heartbroken
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Canandaigua NY
Posts: 8
heartbroken
well, I was told by many friends to come to your group for support or advice. well, my husband is back drinking and not taking his meds again after being out of rehab for only two weeks. jusy got caught up on the mtg. or he would have lost his house, and his truck. I know they have to pay for there consequences. but I need a place to live and have peace of mind.
weve been married alittle over 3 yrs. so far is been pure hell, the past 2 yrs or so since I fell and got hurt. which I cant do anything about. Im trying to be strong and stand on my own two feet, but its hard. when you love someone how do unlove them.
any suggestions would be helpful.
have agood day God Bless
weve been married alittle over 3 yrs. so far is been pure hell, the past 2 yrs or so since I fell and got hurt. which I cant do anything about. Im trying to be strong and stand on my own two feet, but its hard. when you love someone how do unlove them.
any suggestions would be helpful.
have agood day God Bless
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Welcome crochetlady.
I don't know how you stop loving someone. I hope I never know. But you don't have to stop loving them to take steps to limit the cosequences their drinking has on your life. You haven't said a whole lot about your living situation, but I get the idea that your financial security is presently dependent on your husband? And you're right... one can't just leave the mortgage unpaid if it means YOU will be without someplace to live.
Your question about how to stop loving makes me think you might be considering the possibility of living on your own. It doesn't mean you don't love him if taking care of your own security means not living with him. Can you tell us a little more about your situation and about what YOU want?
Hugs,
Smoke
I don't know how you stop loving someone. I hope I never know. But you don't have to stop loving them to take steps to limit the cosequences their drinking has on your life. You haven't said a whole lot about your living situation, but I get the idea that your financial security is presently dependent on your husband? And you're right... one can't just leave the mortgage unpaid if it means YOU will be without someplace to live.
Your question about how to stop loving makes me think you might be considering the possibility of living on your own. It doesn't mean you don't love him if taking care of your own security means not living with him. Can you tell us a little more about your situation and about what YOU want?
Hugs,
Smoke
Paused
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 178
Hello
You can't just stop loving him that is so hard. I still love my ex and I don't ever not want tolove him.
He is worth loving just as you are worth loving.
I left and it was the best thing I ever did formyself. It has been 7 month now and we still not together and that is ok because if our love ismeant to be , he will straighten up and things can still be ok.
I don't wish and hope forit anymore. I live a full live now in serenity and happiness.
I think time away could be the answer, I know it was for me. I let my ex know that I have not abandoned him and that I love him, the rest is up to him.
Much love
He is worth loving just as you are worth loving.
I left and it was the best thing I ever did formyself. It has been 7 month now and we still not together and that is ok because if our love ismeant to be , he will straighten up and things can still be ok.
I don't wish and hope forit anymore. I live a full live now in serenity and happiness.
I think time away could be the answer, I know it was for me. I let my ex know that I have not abandoned him and that I love him, the rest is up to him.
Much love
Paused
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Southern Maryland
Posts: 169
hope we live up to our reputation...........
Welcome!
I'm sorry to hear about your situation.... but I am also glad to hear that you were recommended here.
In the past year or two, I've been thru a lot of pain caused by alcohol. But, that experience has forced me to get out and meet new people and take responsibility for myself. So, some good has come from the whole experience. Hopefully, the pain that you're going thru will be healed too.
If you haven't been told already, a good book to read is Melody Beatties' "codependent no more". She'll give you practical tips on how to keep what is happening with his life from ruining yours.
You don't need to un-love anyone in order to get sanity and order back into your life. I don't think anybody here will say that they stopped loving their alcoholic.
But, there comes a point where their drinking causes chaos in our lives, and makes us ill from the stress. When it gets to the point where our lives become chaotic, then we can't blame them any longer. Because we are responsible for our lives.
Everybody's situation is different. Sometimes you can stay living with them, sometimes the only way to get peace is to move away. Most of the time, we take it day-by-day, because we're not ready to move away just yet.
Be patient with yourself. You didn't get into this situation overnight, and getting healed from it won't happen overnight either. But it will get better.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation.... but I am also glad to hear that you were recommended here.
In the past year or two, I've been thru a lot of pain caused by alcohol. But, that experience has forced me to get out and meet new people and take responsibility for myself. So, some good has come from the whole experience. Hopefully, the pain that you're going thru will be healed too.
If you haven't been told already, a good book to read is Melody Beatties' "codependent no more". She'll give you practical tips on how to keep what is happening with his life from ruining yours.
You don't need to un-love anyone in order to get sanity and order back into your life. I don't think anybody here will say that they stopped loving their alcoholic.
But, there comes a point where their drinking causes chaos in our lives, and makes us ill from the stress. When it gets to the point where our lives become chaotic, then we can't blame them any longer. Because we are responsible for our lives.
Everybody's situation is different. Sometimes you can stay living with them, sometimes the only way to get peace is to move away. Most of the time, we take it day-by-day, because we're not ready to move away just yet.
Be patient with yourself. You didn't get into this situation overnight, and getting healed from it won't happen overnight either. But it will get better.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
It's hard when someone you love
becomes a constant source of disappointment in your life. When my ex went back to drinking, I used to wonder what happened to the man I fell in love with. I can tell you with all certainty that he is long gone. His drinking and destructive behavior burned too many bridges between us.
The most important (and difficult) thing I had to learn as a result of all that was how to love myself and take care of myself. And how to make choices based on what is best for me.
Things may seem hard and hopeless now, but they will get better once you start making choices that have your best interest in mind.
In the meantime, this is a great place to come for support and an understanding ear. A prayer for light and hope goes up from me for you.
Peace,
Gabe
The most important (and difficult) thing I had to learn as a result of all that was how to love myself and take care of myself. And how to make choices based on what is best for me.
Things may seem hard and hopeless now, but they will get better once you start making choices that have your best interest in mind.
In the meantime, this is a great place to come for support and an understanding ear. A prayer for light and hope goes up from me for you.
Peace,
Gabe
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Hi crochetlady,
I wanted to stop and welcome you to a wonderful place. There are many of us here who have experienced similar situations or emotions. We are glad to have you and that you have chosen to share your stituation with us.
Everyone has offered up some great advice and I will just offer learn to love yourself first. Focus your energy on yourself and helping you to feel better. You can't change him or make him do what you want, so use your energy on someone that you can change.....YOU!
welcome again, Constant
I wanted to stop and welcome you to a wonderful place. There are many of us here who have experienced similar situations or emotions. We are glad to have you and that you have chosen to share your stituation with us.
Everyone has offered up some great advice and I will just offer learn to love yourself first. Focus your energy on yourself and helping you to feel better. You can't change him or make him do what you want, so use your energy on someone that you can change.....YOU!
welcome again, Constant
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