveLove - absolutely, there is an element of trying to save her, I just can't sit by and watch. But you're right, it's not good for my sanity.

I brought her over to my house yesterday and managed to have a good talk to her about her problems while she was still half sober. She finally admitted that drink is the root of all her problems and wants me to go the doctors with her this week. That's a step in the right direction but I'm not holding my breath - it could all change again today!

Jadmack25

"That's a step in the right direction but I'm not holding my breath - it could all change again today!".

Wish you both the best of luck, and to you the prayer that you won't feel upset if (a) she doesn't go to doctor, (b) she refuses whatever he suggests, or (c) heads for the nearest drink.

You can only do so much and then have to let go or go mad.

God bless

velvet42

What incredible insight Jadmack -just been to see her (it's a good time as she hasn't hit the drink hard yet) and said she "might" go to the doctors. I do believe I'm about to give up.